Dating multiple people at the same time?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by 1978, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    How do you feel about dating multiple people, or dating someone who is dating other people?

    I remember last year I messaged a woman on POF, telling her that I thought we looked like a great match. She replied saying that she agreed but that she had just struck up a conversation with another guy and they were getting on really well. WTF? That's far too early on to restrict yourself to just one person!

    And this year I had a date arranged several weeks into the future with a woman, but just a couple of days before the date she cancelled because she had started dating someone else. But even then I still thought it seemed too early to close off all your options. Why not go on a few dates with both of us and see who you like best?

    Of course, if long-term your idea of maximum romantic happiness is to be in a relationship with just one person, there will come a point in the dating process where you will need to make that decision. But why make that decision so early on?

    This is on my mind because of someone I have been chatting to recently on POF. On her profile it says that she spends her time divided between two different cities, and she's happy to meet people in either city. One of those cities is a lot closer to me than the other one. So then that gets me thinking, if this is the way her schedule is most of the time, maybe she could date two guys, one in each city? Maybe she could date me when she's in the city near me, then date another guy when she's in the other city. And I could find another woman to date while she's away. After all, life is short, why not squeeze the most out of it?

    I've not said any of this to her, but it's just been going though my head. And it's not even an actual plan, it's just ideas that have been going through my head.
     
  2. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    People do what they want though. I agree with you that it would be ideal not to make things so exclusive early on.
     
  3. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    Do they, though? Or do they do what they have been brought up to believe is socially acceptable?
     
  4. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Yes, they do that too. That's part of normalfagging.
     
  5. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Interesting subject. I prefer to concentrate on one person at a time, but in reality the world of dating is so fickle that it pays to have multiple options. I also find that if you have extra people in your back pocket (even if just chatting to them via text) it can take the pressure of dates, as you can simply arrange a date with another person if it doesn't work out.

    I have dated two people at once (only to a first date) and I think many more than that would be difficult - I have visions of getting the women mixed up and not remembering who said what! But I certainly wouldn't fancy getting into the situation where I was sleeping with multiple 'dates' and they were sleeping with multiple men. After a certain number of dates (and how many depends entirely on the situation), it's make your mind up time about whether to move towards a relationship or say goodbye and good luck.

    Those two examples of women closing off their options early are exactly that - I've known women throw their lot in with one man very early because they think there's a massive spark only to be duly ditched when they were ghosted, or went back to their ex, or found someone better or whatever.

    I don't know about that, I think such a situation could get messy. Depends on how far it went. Perhaps it's just not my thing.
     
  6. Dag

    Dag Fapstronaut

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    If you have very little experience I would recommend to date as many as you can.

    Also texting many girls at the same time is nothing wrong, you are just trying to build options and it will be emotionally easier, specially if you have little experience.

    On dating apps it's all about the looks, girls go for the good looking guys, that's all they care about on those apps.

    If they cancel you too early is because they are probably excited by some loser that is good looking.

    So its better to don't take it personally and DO something to succeed.
    Become better looking, more wise and quit the stupid beta habbit of porn.
     
  7. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think it's quite as black & white as that. Everyone tries to get the best they can, so the most attractive women will tend to go for the most attractive men. So if you're not having any luck with the most attractive women, you lower your standards a bit until you find your level.

    And this isn't just true about internet dating, it's the same if you first meet people in person. A guy will try his luck with the most attractive women, and if he doesn't have any luck then he will try with slightly less attractive women until he finds his level.

    I saw a documentary where they did an experiment. They put a load of men and women on roller skates on a kating rink, each with a number on their back ranging from 1 down to however many people there were, with 1 being rated the best. Nobody knew what number they had on their back, but everyone else could see.

    So then they set them all off skating, with the one goal to try to pair up with the highest ranking person they could. There was one woman who had the 1 on her back, so to begin with everyone was skating towards her, so she quickly realised she was rated the best, so she knew she could easily match with the highest rated guy. So once she had paired up, everyone turned toards chasing the 2nd best rated person, and so on it went, until eventually everyone was paired up with the highest ranking person they could match with according to their own rank.

    So dating is not full of all 1's all looking for other 1's.
     
    Dag likes this.
  8. Dag

    Dag Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, that's pretty much it.
    If it does not work you lower your standards.

    And so on and so on.
     
  9. 1978

    1978 Fapstronaut

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    On dating apps there is the whole range, right from 10/10 stunning beauties right the way down to ones you can hardly bare to look at, and everything in between. Me, I'll go on a first date with almost any woman as long as I think we might have something in common and she looks reasonably ok. It's all good dating experience.

    And one thing I've notice over the past year or so that I've been putting more effort into dating. I've lost my nervousness. I just don't tend to get particularly nervous anymore. A first date is just a nice friendly chat with someone I've not met before. Either there's natural chemistry or there isn't. Either way, there's really nothing to worry about.
     

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