Dating girlfriend but can't climax

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Second_chance, Apr 6, 2018.

  1. Second_chance

    Second_chance Fapstronaut

    Hi guys,
    Truth be told im dealing with rebooting for almost a year and a half, all the same time i've been dating my girlfriend. At first i had problems trying to stay hard during sex and then if i manage to do that i could climax, or it would take ages to do it.
    I figure it out it was because of too much pmo, i work very dedicated to avoid doing it although i relapsed so many times, and i have fixed my problems with erections and climaxing, for the first time in my life i can reach the o with a partner.
    The problem is not that, the problem is that i couldnt get rid of pmo, it's horriblie because now i cant climax unless i think p scenarios of my girlfriend. (and more than one im not even included in the action althought im doing it)
    Has anyone had this problem?
    It's really frustrating, i dont know if anyone it's going to understand me, i think im just writing to blow some steam off.
    I believe in NoFap and i want to change but i keep relapsing, and my brain always tries to rationalize me to come back to p. I feel so self defeating man. and that translates to every state of my life, i feel less than everybody, everyone is doing better than me, i cant accomplish anything, im weak, im dishonest with my partner about my addiction, (i think she thinks i dont watch P) so that makes me feel more guilty when i relapse.
    Well whatever, I really apreciate your time if you reach until the end and read me. :')
  2. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

    I know what you mean, I have the same. Cannot get hard in some possitions (blowjob, missionary) and once I get hard particularly in doggy and when she ride me it takes ages because I am hard but not so much turned on (desensitize due to death grip). Usually after 30-40 minutes of crazy fast fucking in doggy like machine (fucking sweaty hard work) I can cum but I need to inside because if I wait for her to turn over so I can blow on her face, in just those few seconds, I get soft again and cannot cum anymore. It's very frustrating for me and for girls as well since they think that they are not good enough to make me cum.
  3. Svabo

    Svabo Fapstronaut

    You obviously don't enjoy her in RL so you go to your imagination to stimulate your brain to get to the climax. You have to find a way to enjoy real thing like for example when you enjoy eating pizza: you don't need to imagine how you enjoy it but merely tough that you will eat pizza will make your mouth wash. Same is with being turn on, you have to want her like she is
    Also, maybe she is not your sex type. I know maybe it is to much to ask from a girlfriend that she acts like in pron but if she enjoys only vanilla sex and is death beat in bead, I think it is normal that you don't feel so turned on
  4. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    I’m sort of confused but how long have you been pmo free and does she know about your battle. Why does she think you have ED or DE?
    My ex had DE and as a partner it was quite horrible to deal with. I was the one to figure out it was PIED and he agreed to stop but lied to my face for 10 months and kept doing it. He could never O from me. Our sex love consisted of him moing over me with his eyes closed and fantasizing about porn. I could not speak and he would yell if I touched him. It was disgusting. I hated having sex with him. I felt like a failure and unattractive. This was a new relationship other men found me attractive? I had never had a man in my 36 years that I could not bring to O. I tried everything! Lingerie, toys, flirting etc. it would last so long I just wanted it to be over. I was in physical pain. I made my to do list counted ceiling tiles you name it. I started to cry a lot. I avoided sex. Each time it happened I would look at him and say “I don’t understand you stopped the pmo right? “ and he would look me in the eyes and lie.

    We went to counseling. He went to his family doc. He had his testosterone tested and he knew darn well what was causing it until I caught him! I found the porn and he admitted to it. I was devastated. But I decided to give him one more chance. 2 weeks pmo free he could O from my hand. But he never transitioned to oing from sex. It was like he was just using my hand to MO. There was no connection no intimacy and again I grew to hate it and avoid it. I just wanted normal real sex. He got angry at me for being upset he could not O during sex. I suspect he went back to pmo but just limited it. I left him. I did not want that type of sex life. But most of all I did not want to date a liar.

    I tell you this story for two reasons first you have to be honest, 100 perfect with her. You will never reboot in a relationship if she does not know. And if she finds out you have lied chances are high that she will leave. Second very few women are going to settle for the type of sex love you describe. We also want intimacy not just orgasm. We don’t want to compete with porn we never will and there are plenty of men out there that will give us that, I know I’ve found them. De kills our self esteem, makes us feel unattractive and used.

    You gotta quit if you want a chance in heck of having a relationship. You gotta quit. No slip ups no once in a while totally quit or I think you have seen above what your relationships will be like.
  5. Like GG2002 long have you been PMO free and more specifically P free or M free as singular activities. Even if you avoid MO but keep coming back to P you may not make much progress. If you spend too much time Ming...the same. Your body usually responds fairly quickly and if you go long enough even the wrong touch from an unattractive person from you unpreferred gender may set you off.
    However, if you have been true to Nofap and been patient it sounds like you are putting way too much stress on yourself mentally. You gotta figure out ways to mentally relax and live in the current moment not thinking ahead to how your gonna O. Meditate read books on how to relax exercise until your exhausted sleep in...find something that works
  6. serialfpr

    serialfpr Fapstronaut

    I had the exact same issues as you fixed 100% so happy to give my advice. I've been masturbating obsessively since 5 years old and watching porn since 9 years old. When I finally managed to get some girls to have sex with me around 16-18 years old, I couldn't even get hard. I blamed alcohol first until the time came I was sober and had the same thing. To be fair, I had a lot of performance anxiety.

    I found a girlfriend at around 20 and was already scared shitless about not getting hard again. I discovered "Vigra" (why is this word banned) and popped a full 100mg pill and was able to be hard for once (very drunk as well, so anxiety was reduced). But I had no feeling at all ("Vigra" actually reduces sensation, makes it harder to come, not recommended) so I thought it was just because I was drunk. Next morning we had sex again and I had the same issue. This was the time I realised I needed to change!

    What I did is I started with quitting masturbation for periods of time (e.g. 3 days, 7 days was best I could do). I told my girlfriend to not worry about the problem and asked her to please ignore it. So we started having sex regularly without me ever coming but she didn't ever mention it so it wasn't an issue. I quit masturbation for 7 days and still couldn't come from sex.. until one night I woke up very horny and we had sex.. I came in 2 minutes (was half dreaming so I had no anxiety in my head). It was just this one single time that was enough to tell my brain "You can do it, son!" and since then I was able to come from sex with a girl. In the beginning it took very long but later I learned to control it, and a few years later even managed to start enjoying blowjobs.

    Here is what to do:
    1. Stop porn and masturbation cold turkey
    2. Talk to your GF, tell her the problem and ask her to not worry about it
    3. Keep having sex when you feel like it, until one day you will come.
    Mike Bonanno, TommyShelby and GG2002 like this.

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