Day 10 of no PMO - (social) anxiety increase and intense (stomach) pain

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by daymare, Apr 20, 2019.

  1. daymare

    daymare Fapstronaut

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    Hi to all fellow Fapstronauts,

    I'm currently on day 10 of no PMO, with no intention to ever start again; no specific 'this many days'-challenge. The first 6 or seven days went by pretty fast, I felt kinda good. But since day 7 I'm having this non-stop physical stomach pain, and my anxiety seems to be omnipresent. It seems at least the same, or even worse than before when I still PMO-ed, daily, to increasingly f*cked up stuff.

    About the anxiety, even typing this post is hard. With every word I type my mind goes like: what will people think when they read this, am I using the right grammar, and a lot more of this non-sense. Can't seem to shut it off. When I take a walk, for instance, go to the supermarket, it feels like everyone is looking at me - and judging me. I've been prone to having these anxieties for a long time - and also the stomach aching, amongst other pains, such as a constant burning sensation on my back and in my hands. Thing is, these pains weren't there 10 days ago when I still watched porn and masturbated.

    The day before yesterday I was so incredibly close to relapsing, and yesterday and today I am again. It's cravings, 24/7. Driving me kinda insane.
    People here on nofap report a huge confidence boost, after quitting - easy to talk to girls, etc - I know I am just on 10 days, and it might take a lot longer (probably my brain is rewiring or something), but I'm really uncomfortable around others, mostly in an hidden way; I mean - people have often said during my life that they never expected me to have all these problems, cause I seem like a really relaxed guy. Talking of problems: porn, sex is my core addiction. But next to porn I drink at least 2 bottles of beer every day, am prescribed with dexamphetamine, and lorazepam, I smoke cigarettes, a lot - I eat unhealty and stay up late, I'm still behind my computerscreen a LOT - playing games or just browsing Youtube or forums. Then there is marihuana, which I used to smoke every night, but I quit this on day 2 of no PMO. I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore, but - it's just that I am in constant pain, all day. It's hard to distinguish between PMO/marihuana withdrawal symptoms and my body just getting poisoned by the bad habits described above.
    I also tend to search for a replacement for porn in these bad habits, mostly alcohol and smoking. I don't overuse dexamphetamine, anymore - cause I see no point in taking it without porn (used to edge for hours while high on dex, combined with lorazepam and weed). Rationally I know that I should do things like sporting, going out there, enjoy nature - but this crippling anxiety keeps me from doing this.
    Not to be all negative, I notice that I took up some healthy habits - basic things like showering more often and brushing my teeth twice a day - but I have to be honest when I say that these good habits (how trivial they might be - I mean, what's so hard about taking a shower or brushing teeth) have been harder to sustain since day 7, when phyiscally and mentally everything went to sh*t.

    I guess the basic question is: will it take a LOT longer for me to feel better, or is it unlikely, since I have these other addictions? Is my brain really rewiring? Or will it stay tuned to porn - because of my dex, alcohol and lorazepam usage? Do they share the same pathways, touch the same circuit, if you catch my drift?

    A lot of questions, quite a long read too. It's kind of jumping from subject to subject, but thanks in advance for reading or taking the time to reply.

    Best,

    Daymare
     

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