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Dating attractive women

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by PRN-ADKT, Jan 16, 2018.

  1. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    As an attractive guy, if I don't feel like playing the seduction game, am I doomed to have to settle for less? I mean, I'm sure attractive females get hit on all the time, so if I want to date someone up to my personal standards looks-wise, will it be a struggle to keep them?

    I often see good-looking guys with women who don't match and I'm thinking it's because they want to have the upper hand in the relationship and not have to work hard to keep the girl.

    I can easily attract average girls by looks alone, but I'm not really into them, and the idea of having to compete over hot women doesn't appeal to me. I want a woman to be attracted to me for who I am (looks and personality), not by what I'm willing to bring to the table to keep her.

    Any advice would be appreciated.
     
    D-Mystifier likes this.
  2. I guess one way to think of this is the fact beauty fades with time. Just because she's attractive (by whatever cultural standard you've been programmed by) doesn't mean she's necessarily greater than or less than. I found often I would compare my partners level of attractiveness to other friends of mine and found allot of my own self-esteem was vested in that.

    I mean deep down were all just human brains riding around in some bio-mechanical skin suits... kind of makes you think doesn't it.

    Another aspect of your post I feel deals with where the power lies in the relationship, being in control and avoiding being vulnerable. Wonder if I'm just reading too much into that.
     
    kropo82, Reborn16, Knighthawk and 2 others like this.
  3. pezzer

    pezzer Fapstronaut

    yeah for sure ! there's more to a steady loving relationship than just looks, not to sound generic. But if you were to enter a relationship solely on looks alone what would you do! like seriously it'd be soooo boring to hang with that person all the time, you wouldn't even know if you have anything in common. Its a kinda weird thing to do. I'm lucky though i guess cause im attracted to this person for reason and personality. Just one look at her would show you her personality through the way she presents herself i guess, just this energetic bubbly ball of awesome and happiness. That's the kinda gal i love!
     
    Hopefulgirl and Hitto like this.
  4. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it's a cultural thing, to be honest. I'm very independent minded. I couldn't care less what others think of my hypothetical girlfriend. I'd actually prefer to be attracted to a girl who isn't desired by most men. That way, I wouldn't feel vulnerable, as you suggested. If I have to fundamentally change who I am in order to keep a girl, then the relationship isn't worth pursuing.

    The problem is that I'm attracted to women who are universally considered good-looking, so I feel that I need to bring something more to the table in order to stand out from other men. Hot girls know they are desirable. Even though I consider myself attractive, I don't think most girls of similar attractiveness would want to stay with me past the infatuation stage

    I'm not interested in flings either. I genuinely want a girl who understands me and who I can connect with on a deep emotional level, but I also want to be physically attracted to her while I'm at it.
     
    Hitto and pezzer like this.
  5. Lucky1

    Lucky1 Fapstronaut

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    I was like this for a long long time and can empathize.

    Why should you be bothering with game if you want a genuine person in your life, right?

    Game is good for introductions and overcoming approach anxiety, it's a general set of ground rules.

    It's best to learn the basics. Seduction has it's place and it's important just to learn to arouse peoples curiosity in you, both male and female. It makes you look higher value, and you will start to attract the better looking woman in your life.

    Learn the basics so you know the signals, cues and communicating interest. Then just go about being the awesome person you are, that will do the rest :)
     
    Reborn16, Hitto and PRN-ADKT like this.
  6. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Well there's a reason Jimmy Soul made that song "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife".
     
    Deleted Account and PRN-ADKT like this.
  7. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Look man, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Just take that for what it's worth. When I was younger I used to think that being with the hottest most beautiful gal was like the best prize ever. In reality, all it is is a Pyrrhic victory.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I don't see women as a prize, I'm just very picky about their appearance. I'm a very visual person, so I maintain my good looks in part because I want to be attractive to a potential partner. It just seems like women don't value looks as much as men do unfortunately.
     
