Dating advice pls

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, May 5, 2019.

  1. Hi!

    So I managed to create many date oportunities with females from Tinder.

    Ive been to lets say 15 dates since this new year.

    Many times, I did not feel much attraction to them, but sometimes I did, and I was never able to seal the deal. Im 36yo.

    Now... last two girls told me the same thing, and I guess this is the reason behind my low success rate /its not only sex/

    One I was interrested in slightly, other I was not interrested but it doesnt matter.

    One told me she want to feel the man really wants her.
    2nd wrote to me that "im used to to guys being more vigorous than you and you did not communicate the msg well enough".

    I asked"you mean I should be more direct in letting you know I like you, and more vigorous to initialize some physical contact?

    She said: Vigorous - maybe more like audacious more like effusive. And yes, pretty much that.


    On my dates, I take it like this... I want to have good time, we walk places, we talk... I feel COMPLETELY at ease, and confident, Im not scared, nothing like that. I hold conversations effortlessly, and there no cringe to that. It flows from start to end, always. And my dates flow as well. I know in that, Im really good.


    I think I leave this impression on girls, like this two said to me.

    I think its BECAUSE

    To me, it never worked to show much interrest in the girls, than they lost interrest in me.

    So I just show MYSELF, how I am etc, and see if they want next date, and they most likely DO NOT.


    Also she wrote: Im just confused when I have a man who does not show some over confidence.
    Cause if you were that kind of a guy I would have been straightforward with you and be pretty bossy or whatever but since you are not, it confuses me a little.

    I wrote: Im pretty confident about myself, but I dont want a sex on a 1st date, thats why I did not force it upon you, but thanks for letting me know.

    She: I dont accept sex on a 1st date, you misunderstood or I was not clear enough...

    Bla bla, but u get the idea, I hope.

    Anyway, She wanted to see me and talk about it in person, very swiftly, and I refused because NOW I dont want to and want to think about it more. So I said we can meet during the week because reasons. Whatever. She will meet me, so I can dig more info from her

    But do you guys and girls have any opinion on this?

    Im pretty upset honestly. And I just want to call this dating BS over, but I will not. Just theres so much I would like to say about it, but I will not make this thread too loong and too many topics.

    Lets do it, thanks!
    goodnice likes this.
  2. rhombusgans4

    rhombusgans4 Fapstronaut

    Have the same.
    No energy behind me. Last one tried to put me in the friendzone and was confused when I told her „fuck that, goodbye“
    My current plan is to built up that sexual energy from nofap and the gym.
    The go dating again.
    Awesomej and Deleted Account like this.
  3. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    If you're interested / attracted to them, show it.

    Behave like it.

    Make them feel desired.

    Prove that you want to be doing what you're doing with that person being there or else it shows that they're replaceable and irrelevant.

    If you're being vague about your interest level, then you will get vague results.

    You have to put yourself out there. More bold, daring, and audacious.

    If you want to relax on the first date, it foreshadows what it would be like to be in a relationship with you. The time for relaxing and mass amounts of talking is for later.

    This doesn't mean that you have to have sex right away if you don't want to, but at least show them that they're worth your time and energy.

    That is of course if you're genuinely interested in them. If not, then move on.
  4. I think I need to show them I like them, but not in a way I come across as needy.

    I can appreciate their looks or behavior. This does not mean anything but that they look or behave nicely. For sure it doesnt mean, that the fact they do look good, means I will be automatically head over heels to get them.

    You see.. I have my self worth. I refuse to crave anyone. Ok u are nice. So I will tell it to you. Because u want to hear it. And I want u to do what I want at the end of the day. Whatever.

    This is so stupid.

    Also, how can they even demand such things.
    mxmn likes this.
  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    Whether they expect / demand it or not, it's up to you.

    If you're not interested, then move on.

    If you are, then go for what you want. There's a difference between wanting and needing. You can go after what you want and being comfortable with the outcome not happening rather than doing things in a manipulative way because you need a certain outcome to happen.

    What you're describing above in some parts is manipulation. Acting in a certain way that you think other people will like you for.

    What I was talking about in my previous post was expressing your desire IF you genuinely desire them.

