Day 1,096

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by kropo82, Oct 2, 2019.

  1. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I find day counters useful, but sometimes they do not show the importance of a number. I remember in a talk once the speaker asked if 13,841,287,201 was divisible by seven. We were all a bit flummoxed because that's not easy to answer straight away in your head. He then rewrote the number in base seven and asked the same question: is 1,000,000,000,000 (base 7) divisible by seven? The answer is now obvious, purely because we changed the representation of the number, the number itself stayed the same.

    That's a long preamble to allow myself a moment of trumpet blowing. Let me rewrite my no-porn day counter from 1,096 days to ...

    3 Years and 1 Day

    I should have posted yesterday, but it's still pretty cool. My current streak started on the day I joined NoFap (that is not a coincidence), the 1st of October 2016. Thank you all for you help, insights, and support; I could not ave done this without you all. I know that is true since I had spent the prior six years trying and failing!
  2. Eaglevision_2019

    Eaglevision_2019 Fapstronaut

    Please share your new experience, did you recover from the adverse PMO effects?
  3. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

  4. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

    Hi Kropo,

    1) Do you consider yourself fully recovered
    2) How are sexual urges or sexual fantasies for you at this point?
    control your life likes this.
  5. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    We have to be a bit careful with this question, recovered from what? If you mean do I still consider myself an addict then yes, I do. There seems to be conflicting ways of looking at this. For some their addiction becomes and excuse to relapse and so for them it is important to reach a point where they no longer consider themselves addicts. I'm the opposite, my addiction gives me a reason to stay vigilant, to keep avoiding the situations I know will be difficult and to take precautions. So for me still considering myself an addict is an important part of the work I am doing to stay porn free.

    I still get urges to watch porn. Sometimes these are just one-off and easy, sometimes they crowd in on me. But I am so well practised now at resisting those urges I really think that I will be porn free forever.

    Sexual fantasies are more difficult to answer. I went through a period (2/10/18 to 17/8/19) where I was policing my fantasies using the techniques that @daemonswithin came up with and I tweaked with my therapist's help. But eventually that idea that I was policing my thoughts started to get too frustrating and so I dropped the self-imposed rule. I half expected that the result would be a flood of sexual fantasizing, but actually the opposite has been true, and now if they do crop up in my head I can make an in the moment decision whether to let it play out or to stop and think of something else. I usually choose the latter.
  6. theguynextdoor

    theguynextdoor New Fapstronaut

    Congrats. Huge achievement
    control your life and kropo82 like this.
  7. ItsSeal

    ItsSeal Fapstronaut

    Very nice. Hope you will improve your life even more day by day. Enjoy your day ^
    control your life and kropo82 like this.
  8. Powerous

    Powerous Fapstronaut

  9. humbleone

    humbleone Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the reply Kropo,

    1) Recovered from adverse physical effects of being an addict - all symptoms people list on this site. I myself suffer from PAWs 7 months in - I have social anxiety etc etc. My brian aches and throbs at the front any time I think of sex etc - has this all stopped for you and has normal brain function resumed?

    2) Have you managed to have a normal sex life?

    3) How important was a therapist for your recovery
    control your life and Kokakola99 like this.
  10. What are your mental/physical benefits?
    control your life likes this.
  11. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    @humbleone & @VeryImportantNick, sorry for the tardy reply.

    I didn't have many of the physical symptoms people describe. Actually that's not strictly true. I do not remember having ED but my wife reminds me that sometimes I did. But I can relate to PAWS. There have been times in my reboot when thinking about porn made me extremely anxious (most of the time in the early days!)The internal battle between temptation and sobriety was just so hard to win again and again and again. That's all calmed down now. I do still get tempted (infrequently, but in bursts) and now it is easier to turn away from. I don't want to bring bad news but that extreme anxiety recurred (albeit briefly) after 450 and 550 days. But I got through it, I'm sure you will too.

    Mixed. When we do have sex it is much better. I think that's because my wife trusts me now, she knows I'm focussed on her and that ... I don't really know how to describe this ... but she feels my intimacy differently. A few months ago she told me that she feels more loved now than she ever has (and we've been together since 1983!) I think it is that which has transformed our sex. But sex is not frequent. We can have some weeks when we make love three or four times but we also have long stretches of months where we do not make love at all. We are still very close and physical, but that's comforting not sexual sometimes. I'm not sure why that's happening. I think part of it is age (I'm 54), part of it is my wife's menopause, and part of it may be because as I have got use to not using porn and not masturbating either I have stopped chasing sex so much.

