crossdressing , sissy hypnos, has made my life miserable

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by NEVERNEVER, Jun 1, 2019.

  1. NEVERNEVER

    NEVERNEVER Fapstronaut

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    Hi I just want to share a little about myself, I don't want to give a lot of details about my porn issues and I just don't want to get too much into sex orientation, gender identity. The reason is because if you asked me at this point of my life with about 15 years of shemale sissy porn abuse and a cross-dressing fetish of all my life I would definitely tell you my sex orientation is bisexual and that my gender identity is I am a transgender woman but once again this info may not be so accurate if you are to asked me this question Free of compulsive porn behavior the answers maybe different see I have no problem with being bisexual or feeling like a woman if that is my reality. but the problem is that I don't think that's my reality. Thats the reality my way of life has created for me. I really love being masculine strong confident makes me feel good but when I go back to
    this fetish I lose all confidence and I feel so ashamed this has to stop and it has to stop now. Thanks to this long long behavior of almost 20 years I really sometimes don't know who I am am I a feminine boy? am I gay? do I want mens thing? don't want to say the word triggers me or other people. The bottom line is I can deal with reality of probably being gay transgender or just bisexual or who knows maybe I m just straight with some mental problems ( because I feel only attracted to woman) when I am not intoxicated by this fetish so all I want is to be FREE OF THIS FETISH FOR AT LEAST 90 DAYS just to take control of my life so if you are dealing with this issues too I can relate to you thanks for reading this
     
  2. CleverLobotomy

    CleverLobotomy New Fapstronaut

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    The attraction to this type of thing is theorized to actually come from the over-exaggeration of feminine features. Trans-people tend to highlight thier more feminine features to make up for, and draw attention away from the masculine features. As a biological male you are wired to visually race back and forth on the screen looking at all the super-feminine features while glancing over the ones you wouldnt normally find attractive. I'm experiencing a similar problem and joined today to figure this out. I havent do w so as long, and I havent crossdressed in almost a year now, but I tend to take stimulant drugs and have excessive shemale fap sessions where I put the odd thing in my bum. I dont look at the men or have any attraction to a man, or to ever have a relationship penis in me. It's just a matter of over-stimulation here mostly. We can figure this out. I found it easier to download pictures to to my phone instead of watching videos. Carefully handpicking. My ultimate goal is to not watch porn at all, but I find having some good handpicked images makes it feel a lot more innocent while I try to quit porn in general. Your gap sessions will be done faster, too, which is good when dealing with shemale/trans porn because the between crossdressing and the fetish, the sessions can get extremely long. I've been up for a whole day playing with myself. It sucks the next day.
     
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  3. Xander_

    Xander_ Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Relax, beforehand anything ...you're a human being. At this point all this porn addiction has you confused, so many questions little to no answers. You're not the only person that has the same problem here, therefore you're not alone. One of the best things you can do right now, is not to stress yourself too much over this masculine/feminine thing. Right now, take a deep breath, and figure out why you really want to quit porn. Once you conclude that, start with a small yet simple plan of how you're going to implement nofap lifestyle.

    Take a step back from your emotional mind, because obviously its driving you crazy, work on your awareness and calmness through meditation. Go and learn a new skill, maybe drawing, designing etc. Start slowly, good news is that there are people who managed to turn back to normal after this sissy porn stuff, it took them a bit longer, but they made it. So can you, good luck.
     
  4. Hi Nevernever, good your here, Xander said it already so right now from my side just to let you know you are not alone in this.
     
    NEVERNEVER likes this.
  5. songohu33

    songohu33 Fapstronaut

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    I've had to deal with identical issues for my entire life. The culmination was when I met for real and arranged real "sessions" with dominant people. I was ready to give up my life and go on the dark side to become 24/7 sissy slave. Fortunately before I did it I told my close family about my problem and went to psychiatrist. And then it got even harder, not because of family but because of drugs from psychiatrist. Paroxetinum - for depression and anxiety, Olanzapinum - for bipolar disorder, Orfiril Long - to stabilize mood, Zolpidem - to be able to fall asleep after other pills. After one year of taking these drugs I felt like vegetable. I stopped meeting psychiatrist and taking all the drugs. It took 6 months to heal side-effects of quitting those drugs, mostly paroxetinum. It was 7 years ago, I stopped meeting real people. I don't care if I'm bi, gay, trans, straight or other undescribed. I care if I'm going to achieve something nobile in my life. I care if I can use my potential to do beautiful things. According to Freud our personality consists of three levels: superego, ego and id. Shortly saying: ego is who you show to the world, superego is who you are told to be by society, family or religion, id is who you are on a basic level (your basic needs, hunger for things). My ego is not able to find balance between my superego and id so eventually I have to give control to each of them. When my sexual tension is very high my id takes control, when it is low I'm full superego. I started nofap very recently. First period 6 days off, ended with shemale porn and multiple masturbation, second period 7days off ended with sissy hypno, fap roulette, anal mastrubation, and mastrubation in the end. But I keep trying to extend the period with no PM and I expect that something will change and click in right place. I've never tried it before, just masturbated regularly. I wish you and me to get free of this. It's not natural and it's nobody's destiny. Good luck!
     