    You don't have to do anything that you don't want to, but if you are interested, just know that expressing your desire doesn't mean that you're being needy / losing your power / throwing away your self worth. Vulnerably going after what you want and expressing yourself would be the opposite of being needy (manipulation / hidden intentions).
    koolpal and Deleted Account like this.
  6. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

    Sounds like you're not that into them and also it seems like you're emotionally unavailable for whatever your reason(s) are.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

    My Journal
    Different bait works on different fish.

    Tinder is the shallow end. It sounds like you want something a little more, so maybe try casting into deeper waters.

    Forget dating sites. Try meetup. You’ll more likely find someone with a similar interest and have something to connect over.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. Thanks for all replies.

    I still think about this.

    I think I will be more open and express myself more directly. And yes, I was not into these 2 too much so that played the role ofc.

    If I like the woman, I will let her know.

    On the other hand, why everyone expects some huge compliments and expressions of feelings and desires on a 1st date is beyond me.

    Ocf they feel less "confused" if a guy is head over heels to them. Because than they are in complete controll of him.

    Sometimes I feel disgusted by this differences the sexes have in life.

    Imagine ME saying.. hmm... i think you did not express your desire towards me enough. Hmm, im confused.. i did not receive any praises on my looks. LOL!!!!

    goodnice likes this.
  9. properWood

    properWood Fapstronaut

    Here's something from a guy that hasn't been dating in a rather long while. Yep, the one and only myself. I've been out of the dating game, but I had a few gals interested in me in the recent months, so I played a bit.

    It's not necessarily that you must show a lot of interest in the sense of interest that you like her, I think that's overall a put off, but you have to show more interest in HER. And you need to show her you're confident to lead the date, to build interest.

    YOU decide where to go (which museum, which park, no mall), YOU decide which restaurant/cafe to hang out in for the chat. During the chat YOU are doing the questioning and YOU are leading the conversation in the direction YOU want it to go. YOU are the one that sets himself vulnerable to rejection (I think women, in general, like men that are not going to cry two months later for attention), but not show too much of you at once; she will ask questions too. YOU are the one who says "let's cross the street" (simplistic), basically you have to show you are in control and know how to navigate a situation, that you're not a puppy. Girls like puppies as friends, but they want next to them someone they can rely on to be an effective decision maker. You will make mistakes with your decisions and you'll need the confidence to get over it and find alternatives without apologising 200 times. And it's not about sex on the first date; questions about sex are definitely allowed, will show you don't think of it as taboo. I'd ask her to recount embarrassing situations, or to say in which way she's behaving childish these days; those are indicators of interest of who she is as a person and that's, I believe, a powerful message that you are indeed interested to know her as a person.

    While you're chatting, try to come up with difficult questions ABOUT her, to make her think before answering and to show her that you're not afraid; here are some suggestions as a start: google for "36 questions in love"

    When you ask bold questions about her, she's gonna pick up that "this guy has his sh*t together" and she does indeed like me. Saying "I really like you" may fall on deaf ears if you don't back it up with real interest in the human being.

    Keep it together mate and good luck! :)
  10. koolpal

    koolpal Fapstronaut

    Sounds like the Goldilocks Problem.

    I have the similar problem with ballroom/social dancing:

    Some women who say I'm not aggressive enough when I dance.
    Others don't like it when I'm pushing them around the dance floor.
    Then, still others, actually enjoy dancing with me coz I dance so "smoothly" with them.

    Seems like you just haven't found her yet.

    Just be yourself, and show interest; If either of you aren't interested, then move on.

    Hope that helps.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. Thanks guys. Im quite cofident and pust the date in directions I like, places, topics...

    I think I just overreacted to two girls saying simmilar stuff.

    Also the fact that last 10 dates never led anywhere..

    I learned one thing. On my next date I dropped some compliments on the looks, because I liked her. That was new to me. And guess what?! Yeah, she turned me down anyway lol! But it had some reasons, complicated woman stuff.. and stuff.. and stuff and reasons.. whatever. She said she likes me but thinks I will run from her, which might be truth and I wont bother u with details.

    To this girl I quoted, I wrote the other day Im not interrested in another meeting. She said ok, I deleted her number.

    2 days back she wrote she really wants to see me. Lol!

    And she invited me to her home, saying we will behave. I turned it down. Had some familly issues RL..

    Told her we can meet during the week at evening.

    So I guess I was not THAT bad if she basically crawled back week after. And Im glad she did. She is interesting.

