Well, however uneventful yesterday was, this morning has proven to be more colorful. After about 4 hours of anxiety-riddled sleep, I have awoken to a full-on assault to my self esteem. I’ve been cycling through every self doubt, every moment of frustration and embarrassment in my personal history. To be fair, I have thoughts like this a lot — it seems the elevated-baseline anxiety of the Covid-19 crisis has played a part in that — but this morning the intensity is magnified. I am trying to set my NoFap expectations low; rather than gaining superpowers, I really just want to be rid of the burden of addictively masturbating. But if I can get the added benefit of greater confrontational tolerance (which, in my 20s, was fairly high), less self doubt and great confidence, that would be wonderful. That said, I’m not playing on this being some kind of a mental health cure-all. I had a thought last night on the fundamental difference between addictive masturbation and actual sex — masturbation seeks to lose something, whereas healthy sex seeks to gain it. Historically, I have masturbated to shed feelings of discomfort — anxiety, boredom and nagging feelings of lust. I am used to contending with anxiety and boredom. Lust is where things get tricky for me.