Today I was at a friends house. I went there last night and we chilled until today at about 8pm when I went home (it’s almost 10pm now) I’ve been anxious because of the thought in the back of my head that I may have relapsed. It started when me and my friend were looking up music about 45 minutes before I left. My friend is horny and he likes to make sex jokes and play sexual stuff and all that. My other friend and I were joking mainly at first telling him to stop looking up porn and playing sexual rap songs. I tried covering my ears as much as I could as if I listened it definitely could have aroused me. It got to the point where I wanted to show him a song to take it off of the sexual stuff and play something less sexually explicit. (Keep in mind I did NOT get a boner from any of this as it was quick and luckily it may have not been arousing enough to be a relapse) but I searched for the song I wanted to show and I kept coming across clothed girls in the thumbnails with curves that came off as attractive. It was softcore.(TRIGGER WARNING FOR SOME) But then I saw an ass in a bikini bent over and then I looked for another second as I curiously wondered what it was then got aroused after kinda being aroused from the image before. I scrolled away. Probably didn’t phase my friend as he doesn’t do Nofap and the stuff he sees is way more than that and he doesn’t even consider it anything. I then watched the video my friend pulled up (didn’t expect porn) but I was looking at a girls face in the video (she wasn’t nude or anything, not super hot either) because I think my brain was trying to latch onto something arousing to get me full on relapse. But I didn’t. I then fought other urges to take the actual step of intentionally looking up erotic material that is arousing enough and look at it for a long enough time to even get an erection. I started kind of looking at the stuff I was seeing in the other thumbnails as life and inevitable as I don’t need to look at these images as arousing. They are just women. But I Did get aroused a bit and that’s what kinda worried me. I just don’t know what to call it because I fought the urge and I resisted to actually full blown look at parts of the body on the women and get aroused or linger on the images. Like I said. I didn’t get an erection. I feel fine honestly. I’m not going to call it a relapse as I easily could of chose the wrong path that lead to porn by lingering on images. But I did look at them and I did look at a face for 3 seconds or so. Please let me know your thoughts. Please read throughly. Am I ok if I stay away permanently? Seeing how I didn’t get that aroused and I didn’t have urges that extreme because I was disgusted with the fact of how I’d feel after I fulfilled the temptations. Let me know and thanks.