    Who knows.

    Be well :)
    goodnice and properWood like this.
  12. mxmn

    mxmn Fapstronaut

    Hey Epic,
    This sounds like common dating game with woman, they don't want to get showered in compliments or anything (they will think you are some needy nerd usually), but if you play a bit hard to get they like the challenge.
    So my advice would be a bit of sending mixed signals (like show them with your eyes you are really into them, then withdraw jokingly etc, simply flirt them up and let them hang etc this usually creates a fun and relaxed atmosphere, don't be too serious about the thing anyway).
    Good luck mate you got this.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

    I think one thing to bear in mind is that women aren't always honest about why they don't want to keep seeing you. Easier to pick holes in your technique than admit 'I'm not over my ex'. Also: a lot of women use these sites to go 'dating', but aren't really interested in a relationship (or even sex). Just a nice meal and compliments to feel better about themselves.

    Try not to begrudge them the inequalities between the sexes when it comes to dating: they didn't write the rules, and there is much less inequality when you start having a proper relationship. There are plenty of advantages to being a guy, too.

    Al the other advice given so far is great. Try and have fun, don't see it as failure if she doesn't want to meet again, at least you had a pleasant evening with a girl!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Today I had a date with 9 out of 10 for a 1st time in my life.

    I say 9/10 just because 10/10 doesnt exist and I dont want to sound like exagerating.

    But yes, she was one of those top girls. And I never in my life spend a time with someone like this.

    I did not feel that good on this day, was after a party and also full moon did not help as I slept bad.

    So I felt my speach was not 100% but I dont think she noticed. I was not intimidated by her, that was good. But had some anxiety from not being 100% few times.. so I hope I did not fcked it up lol.

    But I dont think so, otherwise the date would be much shorter. It was a pleasant 2 and half hours of some generic chat which was quite refreshing. We had a ice cream and nice walks. Than we departed, I gave her kiss on both cheeks and I was gone, jumped into my tram and said maybe next time.

    Than we texted a bit, I kept it short and possitive, just like the date.

    So.. if the outcome is just this one meeting, even that would be good. If we have next date, Ill be happy.

    Just the experience of this was something completely new. And thats good. U see even the top girls are humans like everyone else. I mean it. The facade is different and they know they are beautiful.. whatever.

    But wow, I really want to see her next time. Its almost scary to me.. will deffo give myself time to get back to my baseline senses. But I will try to initialize another date this week. Fingers crossed. I dont even know what to do with such a girl lol. I guess take it step by step and see what is happening.

    But as I said.. even the experience of being one to one with someone like this is something every man should have. Because it will make you very much more relaxed if u meet other girls. Its just a thing which makes you better. And Im glad for it.

    Ps: when we bought the ice cream there was this fcken dude, he was staring her like crazy, agresively nostop, I was standing next to her, and I looked directly in his eyes with the same agression, was expecting the fight or some stuff like that, but than he vanished... was quite crazy, that was also new.. and not that good
    Last edited by a moderator: May 19, 2019
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  15. I was at a dinner with one of my girl friends. She is very nice and quite crazy. She is also emplyed in the sex industry. Which I dont - obviously - like. But we had nice 2 hours. She is quite agressive with her talking, so its hard to get thru and dont be stoned to death with her constant flow of thoughts and words. But I did get thru so it at least felt like a two sided conversation most of the time.

    She said she knows herself and Ive said that I dont know myself which is a truth. I have no idea how other ppl see me.

    What she replyed to me was quite interresting. I did not expect that. She told me im a very handsome man. And that there is something radiating from me (I immediately thought about nofap superpowers:) )

    Laters she texted me that the time with me flew by fast, that Im golden and I was sexy today and looking good.

    I dont know why she said it, part of me thinks she just wanted to make me feel good or more confident, part of me wants to believe she ment it. We met more times and such compliments I received just today.

    Whatever reason behind it was, it helped me. I think I still have this idea and feeling about myself, that I dont look good.

    Sometimes I feel good about myself, sometimes I feel like complete trash. And Im always unsatisfied with myself. Sometimes I look into mirror and think "you are lucky someone talks to you" .. this sounds insane, but its truth :/

    So getting some compliments like this hit the spot for me. Because basically nobody did that for me, but my now-ex. And I had hard time believing her either.

