Dating a no no

T

tomdavidyoung19

Fapstronaut
I have been on the nofap journey from about Nov 2019 managing streaks from a few days up to 40-45 days, but never managed to get past this point. During this time I haven’t dated anyone until more recently where I have started up with my neighbour. Every time we have sex I have felt dreadful after with mini-flatlines lasting 3-7 days. At the start of these flat-lines, I have cut ties with my neighbour citing how awful I feel. A week will elapse and the cycle starts over where things restart and I give into lust. I’m probably 4-5 cycles in and still feel anxious and crappy the day after. I have tried explaining to my neighbour that the only way I feel better is by abstaining from all forms of sexual activity, that I need time to recover and she’s always been very understanding, but I give into lust. I’m pretty sure I just need to be brave and cut ties completely and focus on my recovery, but I’m wondering whether any members have experienced anything similar and if they could offer some advice please? It would be much appreciated!
 
Yeah, in my case, after having sexual activity I always feel urges and want to keep doing it constantly. For me, it's only after 20-25 days of no sexual activity that I start to regain control over my mind and body and even say no when an oportunity is presented.

And it's in that moment when I feel fine with myself. So, I'd tell you to abstain for a few more days than those 7 days that you mention and find out how it goes for you.
 
Kinda sounds like having an ejaculation really messes up your body system….

This might sound kinda weird, but you could attempt to go over there any hook up with her but just not have an ejaculation. Give her some orgasms, but don’t have any yourself. Maybe allow yourself an ejaculation only once a week or once every two weeks.

I’ve never tried this myself, but other people on this forum have talked about it before
 
It’s common in most forms of addiction. You’re not to the point where you’ve reworded so your brain is having those high/lows. Dopamine levels not reset/stable/normalized. You need a full reboot-recovery.

and stop boinking your neighbor. Never shit where you eat, or in this case, live.
 
InappropriateUsername said:
It’s common in most forms of addiction. You’re not to the point where you’ve reworded so your brain is having those high/lows. Dopamine levels not reset/stable/normalized. You need a full reboot-recovery.

and stop boinking your neighbor. Never shit where you eat, or in this case, live.
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Thanks for the message! You are absolutely right I just want to focus on fully recovering. I feel like I’ve only even partially recovered with 40 odd days where this newer, better version of me emerges. It feels like a mountain to climb at the moment going into day 5 of no sexual activity, one day and one hand/foot hold at a time!
 
tomdavidyoung19 said:
I have been on the nofap journey from about Nov 2019 managing streaks from a few days up to 40-45 days, but never managed to get past this point. During this time I haven’t dated anyone until more recently where I have started up with my neighbour. Every time we have sex I have felt dreadful after with mini-flatlines lasting 3-7 days. At the start of these flat-lines, I have cut ties with my neighbour citing how awful I feel. A week will elapse and the cycle starts over where things restart and I give into lust. I’m probably 4-5 cycles in and still feel anxious and crappy the day after. I have tried explaining to my neighbour that the only way I feel better is by abstaining from all forms of sexual activity, that I need time to recover and she’s always been very understanding, but I give into lust. I’m pretty sure I just need to be brave and cut ties completely and focus on my recovery, but I’m wondering whether any members have experienced anything similar and if they could offer some advice please? It would be much appreciated!
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I’m only on a few days but with my partner and significant other. I feel absolutely kind of disgusted with myself after having sex… Last time I wasn’t that interested either and I know I’m numbed from the addiction because it does not “Trigger alert” feel good thrusting.



It seems like you’ve got a good hitch on what to do. I would agree to completely cut things off since it’s depleting you’re recovery.
 
I had absolutely the same. Few options to consider

- giving into your lust will cost u this girl at the end.

- no girl want to listen to "I feel bad after sex with u"

- no girl will wait 2 weeks/months for us to feel good again :)

So either I have non ejaculatory sex, keep the girl or I ejaculate, feel like shit and loose her anyway, leaving me depleted and single.

At the end of the day, I always circle back to thinking about what REASONABLE reason there is to be with a woman if you dont make her pregnant.
 
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