Day 1, Rebooting

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by HellComestoFrogtown, May 1, 2020.

  1. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Well, however uneventful yesterday was, this morning has proven to be more colorful. After about 4 hours of anxiety-riddled sleep, I have awoken to a full-on assault to my self esteem. I’ve been cycling through every self doubt, every moment of frustration and embarrassment in my personal history. To be fair, I have thoughts like this a lot — it seems the elevated-baseline anxiety of the Covid-19 crisis has played a part in that — but this morning the intensity is magnified. I am trying to set my NoFap expectations low; rather than gaining superpowers, I really just want to be rid of the burden of addictively masturbating. But if I can get the added benefit of greater confrontational tolerance (which, in my 20s, was fairly high), less self doubt and great confidence, that would be wonderful. That said, I’m not playing on this being some kind of a mental health cure-all.

    I had a thought last night on the fundamental difference between addictive masturbation and actual sex — masturbation seeks to lose something, whereas healthy sex seeks to gain it. Historically, I have masturbated to shed feelings of discomfort — anxiety, boredom and nagging feelings of lust. I am used to contending with anxiety and boredom. Lust is where things get tricky for me.
     
  2. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Day 13! My sleep has been back and forth. I am starting to feel some joy peaking through (some anxiety as well). I’m definitely getting tempted, but not unbearably so. I’ve noticed myself Googling hot actresses I noticed in movie scenes and such. Trying to keep an eye on that so as not to tempt myself. I need to remember that I am committed to this new lifestyle, and so looking at sexy content (unless it is within a dramatic narrative; I absolutely refuse to limit which films I watch) will only frustrate me and complicate the experience. Looking forward to completing two weeks.
     
  3. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Day 14, holding strong. I enjoyed some deep, restful sleep last night.
     
  4. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Day 15, week three begins. So far, so good.
     
  5. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

    76
    91
    18
    Your situation sounds very similar to mine, I wish you the best in your journey to a better you
     
  6. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Same to you! Thank you for the encouragement.
     
  7. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Day 16 has been interesting. Still going strong.
     
  8. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Day 17. Had a very anxious night last night. Just how dramatic this transformation is is really proving how real this process is.
     
  9. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Btw, if anyone needs any extra motivation to stay away from porn, I just learned that PornHub has been hosting all sorts of child pornography and illegal rape videos. How the police haven’t broken down doors over this is beyond me. To learn more about this or donate, go to traffickinghub.com.
     
  10. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

    76
    91
    18
    On day 6 now, have had some slight rough patches here and there, doing better at not having such wondering eyes in public, I catch myself, and say to myself that I'm better than those thoughts. If your not in a relationship I commend the singles that are going through this. I have noticed more productivity and purer ways of thinking. Trying to kill alcohol, porn and masterbation at the same time is rough, but I'm getting more done around the house. I have yet to talk to my wife about NoFap forums, thinking about writing my thoughts down tonight for her. I guess I'm afraid of being held accountable for my actions and opening up old wounds and letting her down. I've been really passive about the things I want to do with my wife, and they are things that we have enjoyed in the past. She is okay with a vanilla sex life, but I want to get more kinky, not because of porn, but more intense orgasms. She really enjoys different activities, but not very forthcoming of instigating them. Guess I'm afraid of her judgement of me that has not existed, only my insecurities in my own head
     
  11. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    First off, congrats on day 6! That’s amazing. I too haven’t been tremendously assailed by urges, which leads me to believe that this may be a period of what therapist Joe Zychik describes in his book The Most Personal Addiction as the “repression” phase. If you’re not familiar, repression is a temporary stage in quitting masturbation (and probably other things) where the mind subconsciously suppressed the urge. I’ve often had it for the first two weeks or so, and it’s deceptive, because it creates the illusion that quitting fapping is easy. Eventually, the dam breaks and the urges come flooding back in ways, which can be very challenging. I’m on day 18, and bracing myself for it and when that happens. Because I really want to keep my streak forever; the dramatic physical withdrawal effects are clearly demonstrating to me that ceasing masturbation is a very important step for me.
     
  12. backtolife2020

    backtolife2020 Fapstronaut

    11
    11
    3
    Good luck. I had a relapse and went full on for a week. Now its time to quit PMO again. I can really feel the difference today from being a heavy PMO the last week. I have no confident or joy in things like I had before the relapse. It is crazy.
    wish you luck. I am also a recovering man from other things
     
    HellComestoFrogtown likes this.
  13. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

    76
    91
    18
    It's going to be tough this week, working nights and won't have much time with wife, these are the toughest days for me. I almost caved last night, but jammed out on my guitar and read the manual for my amp, got to keep busy or I'll fall apart
     
  14. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Thank you so much the encouragement. I wish you the best of luck as well!
     
  15. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    I think relapses come when you get tricked into thinking NoFap is an overreaction and you could be having more fun jerking off. That how it is for me. I just keep reminding myself it isn’t true. The anxiety and sleep disruptions are proving to me that something real is happening. I knew my jerking off habits weren’t healthy, so I am assuming that NoFap is.
     
  16. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Day 19. This is starting to feel easy, a sensation I am quite weary of. I wouldn’t say that I am totally “flatlining” (my girlfriend and I have been enjoying sex regularly), but I do feel like my sex drive has been repressed. Each night dreams continue to be a strange odyssey into the furthest reaches of my imagination...
     
  17. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Day 20. I’ve been sleeping more deeply. Not too much temptation.
     
  18. 72jbjekapm

    72jbjekapm Fapstronaut

    76
    91
    18
    Awesome, congrats, I'm going thru some struggles now, working nights, makes things tougher on work days, got to keep pushing forward. Haven't viewed porn in over a week that's a record for me, guess we're moving on to better things in life.
     
    HellComestoFrogtown likes this.
  19. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Hey! A week plus is amazing! Congratulations. My 21st day was nightmare. I’ve been off of work with the pandemic (I hate my job) and have been using the time to work toward the career I actually want. I just learned that my job is aiming to reopen at the beginning of July (I was hoping for September or October haha) and I was devastated. Horrible depression and anxiety flooded in. I wonder how much NoFap withdrawals may have exacerbated that. Anyway, my streak is still going and the day just changed to number 22
     
  20. HellComestoFrogtown

    HellComestoFrogtown Fapstronaut

    58
    11
    8
    Day 23. I have been struggling with low self esteem for a while, and my therapist and I have been going in circles on the topic. Last night, my girlfriend and I talked it out and were able to identify the underlying causes. It was a very liberating feeling. To entirely chalk this up to NoFap feels dishonest — after all, this is work I began well before my latest streak — but there is an increased clarity and focus that I am experiencing as part of this lifestyle change that I suspect has contributed.
     

Share This Page