Cybersex, Snapchat, Sexting,Omegle.. addiction information..You should read this !

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by RecoveryOn, Feb 8, 2019.

  1. RecoveryOn

    RecoveryOn Fapstronaut

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    Okk so heres the deal...

    2 years ive had ups and downs on nofap (mostly downs but im never giving up )

    Im deeply involved in personal development and im very well informed on how addiction works, yet i still cant stop.

    My problem isn't porn oh no no... its cybersex, omegle and snapchat! that viscous cycle is what prevents me from having the life i want and i know i can have!

    So heres my story 2 years ago i started nofap since then i really was able to quit porn but the cybersex pathways kept getting stronger and stronger ive had 2 streaks for about 43 days and the rest is a week or less...

    Other than this problem i can say that my life is good i cant complain im in great shape i am an athlete and i train a lot.. In school my grades are normal ( could be excellent if it wasnt for this addiction)
    And i have a loving girlfriend that i really love and she supports me in everything.

    She knows about my problem n she tries to help me but she doesn't how does my problem take place. She thinks its sex or porn but when i relapse what happens is i go on Omegle ( a site where you can talk to strangers anonymously ) ( never go to this site )
    And i start looking for this so called "F" ( female ) and when i find her we go on snapchat and we do sexting and cam..

    Its so addicting cus you never know what the next girl will be like..

    But the thing is sometimes it takes hours to find that "F" really hours!! So i lose so much time in this..like hours and days go by ..where i can study or become a better version of myself...
    the moment i relapse i regret so much what i did and i delete directly the snapchat account .. and the worst part is i feel like im cheating on my girlfriend..

    i know my logical thinking isnt workin at that point but still it drives me crazy..

    i would never do something to hurt her.. And then the cycle goes on and on every week...

    Before ..my depression was pretty strong but now im taking L tyrosine and Zinc you should check it out its an amino acid that helps with dopamine.. It helps on my mood but i keep relapsing.. I don't know from who to look for help ive tried multiple times hiding my phone and other techniques but the urges are so strong i keep goin on that site again to look for my "fix' its like gambling..

    I would reach my full potential when i stop this but i needs tips and help!

    Thank you so much for your time guys. Sorry for my English!
    I wish you all a great day and a great recovery !!
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2019
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  2. Lee741258963

    Lee741258963 Fapstronaut

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    I know those websites too, it is porn
    Your living some fantasy's when you go onto the websites, no different from any other porn.
    Definitely investigate blocking software
    Plan ahead and try to guess when your gonna go to those websites, and before hand put your devices away so you don't need to use willpower
    I know how bad those sites are, so best of luck with stopping going to the sites
     
  3. Hi fellow cybersex fiend here. Just wanted to clarify how it all works with sexting.... My psychologist told me that when you log onto the chat sites or apps you look for a compatible partner similar to when you play gaming / slot / pokies machines. You find a machine (a match) and put in your money (send a message). You might strike up a conversation after putting in money (effort) until you find a match (having a small win).You start sexting and have to put more and more effort until you orgasm (jackpot). You are rewarded after an orgasm with the desire to repeat the process again. The lows that you suffer and time invested are similar to gambling addicts but when you add the masterbation element it makes it worse again.

    Stay the fuck off those sites and apps guys...it will take you to a dark place.
     
  4. Wontgiveupeasily

    Wontgiveupeasily Fapstronaut

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    Have the same problem, infrequently indulge in the same. I would appreciate some advice as to how to over come this.
     
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  5. Put down your phone or Ipad and take up healthy habits. Meditation and running have been instrumental for me. I use the Headspace app. Also every minute I am exercising I ain't chatting.
     
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  6. RecoveryOn

    RecoveryOn Fapstronaut

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    Exactly it's basically like a gambling addiction! Its very hard to stay off it but we should try our best! What else did you psychiatrist say ? And thank you for the answer !
     
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  7. Wontgiveupeasily

    Wontgiveupeasily Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man I do have headspace on my phone and I have used it a couple of times. I will use it more frequently henceforth and start going for jogs.
     