    Truth is, I have more woman in my life now, than I had in my whole life before the NoFap.

    Just... none of them became my girlfriend in last half year since Ive split with my ex. And my ex was my 1st real relationship. Im 36 now... so... yea...

    Tomorrow I have a dinner with a girl I met because I knew her boyfriend. Unfortunatelly he died. And I somehow meet her. Without any side agenda. I know she is still grieving. And at the evening I go on a date with a black skinned girl for a 1st time in my life. She talks only english. Thats not my native language. But I alteady had many dates in english...

    Honestly, tinder gave me many many oportunities to socialize and meet many woman and thats exactly what a man who was basically non-existant in a dating world for quarter of a century needs.

    Meet many ppl, get used to meeting new woman and have a relaxed time with them. Its a skill u need to learn. And its fun.

    So Im a advocate of this app.

    As always, it can be a good servant but a bad master. I made it serve the purpose I want and need.

    Ps: I wrote the 9/10 girl I will want to meet her this week and she did not reply today. I still think she is just playing but will go out eventually. Tomorrow I will not write to her, but the next day I will. I want her to know Im interrested and that the fact she ignores me doesnt mean I will evaporate from her life all of sudden. Theres got to be some pursuit. Just the line where you start to look like a idiot is very thin. I think its ok I asked her out. Nothing wrong with that. I want to see her, so I told her so.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 20, 2019
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  16. goingmonkmode

    goingmonkmode Fapstronaut

    Bro I have one person that will answer all your questions. Look up a man named Corey wayne on youtube and read his book how to be a 3% man at least 3 times. That man changed my life with women, not even exaggerating. Before I found his work I would be able to attract women and go on dates with them but many times it would just never work and I could never understand why. Once I found his work, watched a bunch of his videos and read his book I saw all the mistakes I was making. The book and all his videos are free on top of that, you can look up his book on scribd. He is legit the real deal. Trust me you will not regret it. You have to literally take his principles and make them your own. He breaks everything down, every single interaction with women.
  17. Thanks mate, found him on utube and downloaded the PDF!
    At least something interresting to read and watch. And yes, same issue, can get to dates, but it usually doesnt lead anywhere. So this is spot on!

    And for example the last girl Ive met, I dont want to mess it up and end up the same as always :)

    Plus she texted me back today, after one day silence after I asked her to go out with me.
    She still plays it, that she doesnt have time this week, but its in a cool way, no stop signs.
    And I know she is quite busy... so I told her we can meet just at the evening to go out with her dog or have a small dinner or something...
    Lets see. Fingers crossed.
    goingmonkmode likes this.
  18. goingmonkmode

    goingmonkmode Fapstronaut

    Corey has probably answered that exact same question at least a dozen times in his videos. Once you understand how to talk to women, whether that be in person, phone call or text, everything starts making sense. He talks about the importance of waiting and only to use your phone in the beginning to set up dates. I will give you a quick example.
    When you start dating a woman, you should not be texting or calling her every day. The only time you are texting is to set up a date. So after the first date you wait around 3 or 4 days and then you text her. Send a few texts back and forth and then ask her when is the next time she is free to meet up again. Thats it. Then you wait for her response. When she gives you a day you set the time and place and that its. You literally repeat that process over and over. This is a nutshell but after you read the book/watch his videos you will have a better idea. It also explains what you should be doing when you are in a relationship to keep things good. You'll be fine bro, just trust the process
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  19. So basically I did it all wrong, I texted her next day (monday) to set up a date towards the end of the week.
    I did it because Im busy. And she is as well. So to have a chance of meeting, its good to try to arrange it in advance. But thats technical approach...


    Well, Its a learning process.. I hope not playing too much games with this girl will not ruin the chances to me.
    Would be unfortunate!

    Maybe I should have waited. But that would absolutelly result in meeting her after like 10 days after 1st date.
    Thats a zero drive to me.

    Who knows what is right in this case.

    I will deffo read the PDF and watch some videos.

    I appreciate you taking the time to post it here.

    Be well!

    PS: I will take it more like game from now on, in a sense its really learning on how to do it, so some failures are to be expected and should not be taken with a sadness or negative emotions.
  20. goingmonkmode

    goingmonkmode Fapstronaut

    Definitely man its all about learning and being better. Once you learn the principles then you can put them into practice.
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