Dating a girl and I'm worried

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by lawfish618, Apr 5, 2020.

  1. I mean, I'm only kind of worried but there is still worried so I guess it isn't clickbait. I have Asperger's and, aside from that, I am a pretty charismatic and sociable guy. Now, that being said, in part due to my Asperger's and upbringing, I have serious understanding social boundaries.

    This is worrisome for me because I am currently in the "first, non-committed stage of a relationship" with a girl and I really don't want to blow this. Now, I am a very attractive and handsome dude, whatnot with being very understanding of others emotions pretty well and being mature and a little wiser than most men my age (I'm only 22, so I still have a lot of work ahead of me, but I feel confident in saying all that I am), but my past relationships have gone south because I didn't know how to treat the person I'm dating as just a friend. The girl I'm dating right now, from how we have interacted, the interests we have, and the mutual affection shared, is absolutely perfect so far and I don't wanna mess up my chances with her.

    From what I get, she is as enamored with me as I am her, but again, I have issues knowing what is appropriate to say so soon and I don't want to mess this up. I'm not talking about anything sexual, mind you, as I'm waiting til marriage to do anything like that, but just like personal stuff: when do I bring up my fight with PMO, my upbringing, my beliefs and morals, and other deep and important stuff? We've only been talking for a few days, and I know that is an INCREDIBLY short time, but I know how to vet the people I want in my life and this woman has met every qualification I have thus far and seems like an absolute dime. To me, it is imperative that I do not mess this up.

    I'm a lot more confident IRL, but for this moment, I am not so because I just don't want to mess this up in this regard. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated, I just ask that you have some tact, if you could please. Thanks!
  2. JasonMamoa

    JasonMamoa Fapstronaut

    Don't bring up PMO. It's your battle and you should deal with it yourself. Try to get this addiction out of your system before you take any major step. This addiction devoid you from any logical reasoning(know from experience). As far as other things go you can slide somethings in the conversation from time to time. Discussing a news headline maybe.
    And if you guys really have something then you guys wouldn't bother setting aside some differences.
  3. Isnt that a serious thing to eventually bring up, tho? Like, if you were dating a girl, wouldn't you wanna know if she struggled with drug addiction or something similar?
  4. JasonMamoa

    JasonMamoa Fapstronaut

    You have a strong point. But this is unlike substance addiction. Society isn't ready or shall I say "understanding" when it comes to porn addiction. She is not your therapist. Maybe use this as your motivation to quit this habit. Tell her about this when you successfully abstain from PMO for 150 DAYS. I still wouldn't recommend it though. In the end its your life. You know better.
  5. Okay, that sounds doable. Thanks, man! And best of luck in your future films! ;)
  6. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

    I have a few questions if you don´t mind @lawfish618.

    How do you met her?
    Are you talking face to face in dates, thru skype or just chatting?
    if you already go out with her. did you kiss her?
  7. Try establishing more rapport and intimacy and just don't suddenly talk about intimate stuff so soon.

    Asking somebody you just met "hey, you've done drugs?" isn't definitely going to be taken in a nice way, but talking with that person and going from "hey the weather is nice, don't you think?" to common topics, interests, family, weird experiences and then when you have rapport with that person asking him "hey, you've done drugs?" is going to be taken in a way better way as that person now has confidence in talking about such stuff with you. It's all about escalating. Don't hurry, let stuff take its time and instead try to find more about her as people generally like talking about themselves: escalate from simple and frivolous things to more personal stuff and try to get to know her the more you can.

    As a rule I wouldn't tell her about stuff she hasn't told me yet. If she hasn't told me about what her favorite rugby team is I won't talk to her about mine; first ask her about her rugby team and then talk about yours. It's about letting the other person shine and become the center of the conversation so that person feels like you really are interested in her and care about her; don't make it all about you, relax.

    I wouldn't talk to her about your PMO addiction though. It's wiser not to: you don't want anybody really knowing that, believe me. If she ends up talking about that and asks you about it then you could tell her, but unless she asks don't.

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