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  8. Foxipilgrim

    Foxipilgrim Fapstronaut

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    Yea man that's exactly my experience. I've spent years doing much the same thing on bdsm/ kink related websites for an extra layer of messed up-ness. Porn itself is addictive, but the slotmachine element makes trolling for cybersex seem like crack in comparison. I've also thought of it kind of like fishing; often I'm continuously spamming messages to people for hours on end waiting to get a 'bite' at which time I try to feel out that person and subtly adapt my persona into what they are looking for, all with the aim of having some kinky conversation. It sort of trains you to approach sexual relations in a shitty and manipulative way. And once you start, it's very hard to stop, because you are always waiting to see which of your messages will result in a reply. Sorry for waffling, but the gambling comparison really spoke to me.
     
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  9. I never thought about the gambling comparison before.

    I've had some success in quitting this kind of thing. I haven't had a "bad" chat in a long, long time. I try to avoid chat rooms altogether, but I tend to end up accessing them again after a while.

    I improved because I got to know my mind better. Specifically, rationalisations!

    "I'll just see if that one specific person is on."
    "I'll see if I have any messages on that chat program."
    "There could be someone in the chat room that lives near me."


    I could go on forever. You can reply to rationalisations in various ways, or ignore them completely.

    "Nah I don't do that crap any more."
    "There's nothing good about chat rooms."
    "There were no chat rooms fifty years ago and it didn't seem to be a problem."


    If you're still struggling, leave the room, go for a walk, have a shower, whatever. But it's important to have that "mental resistance" in place as well.
     
  10. Mickey Donnell

    Mickey Donnell Fapstronaut

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    Yes indeed me too! The "trains you to approach sexual relations in a manipulative way" is so very true. It becomes predatorial. As in, what can I get away with today? Measuring each person, charming them to convince them I'm not like the others, whether it be real life or on the Internet. Proving to myself how much smarter I am than my "victim", getting what I need from them, while making them think they're getting something special from me. Ridiculous, and sickening. It's not always even sexual, it's just getting the mental approval I obviously need from others. It wasn't always obvious to me, but after many years, this realization has become apparent. A very sick way to get my needs met, instead of putting in the work in my real relationship. It's way past time to grow up. I'm making some progress, and am cautiously optimistic. It can be done!
     
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  11. I use Headspace at least one daily. Think of it like a buffer for your bad thoughts. You can just see shit more clearly. I compare it to like seeing a bad accident on a freeway 10kms before it happens and you deciding to take a different route to avoid the traffic jam
     
  12. Mate i have seen a psych who specialises in porn addiction. Out of everything that I have learnt I would honestly say that telling someone else about your problem, your SO or a trudted family member or friend yoh halve burden of this addiction within moments. If you think about it many of us here have wives etc who never know about our issues until it spirals outta control. I honestly believe you gotta own your issues and seek help. This addiction does it's best work when you are alone and guilt ridden, ashamed of yourself. Put it in the open and it takes it away.

    Secondly I have learnt that you have to replace bad habits with good. Charge your phone in a different rokm to where you sleep if you PMO in bed etc.

    You can NEVER lie to yourself about your progress. If you are doing badly. Own that shit. Tell the fucking truth about it and get on the right path. The truth is ugly sometimes but it is even more ugly to lie to yourself and tell yourself you are going well when you are constantly letting yourself down.

    Do something difficult everyday. Build a routine. It builds resilience and gives you strength when you are tempted.

    Goodluck brothers
     
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  13. Foxipilgrim

    Foxipilgrim Fapstronaut

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    Yea, one of the scariest things in when it seeps into your 'real' offline life. I'd always made a distinction and kind of classed my online behaviour as something that isn't real and doesn't count. But sometimes I've been doing something like trying to pay my gf a complement or say something to feel nice, and suddenly realise I'm going through some of those same manipulative thought processes. It's creepy.
     