    This is hard to answer. The most important factor in my recovery has been this site. But I got frightened after the two periods of extreme temptation after 450 and 550 days. That was so far into my streak that I was frightened to be so close to relapse. So I found a therapist. She's been great, and she has helped me think through the underlying reasons that porn got such a hold on me. She has also helped with recovery beyond porn. I found that in order to stay porn-sober I really had to understand myself better, and that understanding led to other positive changes in my life. My therapist has been useful for that. Going into therapy is also a useful flag, it told my wife (and me) how committed I was to this. So I would recommend therapy, but it is not as important as staying active here (for me at least).

    The biggest changes for me have been increased self-awareness, feeling proud, and no longer feeling like a hypocrite. Those three mental benefits ripple through my life and cause lots of good (including physical change, I do lots of yoga now and am stronger and more flexible than ever).
  12. Black fog

    Black fog Fapstronaut

    Can you fit your balls in your pants?
  13. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

    Wow this is so great to see a success story like this and know that we're all in this together, like minded people who want the same freedom and it's possible for us! Thanks so much for taking the time to put all this personal recovery here!
    kropo82 likes this.
  14. MeditatingOnTheMoon

    MeditatingOnTheMoon Fapstronaut

    Three years!! That's impressive, keep it up man :)
    I just started, I registered into this website just the other day.
    kropo82 likes this.
  15. Alex1111

    Alex1111 Fapstronaut

    You're a legend and an inspiration man, thank you for this post it's definitely helping others too in their journeys.
    kropo82 and Zeeshaan like this.
  16. Andreaw

    Andreaw Fapstronaut

    3 years and one day, I to this day 11 months and 21 days, and I must say that you are like a beacon in the foggy night, for all of us.
    my goal of a year of nofap, is almost over, the first months were hard, very hard, with panic attacks, sudden cravings very strong, even I'm 50 years old, and at least 35 of continuous masturbation, I did not know what to expect, but the benefits have been countless.
    More security, no anxiety for life, more charm, not only with women, but with people in general. I am more spontaneous and natural in my relationship with others, and I see that they look at me with esteem.
    In addition to these "powers" but no super powers, it will be the age.
    Like you, I'm trying to do yoga when I can, to keep myself more elastic.
    I will move my next goal not to 2 years but to indefinite, to continue to improve every day.
    good life to all.

    Translated with
    Freeddom_Taker, Free-man and kropo82 like this.
  17. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    @Andreaw, your journey sounds very like mine. Those first few months are so hard but you are right to stay vigilant, I experienced brief periods of crippling temptation returned at roughly 450 and 550 days. They have gone now, but I am staying prepared
  18. Almost 450 days and I can't sleep. Hence this post at this time. What I'm feeling right now is indescribable. It's like I'm in the middle of nowhere, I don't know if I have to go back or go forward.
  19. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    @Freeddom_Taker I hear you. When I almost relapsed at 550 days I was in a hotel room on a work trip (that's often a difficult situation for me) and the desire to just release myself and submerse myself in porn was overwhelming and I could not sleep. Here are the things that helped me (it sounds like you know these already)
    • Sleep anyway, eventually you will drift off into sleep, especially if you firmly decide to not do porn. I used the old phrase that had helped me so much through those first few tortuous months: "no, I don't do that anymore"
    • Post here. People saw my journal post and responded immediately with support. That helped, knowing that I was supported by others and that my sobriety mattered to them to made all the difference.
    • Remember, you do not have to be string, just strong enough. Even if you feel more like a worm than a lion you can still muster just enough strength to declare "no, I don't do that anymore".
    • Being so close to a relapse so far into my sobriety frightened me and so I resolved to see a therapist. I found a local one who specialised in sex addiction problems and she has been great. I only see her once a month now, and I may be on the verge of stopping, but it has helped deepen my recovery.
  20. Some of my closest family insist to see a therapist but I never acted on it. Any tips from your sex therapist?

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