Cry for help. Extreme urges.

PhilippB

PhilippB

Fapstronaut
Hello fellow brothers of the good fight,

I am helpless.
Yesterday/today night i edged the whole night from 00:00 until 05:30 when i have to wake up for work with a dildo on internet sexchats.

At night when I go to sleep the urges are the most extreme, often times i sleep like 1-2 hours, wake up and then give in to the urge.

I don‘t know what to do anaymore?!

Its like I am remote controlled in these situations, I can‘t even stop most of the times.

Saf thing is that 2 weeks ago i had the urges and the porn conwumption under control.

Now i logged into my parents computer to visit the sexchat sites because my other devices are all safe via covenant eyes / iphone screen time.

I will ask my parents if they please would change their password, but the re important topic is how i can build up more self discipline and willpower regarding the urges??

I know that meditation and workouts help and i already am doing sports several times a week but somehow my discipline and will power is like zero when confronter with these urges.


Also I have the feeling or am doubting if my therapy can really help me overcome my self humiliation/sexchat addiction even if its based on depth psychology.

Will I ever know the true reason for my fetishes and addictions?
Or do i have to „just be more disciplined“ and not overthink too much?

I am doing my therapie since August so its not that long, and its also just once a week, so maybe more results will show in the future.

But I have the feeling that i shouldn‘t rely on therapy too much and that in the end i have to find the solution and overcome this horroble life phase on my own?

Please help me with your experience and advice, I am deeply desperate, furious and ashamed.

Stay strong brothers.


Greetings Philipp
 
I would recommend seeking out some 12 step program meetings. You could do an internet search for SA meetings in your area. I find these meetings to be an excellent source for support.

You're not alone brother, and there is DEFINITELY hope.
 
PhilippB said:
Hello fellow brothers of the good fight,

I am helpless.
Yesterday/today night i edged the whole night from 00:00 until 05:30 when i have to wake up for work with a dildo on internet sexchats.

At night when I go to sleep the urges are the most extreme, often times i sleep like 1-2 hours, wake up and then give in to the urge.

I don‘t know what to do anaymore?!

Its like I am remote controlled in these situations, I can‘t even stop most of the times.

Saf thing is that 2 weeks ago i had the urges and the porn conwumption under control.

Now i logged into my parents computer to visit the sexchat sites because my other devices are all safe via covenant eyes / iphone screen time.

I will ask my parents if they please would change their password, but the re important topic is how i can build up more self discipline and willpower regarding the urges??

I know that meditation and workouts help and i already am doing sports several times a week but somehow my discipline and will power is like zero when confronter with these urges.


Also I have the feeling or am doubting if my therapy can really help me overcome my self humiliation/sexchat addiction even if its based on depth psychology.

Will I ever know the true reason for my fetishes and addictions?
Or do i have to „just be more disciplined“ and not overthink too much?

I am doing my therapie since August so its not that long, and its also just once a week, so maybe more results will show in the future.

But I have the feeling that i shouldn‘t rely on therapy too much and that in the end i have to find the solution and overcome this horroble life phase on my own?

Please help me with your experience and advice, I am deeply desperate, furious and ashamed.

Stay strong brothers.


Greetings Philipp
Click to expand...
Hey bud. Hope you're doing okay. Let us know how you're doing and what's going on.
 
GeorgeJetson said:
Hey bud. Hope you're doing okay. Let us know how you're doing and what's going on.
Click to expand...

Hello brother,

in Germany especially the rural part where I am from, there is no 12 steps program.

Also porn addiction is not really known as a bug deal in Germany, but it is getting better.

Have a great day!
 
PhilippB said:
Hello brother,

in Germany especially the rural part where I am from, there is no 12 steps program.

Also porn addiction is not really known as a bug deal in Germany, but it is getting better.

Have a great day!
Click to expand...
Nice to hear from you. There might be some meetings and other support groups online in addition to this community...might be worth looking in to.

Wishing you the best!
 
Dude, it's a matter of health and brain matter and chemistry and your endocrine system... it's all medical shit. You don't tell people with cancer that they need more discipline and willpower. Not to say that willpower isn't a factor, but of course you are a spectator to your own behavior, because the parts of your brain that are responsible for making choices is shriveled up and burnt out. I know lots of people with addictions who excel in all other areas of life, they are professional, or parents, or have good morals, and they have "good willpower" when it comes to their jobs or kids but they are powerless against their drug of choice (which is really just dopamine, isn't it?) Your body can't tell the difference between good dopamine and bad dopamine. All dopamine is generic. The only thing your brain knows is that it's releasing dopamine. So get your dopamine from somewhere else, you already suggested exercise, therapy, ... there's prayer and meditation, there's church, there's music, there's nature, rock-climbing, fine art, good wine, video games, cooking, travelling, reading, relationships, conversations, friendships, support groups, ... take a holistic approach, of which discipline and willpower is just one ingredient. You're not a piece of shit, you're just suffering from a disease of choice. Do everything you can to support your health, your mental health, find things and people and environments that really inspire you to be a better person. You also seem to be suffering from a lack of patience. It's just gonna take a long time, man. I've been at this for like 4-5 years now and it's still a daily maintenance thing. Forget about your streaks, forget about your shame, and take the long view. Big picture. Think of a line graph... if you look closely, it goes up and down all the time, sometimes big and sometimes small, but if you step back and look from a distance, you'll see the line was going up the whole time. Think of sledding in the wintertime... if you take that sled down the hill, it forms a path in the snow, and eventually that path becomes smooth and easy to go down. That's how your brain learns habits, and now you need get 'outside' that path and form a 'new' path, little by little. All that electricity in your brain is compelling your motor center to behave a certain way, and you have to undergo a new type of training. It's not gonna be like this forever, you just have to be determined to try again and again, little by little, one day at a time. Get mad and come up with a plan and take a vow to be honest with others and with yourself. What sacrifices are you prepared to make? Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Lean into the pain and be kind to yourself and treat your brain like it has PTSD. And whatever you do, don't. give. up.
 
