Dating seems pointless to me

What’s goin on! I’m glad you’re apart of the community. First off i want to say that there isn’t anything wrong with your stance for the most part BUT don’t look at dating or sex as a waste of time. I used to think the same at your age I’m in my twenties now and turned to porn for a good portion of my teen years thinking who cares i get the same satisfaction. I thought this way for different reasons but it’s not the healthiest tbh. I say this bc within dating and sex are lessons that you won’t find anywhere else. You develop intimacy and skills in dating and sex that you wouldn’t with porn. Healthy sex and dating life have also been linked to studies on good self-esteem, productivity, and some other things. You’re young though so don’t look to deep into it your mind and body will begin to want sex and you’ll want to act on it, stop using porn tho and fuel that energy toward real females and do it with someone you have a connection with or would like to grow one with, this will change your viewpoint. I know it’s hard to imagine that high school lovers stay together but i can think of quite a few ppl in my circle alone who are still together from high school. And the girl I’m with now, i grew up with from elementary to now and she lives some hrs away but i travel to see her. Your mind can’t comprehend the accessibility you’ll have and the freedom and body changes and thought changes just be 13 and when things like this are relevant just don’t push them away or trade them in for porn. If you’re comfortable with taking part in it then do so

 

Yeah I was like that when I was 13 too; sweet and innocent. Even when girls approached me/flirted with me I just ignored them because all I cared about was gaming, working out and boxing (regretful now kus now I'm 17 and I've still never had a gf). You'll be wanting to fuck every chick on sight in the next 1-3 years hahahaha.

 

@Achiever80 is not about the end, is about the journey. I had 4 girlfriends in the last 15 years. Do I marry them or have children? no, but I had really good times with them. I also had really good times with other woman that never let to a relationship.
Besides woman I also worked, have hobbies, traveled, have friends.. etc. Personal goals and sharing your life with a woman is compatible if you know how to handle it.
Sex is a lot better than porn, having a good relationship makes you feels a little more happy than not having one. As you never had one yet you don't really know what it is.
At least try and have sex.. try and have a good relationship, if after that you think that a relationship and sex is a waste of time.. then never do it again.. just don't give up that easily on something you never tried before.

 

You are still a young teenager and may think differently about dating and romantic relationships in the future. There are so many things you will learn during your teenage years, so dating may appear to be a waste of time now. It's fine to take time to discover yourself through hobbies and other interests. Relationships brings a sense of happiness for most people as we are social creatures. Some may enjoy friendships more while others want intimacy through dating. Through the process of forming friendships or dating, you can understand how you communicate and gain social skills that applies to other areas of life.
There is also quite a difference between engaging in sex and masturbating to porn solo. Sex involves another person and takes time to learn that person's preferences for pleasure. It is more complicated than just searching up a porn site and fap away.

 

As a 13 year old you are right on track. Don't worry about sex or relationships. You have your whole life to figure that out. As a 13 year old that will ONLY bring you stress. Take these years and be a kid. Just be a 13 year old. I would be sick if I found out that men on here were encouraging my 13 year old son to think about and engage in sex and a relationship. The time will come for you.

 

You are very young and shouldn't even think about these things yet. It's truly sad how early kids are being sexualized nowadays. Straight up sickening. But in a few years you will be looking after chicks. When that happens don't go simping around and catching feelings. You got some good thoughts there and you will get to the proper age some day. Remember I would recommend you to forget that sleeping around even though some weak men can shame you for it. Nowadays very hard to maintain good relationship or have anything more than hook ups so don't focus too much on it. Find your purpose and females come after that and a few other things. Good luck pal.

 

You are 13 ?

 

You shouldn't think so)

 

I used to think like you, that dating is a waste of time and that I don't need anyone. Lived in a blissful ignorance, but when I finished the elementary school, it was like a slap in the face. Everyone I knew went in their own ways, and now I'm all alone, with no friends and no girlfriend, and it feels awful. That being said, you're still 13, it's too early for you to worry about dating, but don't disregard it in the future. Also, for your own sake, you need to snap out of your nihilistic attidute towards dating and marriage. You will never be able to truly love a woman and you'll never create a family if you're in the belief that marriage results in a divorce and that dating is a waste of time.

