cure transwoman-fetish with straight porn or porn-abstinence (and real sex)? - *Possibly triggering !*

hello!
im am now in two current streaks (1st: no porn, no pmo - 71 days; 2nd: no pmo, no mo - 16 days) and i think i am rather going the complete hard-mode/no PMO (though sexual activity) for 90 days, but i am a bit worrying about the porn-induced transwoman-fetish i developed... i often get fantasies about transwomen and want to do MO (though i succesfully resist because im done with all that PMO shit)... sometimes i tried to replace them with female-fantasies but recently i just tried to accept them and "meditate" with them as i read those kinds of advices in this forum... i am not sure though what to think about this... i could live with trans-attraction but only if it does not lower my male-attractiveness to women and if i can have normal sex with females and also i want to get married and have children in the future...

Spoiler: * Possibly triggering text ! *

i mean i have sex sometimes with my girlfriend (though no penetration is possible because of ED) and i try (as often advised) to get used to the real experience (kissing and all that) but i have to admit even then i had sometimes transwoman-fantasies (while straight-sex) and i also wanted to ask my gf to to anal stuff to me, though once she asked me if i desire to have sex with men - i said no way (though she knows about my trans attraction) and i got ashamed and never asked for it... now i try to bring me back to straight-penetrating-sex, but i dont know what to do with that fucking transwoman fantasies - i could even imagine to experience them if its not porn-induced but NEVER EVER AGAIN PMO (though as a said i think about straight porn to replace transwoman-atttraction - for the real-life replacement i bought a flashlight-vagina-toy but i cant penetrate it because of ED)....

do you think its a good idea for me asking her for pegging or anal (because i know there would be pleasure) but then i think maybe this will get me away from female-attraction and reinforce transwoman-attraction and maybe shes loosing her respect to my manhood?

so are there any good ways to get rid of transwoman-attraction and rebuild female-attraction additional to just no PMO (which i definitely plan for min 90 days)?

Thanks!

 

hey thanks for reply, yes i had penetrative sex with my last ex-girlfriend, at a time where my mind wasnt that much fucked up by (transwoman-)porn, though not that often in life, but still often had problems with ed and de...

the thing is (ike others here too) i started with (straight-) porn (unfortunately even transwoman porn) before i had my first sexual encounters... man this transwoman-stuff is really a sidious thing, i know i was basically straight before that.....

i think i started transwoman because of failures to approach girls and to avoid the shamr to masturbating to straight porn because i couldnt get a gf so some justification in my mind was to do it instead to transwoman (which werent easy to find and i dont had failures and anxieties) - hope you know what i mean....

but my gf knows all that stuff actualy but - of course - she misses penetration... but i have to recover, theres no way around it...

but thanks, im doin better now.... maybe due to some relapses (as like relieving some steem) i have no desire anymore for porn, mo more but its not that hard anymore to resist because i see a picture of myself as an alpha so fuck that pmo - NEVER AGAIN

 

yeah it really gets better the more days i am abstaining... like today i was in nature and feeling more and more when i see girls, who for a long time were not desirable for my mind - and of course to my gf i feel more arousal...

i just read some comments regarding transwoman-porn that some were arguing about rewiring first your brain with straight-porn but yeah it seems like curing heroin with cocaine or sth like that...i will try to imagine the psychological traumas which brought me to transwoman when thoughts come into my mind (that should do it!)

what struck me when i read about people going cold-turkey with heroin they said that wasn't even the worst thing - much more worse was that without heroin, everything in life was boring to them and the thought of having to live all their life from now on without the sensations of heroin... thats like the desentization to vanilla-sex with hardcore....

yeah the horrible thing with pmo-addiction is like the sexual exploitation of others your mind seeks - yeah i will not let me doing this to my gf, for gods sake...

ok, i will fully concentrate on abstaining and try to relax more (i have replaced pmo with more sports, hobbies, whatever, but my problem is going on everything in life with stress and pressure), more out in nature and so on... and less thinking (i am an overthinker) and less computer-screen in general think i should be going after that...

thanks to all, that was very helpful... i want to give that back to the forum to help others and share my (hopefully) succes-story...

 

omg i have to add a new variable to my transwoman-history... maybe its helpful to someone observing this thread, i fell i need to write it down... it flashed into my mind today as i read another thread in this forum about transwoman-porn (and a real-life experience to it)... all the time i was questioning why do i have this attraction, and im sure its a lot porn-induced, but i think there is a real life-story to it (its maybe abit problematic but it happened really - and i have created a spoiler):

Spoiler: * Possibly triggering text ! *

as i was in kindergarden, we were going to sleep all together at noon i think in a big hall (maybe 20 children or so), and it was girls and boys mixed... my best friend in kindergarden (boy) started to get naked (while every child sleeping except us two.. and i could remember he was anouncing to do it before we got to sleep at noon - OMG!!! and i remember getting aroused before we went to sleep (like before we pmo-addicts watch porn)), and this got me very aroused i remember... and then i remember later (i think) before puberty, i have done that myself alone, while nobody of my family was at home.... although i know i was always into girls and my first porn experiences were purely women... i think i somehow, as i was shy with girls during/after puberty and done straight-porn and saw the first transwoman-porn, my brain switched to the first arousal i had in my life (kindergarden) and this got me into transwoman.... for gods sake... i am a bit worrying now that its not just porn induced (i would say).... even more fucked up (im not into cp or anything like that but logically): as a young boy (my-kindergarden-friend) has not developed masculinity, the transwoman (feminin with penis) was maybe the perfect arousal for me... god damn, i even have to say that transwomen with small tits (own category on transwoman-sites) turned me on very much - maybe because of that....

besides that i feel like female-arousal and active-sex-arousal go higher as im more days and days abstaining, though transwoman-thoughts coming back and are more arousing and i have to be very strong now as urges to MO (not porn as after all information is easy to abstain) are now increasing again... but i tell myself its not worth it and i will experience the same arousal with sex with my female-gf... i very hope so...