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  14. i think I finally bottomed out. Although I haven't watched porn (gay porn) from a porn site I got hooked on message apps....Kik, What's app. This I discovered was just as bad if not worse than porn sites. Instead of passively watching I was participating. I degraded myself over and over by camming with strangers, whom I believed to be "friends".
    This only served to worsen my PIED issue to the point where I could barely maintain a semi erection.
    I finally decided this has to stop. That was about 36 hours ago. I admit that I logged onto Kik this morning but logged off 15 seconds later.
    The apps have to be deleted. I cannot go there anymore. My mental health and sexual health are too important
     
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  15. I feel it's so funny. I did only title cause I believe the content can create problem for me . We all travelled in same path. I also use Omegle once and from I used another and common purpose which these site I used was for sexting .I dontd want anyone to do this . If you are reading this I suggest you not to waste your life in sexting
     
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  16. RecoveryOn

    RecoveryOn Fapstronaut

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    Thats what i did, i told my SO and things got better now im wondering if i should tell my parents. The habit is really strong when were alone in our room's fella's.. cus our incontinence mind is trained so well on that activity its basically who we are,its a part of our identity... so thats why its so hard to stop.. especially when it has this "gambling feeling " because you tell yourself "i dont have to go on this site anymore but whait if i find a girl whos very kinky i might hit a jackpot today or im missing out if i dont go on it..." Its very tempting.. especially when your by yourself and have nothing else to do ! The brain will find ways to trick you and tell you its "ok" you can do it just once "and then we stop" and then cycle repeat itself.. You have to have the willpower not to do it when the urge comes! But its not only about willpower, thats only a matter of time before you slip" just this once"
    So what we need to do during recovery is to make ourselves so busy we don't have time to think about that.. go out in the morning and go home by night. That i think will be the most effective way. And when you're home and have free time do whatever you can to be with friends or parents or talk on the phone with someone, it will keep you distracted!

    Thanks for the information buddy if your psychiatrist told you some other interesting things or techniques feel free to share im really interested !
    Thank you for your time
     
  17. I think that's part of the solution, but is unlikely to work on its own. In my experience, and from reading other people's journals, it'll work for a while but then suddenly it won't work, sooner or later!

    So you're not relying just on "keeping busy". You've told someone, so you've got accountability etc. (in my opinion you don't HAVE to tell someone "in real life", you could talk about it online or perhaps anonymously at a support group).

    Also, you know about rationalisations based on what you've written here. Knowing about these and being ready for them is important.

    Of course it can be good to just leave the house or distract yourself in various ways (I find having a shower is very helpful), but just relying on strategies like that is unlikely to work long-term, in my opinion.
     
  18. RecoveryOn

    RecoveryOn Fapstronaut

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    Of course! Thats just one of the ways to start in my opinion in the beginning when the urges are strong but you have to do many other things and research to find your own way ! Its an individual process ! And when you get better thats when you find new hobbies and you are able to concentrate to do them !
    Best of luck
     
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  19. IAmLegion

    IAmLegion Fapstronaut

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    I've been on Omegle multiple times, never looking for sex. It's just a damn sausage fest out there. Penis after penis after... you get the idea.

    Huge turn off for me tbh. People have ruined what could have been a great fun experience since the original intent of the site wasn't porn but to provide a platform encouraging exposure and friendships.

    Even the moderated section has the occassional dick / pussy in it since all they do is a captcha test for bots.

    That site has always been a sad reminder of reality to me. Please don't contribute to that crowd. It's commendable that you understand that it's an unhealthy issue. :)
     
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  20. My other advice which has been super helpful for my recovery and managing my mood is jogging and exercise as well as meditation. My shrink told me that I don't use porn because I am addicted but we use porn as we have an inability to deal with something in our life i.e stress / anxiety / depression and use it to numb ourselves or zone out.

    Whatever your issue might be you do better if you get it out in the open. Take the stigma away. Own it so you can address it. I say tell your parents mate. A problem shared is a problem halved!

    You are doing a great job.
     
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