Dating during reboot

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mr. Robot, Jun 6, 2018.

  1. Mr. Robot

    Mr. Robot Fapstronaut

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    I'm on day 6 of no PMO. I have a first date on Saturday. While it won't probably lead to a sexual encounter, it's possible that it could within a week or two. Am I jumping the gun? I have no idea what will happen if we actually get intimate. Is it too soon for this? Am I setting myself up for embarassment?
     
  2. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

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    EDIT: OK so I posted this whole thing.. blindly assuming you have problems like me getting it erect during sex.. if applicable, read on, otherwise ignore..

    It's funny that you post this, because I've been thinking the same thing. I did post back some time ago a question about something similar; the guys replied to me that it's best to not hide it, or at least until you know you're about to jump into the bed together. I guess we could look at it a few ways.

    1) If she will want to have sex with you in the first few dates.. I wonder if she is actually looking for a relationship. In this case, if she isn't, then you won't have to worry much in the long term. She might either say it's allright, or just walk away. Men are most scared to be laughed at. Women are most afraid of death or injury by men. Myself I am mostly worried about being laughed at or ridiculed. I don't think it'll happen. Other guys replied to me they had an experience and the girl was much rather worrying about not being pretty/attractive enough, if I remember correctly.

    2) You probably won't have sex for at least the first few dates. My own experience (with dating anyway) is that women aren't as fond of sex as men are. They prefer other things over sex like simply having a good time, laughing, hell, they are too busy figuring out if the can actually trust you and that you aren't just looking to get laid. In this case, if you can earn her trust she I would find it odd that she will reject you because of such a problem.

    In the past I've known women who were very clear about wanting to just have sex.. you will know it when you see it.

    Oh, and, I just relapsed myself, and was immediately concerned again. As I write this, I'm trying to rationalize the situation. Because I'm in a similar situation, and I just had 2 dates in 12 days.

    In the end it's just guess work. So we both need to go through and see where it ends.. just go with the flow (watch her signals) and if sex is about to happen, and your soldier may fail to salute, just tell her what's happening. Either way you will have gained a new experience and will know how to move on next time.

    P.S. I myself have 'boner pills' so that can always be handy if you're wanting to have sex. See your GP.
     
  3. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Female POV here, and my ex had PIED. Yes you are most definitely jumping the gun. From a purely sexual perspective if you have PIED it will not be cured in a week or even two weeks, give yourself a minimum of 90 days. And to address the other commenter it’s a misconception that women don’t like sex as much as men do we totally do and depending on your age it may vary but generally the sex date is by the third date. If you have some sort of ED the first few times most women think you are just nervous but if intimacy continues they are likely to not stick around unless you can provide an explanation.

    As someone who was totally tricked into a relationship with a PMO addict, my strong personal opinion is that you are not ready to date until you are ready to tell the truth about your reboot and past or present addiction to your potential partner. First if she knows you will be less nervous and she can help but second she knows what she’s getting into.

    Early in reboot you tend to have lots of feelings you pushed down with PMO. But when you lose PMO as a coping mechanism unless you replaced it with a healthy one a new relationship has a high chance of causing relapse. You are stressed you may feel rejected or like a failure if you can’t peform in bed. You have her feelings to consider it’s just not a good idea. Don’t try to replace PMO with a girl.
     
  4. Mr. Robot

    Mr. Robot Fapstronaut

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    Well, yeah, in this instance I fully expect a sexual encounter, at some point in the next one to two weeks, I would say third date at the latest. She is sending very clear signals of her interest. While I agree I shouldn't replace PMO with a girl, I think it's important to have actual human contact to help me get away from the notion that what turns me on is pixels on a computer screen.

    The reason I brought this up, is I was seeing a girl about this time last year. It was what initially prompted me to join this site. I hadn't had sex in a very long time, and I was not aware that I had a problem. Now, I preface this by saying, that she actually revealed herself ultimately be an all around selfish and horrible person and very bad for me in general. When we had sex, I couldn't maintain an erection. Now, I was mortified. Mortified doesn't even begin to describe her reaction. I mean, the whole thing was nightmarish. I actually ended up telling her about my porn addiction, and then she got on the internet and started reading, and then it just turned into a whole thing. Not anything to do with helping me break away and get over it, but more about how I could never love her because I'm too busy loving myself. Even now I'm not sure if I really had PIED or if I subconsciously knew who she really was and hated her. Anyway, long story short the entire experience was so bad, I hadn't even thought about dating again until recently.
     
  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Human contact is totally different than contact with a woman that you want to date or have sex with . You can still get out and do things! If you give yourself the time to heal when you do start dating it will be well worth the wait as your relationship will be much healthier and happier but you don’t know that because it’s likely every relationship you’ve been in has been while you are a pmo addict. Once you actually experience what a relationship that’s healthy is like you will understand. If you rush into things now you are very likely to get hurt again and you will keep repeating this pattern until you give up dating entirely thinking it’s not worth it or all women are horrible. From what I read you have not accepted that you are an addict and/or the true effect this has on you and will have on a partner. You think if you just meet the right girl you won’t have ED. And when you still have ED with the women no matter whom it is your conclusion is not that you are an addict, rather that in some way it’s about her. “She was rude so that’s why it did not work with her.” Look men without a pmo addiction unless they are 80 years old are generally going to be physically responsive to an attractive woman. Don’t rationalize your addiction away.
     
    Mike Bonanno likes this.
  6. Mr. Robot

    Mr. Robot Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, so I went to meet that girl, and she didn't look anything like her picture (met her on an online dating site), and didn't have a great time, and I don't think anything's going to come of it now. I think 90 days sounds like a good goal. I can work on myself. I've been trying to lose weight and work on my career.
     
  7. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    A “player’s” POV here:

    1. Jumping the gun? It depends on your PMO triggers.
    2. Sex won’t solve PMO addiction.
    3. If you’re worried about impotence: Relax, you don’t need penis-in-vagina sex to get women to orgasm.
    4. I recommend being able to comfortably mention a PMO addiction; no need to flaunt it either.
     
  8. DeAndre85

    DeAndre85 Fapstronaut

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    Do not do it!
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  9. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    I would heed this advice. You are a PMO ADDICT!! You are not ready for a relationship bro. It might just create problems down the road. I would tell her about nofap once you are comfortable enough
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  10. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Agree with everything you say except 3. I just want to note that while no you don’t need PIV sex to make a woman O most women do desire PIV sex and it can be a problem if you can’t. But #4 usually solves that just be honest. If you are not able to be 100% honest you are not ready to date.
     

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