Day 1 Nofap, Insecure, Almost relapse, and HOCD

I am 18 years old. Been suffering from this porn addiction since i was 10 years old. I am not in best place in my life right now. Porn has made a negative impact on my education. Causing me to be distracted and lonely. When i watch porn and then when i stop, it like i am living two worlds. When i stop fapping to porn, i more confident, more uplifting, more focus, etc. Usually on day 4, i repeat the cycle the of porn. And i go back being a depress and lonely person.Today i almost relapse today because i felt insecure with myself. I go back to my hocd habit and pretend that it will bring me love however it dont.I know i am not gay but hocd will mind fuck you!!!! I just thank god i quiet the porn and continue on the journey. I have so many goals in life that i cant offer to relapse to my old ways. I am learning how to not follow my urges. I will try to journal more and read the bible to bring me more peace in my life. But i cant let stress, a bad day, or urges to make me relapse. ITS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!