Currently on day 20....

Oddly enough, reading a lot of the posts of desperation in this thread is motivating, probably because of how sobering it is. I am currently on day 20! However, this past year I've made it to day 34, 31 and 21 (all since the summer). However again, with each failure I fell into my old ways and quickly sunk to feel the weight of hell on top of me. My relationship has also struggled to grow and evolve.

I'm currently in a relationship so I am having some sex. My libido and stamina are both low right now. Not non-existent as they were prior to my 20 day streak, but low. This worries me. I've always kinda been addicted to pmo and my libido and stamina have always been low. I don't know any other way, albeight random days here and there.

I'm looking for a better way to live. I want to create a life of joy, self-expression, and open-ness. I want to feel powerful and satisfied. I want to be a great and true partner and income-earner amongst other things. I'm not sure why I'm splurging. Just at a point along the way where it's time to 'regroup' and 're-focus'. To build consistency and strength. It only takes the slightest slip to feel a world of weight and hell enter back into your life. Mine is currently far from perfect, but it's also far greater then the world hell of pmo, that makes life truly not worth living and self-hatred one's reality.

The first 10 days were a brutal slodge of needing to focus all my energy on this alone. Just taking some moments to remember the importance of this journey.