GeorgeJetson said:
Nice to hear from you. There might be some meetings and other support groups online in addition to this community...might be worth looking in to.

Wishing you the best!
Click to expand...
Thanks bud, but to be honest I am not sure about joining one.

I am already having a therapy session once a week and quite some stuff to do.

Also I rather want to focus on actions and comcentrating myself on a good and healthy lifestyle instead of always focusing on my addiction.

Thanks and have a nice day.
 
Life_of_Socrates_777 said:
Dude, it's a matter of health and brain matter and chemistry and your endocrine system... it's all medical shit. You don't tell people with cancer that they need more discipline and willpower. Not to say that willpower isn't a factor, but of course you are a spectator to your own behavior, because the parts of your brain that are responsible for making choices is shriveled up and burnt out. I know lots of people with addictions who excel in all other areas of life, they are professional, or parents, or have good morals, and they have "good willpower" when it comes to their jobs or kids but they are powerless against their drug of choice (which is really just dopamine, isn't it?) Your body can't tell the difference between good dopamine and bad dopamine. All dopamine is generic. The only thing your brain knows is that it's releasing dopamine. So get your dopamine from somewhere else, you already suggested exercise, therapy, ... there's prayer and meditation, there's church, there's music, there's nature, rock-climbing, fine art, good wine, video games, cooking, travelling, reading, relationships, conversations, friendships, support groups, ... take a holistic approach, of which discipline and willpower is just one ingredient. You're not a piece of shit, you're just suffering from a disease of choice. Do everything you can to support your health, your mental health, find things and people and environments that really inspire you to be a better person. You also seem to be suffering from a lack of patience. It's just gonna take a long time, man. I've been at this for like 4-5 years now and it's still a daily maintenance thing. Forget about your streaks, forget about your shame, and take the long view. Big picture. Think of a line graph... if you look closely, it goes up and down all the time, sometimes big and sometimes small, but if you step back and look from a distance, you'll see the line was going up the whole time. Think of sledding in the wintertime... if you take that sled down the hill, it forms a path in the snow, and eventually that path becomes smooth and easy to go down. That's how your brain learns habits, and now you need get 'outside' that path and form a 'new' path, little by little. All that electricity in your brain is compelling your motor center to behave a certain way, and you have to undergo a new type of training. It's not gonna be like this forever, you just have to be determined to try again and again, little by little, one day at a time. Get mad and come up with a plan and take a vow to be honest with others and with yourself. What sacrifices are you prepared to make? Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Lean into the pain and be kind to yourself and treat your brain like it has PTSD. And whatever you do, don't. give. up.
Click to expand...

Hello there,

your comment really helped me!
Thanks a lot.

Since therapy and being all in my head researching too much about analytic psychology (Carl Jung, etc.) I have been stuck in the thinking that there is something really wrong with me and that I have some kind of trauma, because there is an underlying reason for my addiction, especially the self humiliation regarding sexchats etc.

And I am quite sure about that, but you are right that ir is also about the dopamine-rush that my brain needs.

Your answer helped me sto stop being too much stuck in this psychological-mode and that I should also focus more on the outside behaviours like sports, meditation and other activities.

Also the point that I am not that lost.


So I plan being more in the present again and try to take care of myself be the right actions.


I also plan doing a Masters Degree starting next year in September, I hope that I will be ablo to use my laptop normally again, because right now its locked away and then I will need it again amd I also want to use it like a „normal person“ again.
Doing everything on smartphone is really not optimal sometimes…



Have a great day brother!
 
PhilippB said:
Hello fellow brothers of the good fight,

I am helpless.
Yesterday/today night i edged the whole night from 00:00 until 05:30 when i have to wake up for work with a dildo on internet sexchats.

At night when I go to sleep the urges are the most extreme, often times i sleep like 1-2 hours, wake up and then give in to the urge.

I don‘t know what to do anaymore?!

Its like I am remote controlled in these situations, I can‘t even stop most of the times.

Saf thing is that 2 weeks ago i had the urges and the porn conwumption under control.

Now i logged into my parents computer to visit the sexchat sites because my other devices are all safe via covenant eyes / iphone screen time.

I will ask my parents if they please would change their password, but the re important topic is how i can build up more self discipline and willpower regarding the urges??

I know that meditation and workouts help and i already am doing sports several times a week but somehow my discipline and will power is like zero when confronter with these urges.


Also I have the feeling or am doubting if my therapy can really help me overcome my self humiliation/sexchat addiction even if its based on depth psychology.

Will I ever know the true reason for my fetishes and addictions?
Or do i have to „just be more disciplined“ and not overthink too much?

I am doing my therapie since August so its not that long, and its also just once a week, so maybe more results will show in the future.

But I have the feeling that i shouldn‘t rely on therapy too much and that in the end i have to find the solution and overcome this horroble life phase on my own?

Please help me with your experience and advice, I am deeply desperate, furious and ashamed.

Stay strong brothers.


Greetings Philipp
Click to expand...
I am just starting this journey so I'm no expert. That said I was doing serious edging and came across a great book "Dopamine Nation" which opened my eyes to what edging does to the brain and body chemistry. Hang in there and Good luck to you and me
 
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