  9. Change this
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  10. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I say this because of my mindset and how I don't let societal standards bother me. I may attract women because of my looks, but I'm sure they'd be disappointed when they see that I'm quite a reclusive person.
     
  11. See there's some new information... There are some attractive reclusive women out there ya know :)
     
  12. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I'm sure there are. It's just hard to put myself out there, because it's not in my nature to flirt, even though I'm definitely attracted to the opposite sex. Maybe I should go to my local library or something lol.
     
  13. They usually say meeting a significant other at a mutual place of interest or while doing something you both really enjoy can lead to a very rewarding relationship. An exercise my therapist had told me to perform at one point was to write down exactly what my ideal mate would be..

    After that list was created she asked me then, where can you meet someone that shares some of those qualities you've just listed.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  14. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    After reflecting on that, I've come to the realization that most of the things I enjoy doing are solitary activities, so I don't see how I'm supposed to meet similar women. I enjoy spending time alone, but I wouldn't mind having the company of a woman as long as she allowed me plenty of personal space. An outgoing type would be fine too, as long as she accepted me for who I am.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
  15. First make sure you’re not putting all the value in a partner in just physical looks. Yes—you absolutely have to be attracted to them. But saying good looking guys date “average women to keep the upper hand” comes off shallow. Unless you’re just after tits and ass.

    Once you stop looking at women as walking fuck toys, you’ll come to appreciate the mystery, beauty and sensuality they possess beyond the physical. Humor, laughter, kindness, unbridled passion, humility, generosity, crazy sexuality—these are just a few of the great things those “average” girls poses.
     
  16. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    I agree with you that all those qualities are desirable in a woman, but without being really sexually attracted to her as well, all those traits still wouldn't do it for me. The reverse would also be true. If I'm sexually attracted to a woman, but I don't like her as a person, then I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her.

    I do wish I didn't put so much emphasis on looks though, because it certainly is limiting me.
     
  17. Arcadia

    Arcadia Fapstronaut

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    Staying away from porn should help. Most of the women you see on porn, unless you were strictly an amateur cam viewer, are objectively very attractive. You have beautiful women, with near perfect, or enhanced, figures. No scars, stretch marks, etc. AND you get conditioned to expect that. I agree, when comparing the average person on the street to those fantasy women, they seem to pale. So, stop looking at porn and comparing.

    IT's one of the reasons I've stopped, or am trying too. I'm older, and I noticed that it's not fair to the women my age, and my girlfriend, that I watch porn, of women mostly 20 - 30 years younger than me. Women that could be my daughter for christs stake! How can my GF, who's had children, lived a full life, and has the body to prove it (as do I BTW) compare to that, and why is it fair for me to think she has to? So, for her as much as myself, I am on this journey. Yes, you need to be sexually attracted to who you want to date, but, if you quit viewing porn, you may find that your tastes and likes are actually wider than you've trained them to be.
     
    PRN-ADKT and Hitto like this.
  18. PRN-ADKT

    PRN-ADKT Fapstronaut

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    Yes, hopefully quitting porn will help. I'm 25 and have been watching hardcore porn since the age of 11, so I definitely conditioned my brain to expect ridiculous standards of beauty. It made me really selective looks-wise, because if a certain pornstar doesn't do it for me, I just go right to the next one. There are no compromises to make when watching porn. After understanding how it altered my brain's reward system, I've decided to quit for good.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2018
    Hitto likes this.
  19. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Everything that glitters isn't gold I always use to hear that but now I totally understand it lol
     
  20. Kurenai

    Kurenai Fapstronaut

    Why bother about beauty levels at all? Does it really matter? It is like one hundred years ago, when people of different social classes didn't hang out (I know, it's still like this on many degrees).
    Do you like her? Go for her and know her, maybe you will like also her personality. You don't like her personality? Skip to another person you like.
    Why bother about who is more beautiful in a couple? It doesn't make sense to me.
     
    Hitto likes this.

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