 

As a fellow teen,(15 in 4 months),the best advice i can give you is this-over here people date for fun, they date to have fun with their partner,since sex before 16 is not that common that'd really not what happens, people get in a relationship and if they are mature enough,they have fun and mess around (not sex) till life takes them apart,you may think of it as a waste of time,and honestly i did too,because at 13,it definitely is,but after you finish puberty,your hormones will drive you towards the prettiest girl around you, and that's a fact,till then don't worry much,after that does happen though,try to have fun, don't rush into sex,go out with her on dates,take her to your favourite restraunt,the arcade and what not,share your entire life till now with her and let her do the same,the bonding is really special and you probably won't regret it,unless you're with the wrong girl,stay single until you find the right one

 

I think you're driving at something with this post and you're about 85% correct. You're definitely right about dating in highschool. Where I'd disgree with you is that sex is an insane waste of time. Although I have to say that even about that I'd agree with you to a certain extent.

Indulging in pleasure doesn't exactly make us any stronger or better, and therefore isn't going to logically further or better our lives in any rational way.. Ahh but we're not entirely rational creatures are we? And you'll find this out first hand the first time you see that special lady; the one you just can't get out of your mind.

All that being said. I'm totally on your level of thinking where I am in life right now. Make the most of this time when you're single man. I'm in the same boat. Get the most out of your productivity, exercise, learning etc... Because this is the time that you have free reign of your life and you can make the BEST choices that will make you content and provided-for when the future comes. I've been single a year and I'm actually glad to be single in a sense because there's very little distracting me from computer science, piano, reading the classics, among other pursuits that I'm engaged in with the intent of making myself a more competent and capable person.

Keep at it man. And realize this: That I can see from your post and current state of mind when you wrote it that you're quite ahead of a majority of your peers for feeling the way you do. Just remember, when love comes, when it really comes, don't scorn it. Feel it and cherish it because it's part of being human.

 

Not sure if OP is still with us since last login is November but on the topic, there's truth to what you're saying but I mostly see it as a lack of context with dating. Yes you want some one on one time with a person you're interested in but people don't seem to get you get to know a lot about a person by being in their world, so it would effectively have to be in their social group. You see how they respond to other people around them and that lets you learn about their personality.

Of course we have a problem now with so much social isolation especially given the past year, and it isn't to say that two people cannot have much in common that maybe most other people won't have with them, but even there they might attend an event based on a common interest. (not exactly like say a movie for entertainment purposes only) But the common interest is itself a context.

When we're younger we generally have less specific interests so things are still in the air, this isn't good or bad it's just less specific. So in a sense yes it makes less sense to date but you can certainly make friends and be curious about each others interests.

 

Yeah I was like that at 13. You wait.

 

By this logic, temporary things don't matter since they're temporary... you can say the same things about all the sports you're in, and nearly everything in life. Humans evolved to find a partner, having sex, and children. The whole point of sex, from hookups through marriage, having children, is the same as the reason to play sports, study interesting subjects, and work on cool hobbies: It's to enjoy life as we've evolved to seek pleasure, whether that comes from accomplishment, glory, sex, whatever.

The problem happens when we get stuck on PMO so much that it overrides our ability to enjoy life over the long run.

 

If you'd be attracted to watching porn and masturbating, wouldn't that automatically mean that you wanted sex?

You're fortunate to be in this community at 13. I blew all my sexual energy away in my teen years that I could've driven myself with in many areas of life.

You don't have to follow your peers in whatever they do in terms of sex and dating. Everyone is different. Just stay off of PMO and the urge to be with girls will come, and it'll be a lot stronger for you than for others in your age group who are engaged in PMO.

If pursuing other things like hobbies, interests and healthy disciplines seems meaningful to you, then do it! Your motivation tank will be miles deeper than others who PMO. Sexual energy is precious, and I wouldn't want you to realize that much later in life. I did when I was 20, and by that point quitting PMO was much harder than it'd be when I started it.

Conquer, brethren!