Due, I am in the exact same place as you are in right now including the messy room. I find it difficult doing the slightest task to improve my life. I have been a member since last year and I went on the worst relapse since my freshman year of college. That was between November '19 and now this very moment. I am truly ready to get back on this. Yours was the first post I decided to read upon m return. Good Luck to you. Thinking about love, real love, what is should be and not tainted by pornographic sex's influence is one of the things that helps me sleep restfully and if I dream about it that gives me hope of what good can come back to me.