Dating this girl who..

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by HVL85, Oct 28, 2019.

  1. HVL85

    HVL85 Fapstronaut

    Hi there.

    Recently I had a match on the dating app and we talked quite a bit. She seems like a nice girl. Now I have her on FB and I was looking at her posts and photos. It appears that she lost a LOT of weight. On her current photos she has a normal appearance but like I said a few years back or so she was a lot heavier.

    Now actually I'm more into skinny girls. But that's what I want. Not what you always can get. I might be overthinking this, but I'm already thinking about things like, what to say if she asks if you find her physically attractive?

    I feel like if she wanted to, I'd be dating her with 'false' pretences. On one hand I'd like to have a GF. But on the other hand there's this nagging inside me that tells me 'I want to date someone skinny'. Also, it seems like I can always think of a reason why I shouldn't date someone.

    What to do? I haven't talked to her much lately because I'm in so much doubt. Some friends tell me; 'it's all experience' or 'I should see how it goes'. I actually agree with this, but then I bump into the pretence thing again and what to say if she asks this or that about attractiveness.

    I guess the thing that I find troubling is that she might put the weight on again? And probably thinking too much in to the future.. have overweight children as well.
  2. C B

    C B Fapstronaut

    I don't have a lot of experience with this, but here's what I would say:

    •If she asks you a question, answer it honestly. If you find her attractive, just say it. What would be false about that?

    •Even if you both like each other and think each other is attractive, you should probably get to know her more, before becoming super serious. Find out her personality, independence, self-control, values, etc. You're dating a whole person, not just a physical appearance. Know what you're getting into. And be yourself so that she knows what she's getting into.
    Homelander likes this.
  3. If you like her give her a chance. Even if her physical appearence isnt ideal, her personality, and other characteristics may make up for that. Granted, you dont want to date someone that you think is ugly. But if youre expecting some mythical person to show up that checks every single box, you will be dissapointed. When I was younger and immature, there were a lot of girls that I didnt give a chance due to some minute thing that shouldnt have been an issue.
    I learned from that. So, when I got into my 20s I changed that. If a girl was interested in me and wanting to hang out with me, even if I didnt think she would be my type, I would atleast meet up with her once, even if for a short time, just out of respect for her, and just to give her that chance.
    Im not telling you to "settle" for someone youre not interested in, but I am telling you to be open minded.
    browneyedguy and Get_It like this.
  4. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

    I think the judgement and superficial standards are most of the problem

    What if she looked in your families photo albums and said she couldnt date you cause you were bald pudgy and had a half inch penis when you were a baby.
    RavenCrow and Deleted Account like this.
  5. HVL85

    HVL85 Fapstronaut

    This is actually quite helpful. One thing that still clouds my mind is that one question.. what do I reply if she asks if I find her physicially attractive.. while I'd still be in 'doubt' about it. Like I said I'm actually more into slim women.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. In general, I dont believe in lying. But there are exceptions. One is, never make a woman feel bad about her appearance. They are very sensitive about that and most (even the beautiful ones) are self concious about their appearance. I would never tell a woman anything to make her think she isnt beautiful or doesnt look good "enough".
  7. MisterDirection

    MisterDirection Fapstronaut

    So if you dont find her attractive

    What you are saying is you want to get laid.

    The truth is better than anything.

    I dont find you attractive but I want in your pants.
    cleanliving81 and Get_It like this.
  8. cleanliving81

    cleanliving81 Fapstronaut

    The smoothest pick up line I ever heard ;) LMAO
    Get_It likes this.
  9. HVL85

    HVL85 Fapstronaut

    I guess one will do what one is going to do anyhow. I didn't contact her anymore. I'm just not fully into her. I think it's more that I am really looking for a GF. I probably shouldn't focus on it so much but if you're getting older and you never had a GF you start to get impatient, bordering to desperation.
  10. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

    i.e., I don't want you forever, but tonight will suffice. LOOOL

    Sometimes you just want Miss Right Now.
  11. Before you begin dating, you really need to study a little more on the female psyche. Remember that women view themselves through the lens of male approval. Even very ardent feminist scholars understand (unhappily) women's desire for male approval. Feminists argue that this thirst for approval stems from "social constructs." Evolutionary biologists argue that the need for male approval exists in primate social patterns. Christian religious scholars may argue the need for male approval exists in woman's shame due to their deceit that caused our fall from grace.

    No matter the source, almost all academic and religious figures find the same phenomenon: Women need approval, constantly, from men they value. Every woman looks to her father for approval, and if she fails to receive that approval she may fall into "Daddy issues." We all know that women with Daddy Issues often spiral into dangerous and self-destructive behaviors that prevent forming positive relationships with men. Sadly, a woman who never finds healthy male approval may be permanently damaged.

    If you find a woman interested in you, who you do not believe you approve of, for her sake do NOT date her. You might (I'm not joking) damage her for life. You do not need to approve of her unconditionally. However, if you possess STRONG objections to her, you'll eventually be unable to hide these, and your disapproval will scar her.

    Your job from a female perspective involves building her up and providing her approval/attention. Do NOT think she operates like a man, and will well-receive honest critique. If a woman tells a man "Lift for me Bro, I like big arms." A man just lifts. He's glad he possesses a path to pleasing a woman. If a man tells a woman "run for me, I like thin women." A woman may easily shatter. She does not want a path to success, but she wants your approval most of all. This does NOT mean enabling her. You're definitely allowed to set a standard you'd like met, but you must be VERY careful not to damage her mentally through harsh judgement.

    Tl;Dr - Women who date men require male approval for healthy self-image, so until you grasp this concept innately, I'd avoid dating women who do not match your ideal.

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