Hello everyone, This is my first time attempting to reboot with the help of this community. I’m not expecting anyone to respond to this (although please, feel free), I just wanted to officially declare my intention in the forum as an added form of protection against relapse. I’m thirty-six years old and have been masturbating since I was fourteen. Even as a teenager I felt like I was addicted, using masturbation as not only a sexual release — something I feel is very normal and even healthy for a young, hormonally-beset individual — but as a salve against the anxiety I was experiencing. I am currently in recovery for drugs and alcohol and have been sober for over seven years. The idea of quitting yet another thing is daunting (I have been free of coffee and cigarettes for years as well, not to mention many intense, dietary restrictions). I have tried on my own to quit previously and have failed again and again. At one point, I successfully quit commercial porn for over four years. When I tried to eliminate masturbating as well, I found it all but impossible. I would get desperate after a week, then find a girl to get off with, which was not sustainable (or ethical, considering that the women’s feelings were a secondary consideration). While off of porn, I would masturbate regularly (1-2 times a day), often using pictures sent to me by women from dating apps. Strangely, even my real-life sexual encounters often involved manual self-stimulation. After years or promiscuity (with limited success) I now have an STD. Lucky me, I also have a wonderful, lovely girlfriend (I disclosed my STD on our first night), and we have a really good sex life. Her appearance is very much like that of some of the pornstars I would view, and so it might seem like the need for masturbation was eliminated. But I never stopped. I found/find myself missing the thrill of new sex partners and have gone back and forth with porn throughout our relationship. I want to quit PMO for several reasons: 1) It creates tremendous anxiety. 2) It it antithetical to the health of my relationship with my girlfriend. 3) It dulls my enjoyment of real activities, like movies and music. 4) It diminishes my enjoyment of actual sex. I am tired of going around in circles. Whenever I use porn, I end up doing so on a regular, daily basis until I forcibly stop myself. I then masturbate using my imagination, which eventually leads me back to porn. Porn feels very much like a drug (trust me, I’ve done plenty), and that is disturbing to me. Were I single, I think that finding a way to masturbate without pornography as an occasional, sexual release would be appropriate. Perhaps I am so addicted that it would be impossible. Either way, I am in a healthy, loving relationship that shows no signs of ending (we are both planning on getting married eventually) and, therefore, I see no reason to continue masturbating.