Cuckold addiction but not a cuck

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by JakeWoods, Apr 7, 2019.

  1. JakeWoods

    JakeWoods Fapstronaut

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    I mean no offence in this post. I understand that people do like to practice this sexual kink in their real lives and I am in no way criticising this fetish.

    But...

    I need to get this off my chest.

    I’ve been watching porn for a very long time now. Coming up to 10 years if not already 10 years. I started off with the basic stuff. Now I’m at a point where I feel shameful. I can’t even enjoy it anymore.

    I progressed through categories. Started off with just nude pictures, then progressed on to more extreme stuff throughout the years. Which is leading me up to the point which I’m at now.

    I’m addicted to interracial cuckolding.

    Here comes the embarrassing part. I was using a social media streaming site. I thought I was in a private room but the room was open. So there I am.. streaming the internet in an open room. Me being a porn addict it was almost inevitable that I would stumble across a porn website sooner or later. So now I’ve loaded up a cuckold scene.

    People have joined the room whilst I’m watching this filth. They’re fucking laughing at me calling me a cuckold and all kinds of names. Needless to say my heart almost fell out my ass. (Thank the heavens that my camera wasn’t on, or at least I fucking hope not)

    The first thought I had was “imagine if that was my friends and family that had seen me doing that”. I got the worst feeling ever. I can’t even explain it. It was just massive amounts of shame.

    And the thing that really bothers me the most. I DONT even like this fetish! It’s not me at all. I get turned on by it when I’m watching it but the thought of doing it in real life doesn’t appeal to me at all. That’s what I hate about it soo much. I don’t even want to watch it but it seems to be the only thing that can even get me aroused anymore. Normal porn just don’t cut it anymore.

    Anyone in a similar situation?

    At least there was one positive to come from that total fuckup. It’s motivated me some more to quit. I just had to get that out my system. Probably one of the lowest points in my life.
     
  2. Sometimes hitting a low can give you motivation to move back up.
    I'm sure you know you have an escalation problem, which gives you the why of it.
    Time away from it will get you back on track brother.
     
  3. nazonokusa

    nazonokusa Fapstronaut

    I can really properly relate with that. You start to need that feeling of anxiety to be aroused.

    Gary Wilson, in his book "Your Brain On Porn", talks extensively about escalation into anxiety-inducing fetishes.
    The brain gets tricked into arousal when the heart pounds in anxiety or horror. Thus all the horrific / disgusting / miserable genres of porn.
    Important point is that this association is unlearned through abstention. Apparently it takes more time to undo associations learned in younger years.

    I'm in this with you, and I believe you when you say you don't like this fetish.
    This is about your brain's health, not about weeding out shame.
     
  4. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Well, hitting rock bottom is actually quite good in many cases, you needed a wake up call and you got it.

    I think cuckold is inevitably something that many porn watchers end up with because all "straight" porn puts you 100% in the position of a cuckold - you have the perspective of a cuckold sitting in a room next to the woman you're attracted to getting [email protected]% by another man... while you're jerking off. That's typical cuckold behavior.

    I made a topic about it a few weeks ago warning people that not all porn is the same and interracial stuff is 100% cuckold and worse than normal porn. Any "straight porn" you watch and the male actor is of a different race than you (usually black)... makes it impossible for you to imagine you're him (if you're white/asian etc). It is if absolute certainty that you are NOT the one doing the f%@, you are the one on the sideline, the one that masturbates.

    I think cuckold/shemale/gay stuff is the last stop for most porn addicts.
     
  5. Longtime27

    Longtime27 Fapstronaut

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    I'd never really thought of that but that is a very valid point @ultrafabber - the POV and cuckold genres are pretty big industries now and like you say, it is in a way a logical progression.

    @JakeWoods - I was fully addicted to cuck stuff and even tried it in real life before I had my wake up call. It's a very psychologically damaging genre because it relies heavily on humiliation and degradation (if you're arousal stems from identifying as the cuck).

    If you wanted to discuss feel free to PM me bro
     
  6. QuietKarma

    QuietKarma Fapstronaut

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    I think there's an inherent degree of racism in interracial porn. Black american men are on average shorter, lighter, and have smaller penises than white men. This is largely due to worse nutrition in the black communities which are more likely to be stricken by poverty. However, black people are portrayed as hyper-masculine male (feeding into the racist stereotype) which creates a degree of anxiety in the user (usually non-black) watching this type of porn and this feeds into the addiction and arousal - especially when arousal to normal stimuli is not possible due to addiction.


    Im not saying you or anyone else is racist btw, im just trying to unpick the social circumstances which lead to this strange kind of porn being so common online.
     
    nazonokusa likes this.
  7. MrGuyFin

    MrGuyFin Fapstronaut

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    I totally feel you. Last porn categories what I watched before starting NoFap was "homemade interracial" and "homemade mom and son"- stuff. Both of them feeled so wrong but those dopamine-highs was something unrealistic. Luckily now my brain have "forgot" most of those flashbacks.. I still have them but those flashbacks don't feel that intense than earlier.

    And now today just think -"what the fuck me":D
     
    Rebooter45674 and nazonokusa like this.
  8. Then why is it so many women in real life want to experiment with black dudes ?
     
  9. Maybe just something different?
     
  10. Rebooter45674

    Rebooter45674 Fapstronaut

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    Well this fetish (and many others) is absolutely rubbish and having hit the "rockbottom" myself, by doing something that I despise. I can only say that, you can only go up from there. I am the proof, 32 days without PMO.
    Also, If you can not do something which is unacceptable in Public Eye, may be you are indulging into something wrong unless you are a reformer or something.
    Also @JakeWoods who gives a fuck about people especially the ones on the internet ... They are all weirdos... "what is done is done, you can not undo it, can you?" stop wasting your time on thinking... Did someone "saw" "me"? What if someone I know saw me and "outed" "me". What if my family "knows"?
    Your brain will trick you with these questions and surprisingly bring you back to the Porn for "relief" which will make you to "hate" yourself.
    Every action has a reaction. You did something, now get ready to face the consequences.
    @Jakewood The only thing that is in your hand is the present. Make use of it. Do not dwell on the Past. What is done is done. All you can choose is to be better or to be worse. And choose the right Path this time. Put all your energy to changing yourself and making yourself so strong that even if the "Past" strikes...you are ready to face it.
    Its easier said than done... I am more or less on same page... But I am doing my Best... 32 days... Atleast 60 more to go...If I can so you can.
     

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