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  6. FirstBorn93

    FirstBorn93 Fapstronaut

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    I am really into shemale/gay/sissy porn as well , i watch straight porn too but mostly the other one's.
    I consider myself to be dominant ,
    although only when i watch shemale porn i get the urge and thoughts of wanting to suck her dick and being fucked by her , basically submitting to a shemale.
    I have met with men , shemales , crossdressers and women throughout my life , i've watched so much porn and spent countless hours on sexting , webcams and all of that stuff.
    Right now i am on my 2nd day of nofap after a very long period of masturbationg and anonymous encounters.
    To be honest , my body is going crazy , my dick is aching to find a mouth to suck it , my brain is thinking constantly about sex and porn.
    It's very hard and nearly impossible to quit this kind of addiction after exposing yourself to it for so long.
    Personally i am masturbating and watching porn for about 16 years , almost never missed a day and each day was for hours and hours long.
    So i think that it's silly of me and others to think that 90 days of abstinence can solve this issue.
    After watching a lot of psychology videos and reading i saw in a lot of places that the abuse of porn/sex is a "solution" to a deeper problem that each of us has.
    Wether it's loneliness , depression , anxiety or something else , most likely porn and the encounters are an attempt to not feel any type of suffering.
    I don't think 90 days will do , or 300 or even 2 years , 99% of the people here are hardcore , almost lifelong addicts to porn and i think that it is something that will always be within us but we will need years and years to be able to control it to the point where it won't interfer with our lives and won't be a big issue.
    It's my belief that an addiction with a lifespan of 15-20 or even more years cannot be "cured" after 90 days or even a year , you can stop masturbating and watching porn but the solution here is not 90 days , it is infinte days.
    If we go into nofap it must a be a life long commitment , think of it like an heroin addict.
    They don't quit for 90 days , they have to quit for life!
    Just had to let it all out , it's my opinion and i respect anyone else who thinks differently.
    Wish all of you the best and a lot of strength and hope to quit this poison called porn.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2019
  7. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Just stay strong. Free yourself from this sissy porn and all porn. It has corrupted you. But I'm curious.

    You say you are a transsexual women. Is it like that all the time or just when you're horny? Like, do you walk around as a woman on a regular day, no sex or masturbation involved?
     
  8. songohu33

    songohu33 Fapstronaut

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    I fully agree, there is no magical 90 days that can heal any of us. And there is no way to jump straight into normality. We need to do it in small steps, short-time goals. First step is to be able to quit PM for 90 days. Personally I though about 30days - it seems so easy but it's something I've never done in my life because my will power is helpless when it comes to this addiction. When one's able to achieve 30day challenge and quit porn then one can focus on other problems. The order which issues have to be solved first is very individual. Stopping PM cycle will unmute the other issues to be solved if there are any.
     
  9. NEVERNEVER

    NEVERNEVER Fapstronaut

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    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2019
  10. NEVERNEVER

    NEVERNEVER Fapstronaut

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    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 2, 2019
  11. NEVERNEVER

    NEVERNEVER Fapstronaut

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    thank you for your comment first born, I am aware that this is a lifetime addiction but I believe from the bottom of my heart I can control it, I know that 90 days is really nothing but its good enough to give me confidence. I have been porn free for more than 1 month in the past and at one time a couple of months, my next step after the 90 days is never watch porn again and if I still have the urges then look for professional help but I am a very healthy and positive person I love me and I Love life so I will see whats next after the 90 days thanks a lot for your comment
     
  12. NEVERNEVER

    NEVERNEVER Fapstronaut

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    thank you for your comment, and my answer to your question is no no I am not a transexual woman but I sure feel like one when I m under the trance of this kind of porn I feel like a man and I love being a man thanks
     
    TimeToQuitNow likes this.
  13. You can. I do not intent to define myself for the rest of my live as someone I no longer am. But to remember where I once was and how it was like is helpful to stay on the right path. Set the compass to wholeness. It doesn’t really matter what is in a year from now, we don‘t know. What we can do is day by day remind us of the WHY. It helps me when losing my direction. Why I want that change for the good and stay there, with daily ups and downs but never again step into the trap of believing it‘s fun to swim in a piranha pool and deluding myself of getting out of there in one piece.
    What is pleasure? What is joy? Why do I want to break my self-destructive behaviors? Cause pleasure is external, trapping me, is an escape, a running away from, makes me needy, hunted, driven, a victim of my circumstances, dependent of getting it from someone or somewhere out there, it can never be lasting, feeds to the addiction, the compulsion, and therefore the suffering. Joy doesn‘t need an external reason. Joy for me is to get up in the morning and having a clear mind, being conscious, aware, in touch with my inner true self, connected to my body, my sensations, my well being. Joy is intrinsic.
    It frees me. My WHY is I wanna be free, free of all dependencies, free to live my life, have a clear mind, be conscious, connected to my creativity, my true self, end the suffering. Pain we cannot avoid, we’re human. But suffering is optional I once read. From my experience and from where I stand today I can say: Yep true.

    So, when unsure I can ask myself: Does this add to my WHY? If no and I still do it, well it may be part of the process or I perhaps deliberately fuck it up or got caught in some stupid inner drama again realizing it all too late, waking up all messed up.
    Of course the aim is to leave that „bad“ idea alone, not entertaining it, when the answer is no, it doesn’t serve my WHY at all. But was a nice try. Not today, maybe tomorrow, but don‘t think so ...

    Love to all of you, we‘re heroes!

    What helps you to stay in your true power?
     
  14. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    Sissy fetish is really terrible thing. Lots of us were there at some point. I hope you will recover.
     
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  15. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    That answer shows me that porn has corrupted your mind a lot. Stay on the path of NoFap. You got this!
     
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  16. I am dealing with the beginning of this right now. Trying to figure out if is addiction or choice. Thank you so much for your post. Scary.
     
  17. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    Same story here.

    Quit the damn porn and let the wet dreams do the talking. They have all been about women in my case, but the obsessions can keep haunting you for a very long time.
    You can have these fantasies and fetishes but they don't mean you are bi or gay in real life. I took this to the test on several occasions and it's all just a big mind fuck (but then again, you are fucking your own mind when you masturbate to porn, so no surprise there).
     

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