Dating app question

It really depends on your current streak, but dating apps often become a porn substitute (p sub). You're basically just watching porn, it's just a way for us to get the high. My advice, if you're looking for dates, is to start doing daygame or going to night clubs.

You want to get real experience meeting people in person. As tempting as dating apps can be, they're often just a relapse waiting to happen at worst and a waste of time at best.

 

Yeah, it's just triggering your addiction. How did you meet that girl you dated for a month? What are your goals in dating?

 

Yeah that's pretty typical with porn addiction. Basically what happens is that you become desensitized to normal things. There is a shifting exclusivity in tastes, where you find some new genre that you love, and all old genres don't excite you. This includes real people. When you find your genre you get excited. With abstinence these fetishes disappear and you start getting excited for normal women.

 

Absolutely. It's pretty crazy what this addiction can do to us, but that's the nature of addiction. If it wasn't this horribly powerful for we wouldn't fear it.

 

I mean I think that's the biggest thing we can do. Tell people about the dangers. Not in a puritanical way or a cultish way where we're like, "porn is evil bro! Wake up to the conspiracy!" Too many people in this community make that mistake and then wonder why nofap is considered a far-right cult. It's about calmly talking about the issues we've faced, or about "friends" who have shared their story if you'd rather not talk about your own issues so openly. The more people know that this stuff can be harmful, the better able we will be to catch it before it becomes a full blown addiction.

 

Yepp I read it a couple years ago. It's also very difficult because sometimes it really is performance anxiety! It's not like we're saying that porn addiction and only porn addiction causes ED, and so when we try to tell someone they may be addicted they can just brush it off and say it's performance anxiety. Weird how performance anxiety can suddenly appear 10 years into marriage with a woman you trust completely...but then...I'm sure that's happened to someone too!

 

One of my friends started talking with trans people at university and he was like "well they're just like regular people." Have you met with some of the trans girls you matched with in person (or just trans women in a non-sexual setting)? If you do, you might objectify them less and perhaps you won't get that sexual rush on Tinder.

 

I think you should stay away from trans women for now. I don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to them, but only if it isn't porn-induced. Meeting them might cause you to act out sexually and then there could be shame that could hurt your recovery. I think for now the best bet is to get away from porn and go through a period of sexual abstinence.

 

U mean Dr. J?
When has the Doctor ever had bad advice? (Lol)

I also hate Reddit my guy. To me it's a bunch of echo chambers, and it polarizes the country in more ways than simply politically.

You're obviously very attracted to trans women (and honestly I'm probably in a similar position), but we fantasize a bunch and I think that having a full-on conversation with a mtf trans woman in person (whether or not they're attractive) would make you less obsessed with them.

When I was deep in the throes of my porn addiction and I was watching sissy porn, I tried anal masturbation and my expectations did not meet my fantasy.

And you might experience something similar when meeting these women.

 

I don't think he should have sex with a transwomen either, but I think that @Abetterme5853 is fantasizing too much about this through Tinder, and if he just goes and has a conversation he might be less enthralled.
Though I definitely still agree with you, he needs to continue his recovery on NoFap because based on what OP says (which matches a bit with my personal experience) it's porn-induced.

 

I didn't think you were! Learning to humanize the people we see in porn is an extremely important part of recovery.