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Day 100, figured it was time to acknowledge some success here

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by TheFutureMe, Jun 11, 2017.

  1. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

    Greetings fellow Fapstronauts. I hope you'll take someting away from this modest reading, and hope it won't be too boring. For the sake of length and freedom to choose which part you're interested in, I've enclosed the context and process and such in different spoilers which i tried to name aptly. They're not just titles, open them!

    First of all a little history. I'm 36, been hooked on M for about 25 years, which quickly grew from fantasy to images then phone then movies, then escalated to every single form P and its sexual hyperstimulation has taken since then. Back when 320px*200px 21 Mb video was 4h download, and I was on it like flies. Anyway long story short, I've always craved hyperstimulation in every domain of my life, going as far as not doing anything if I could'nt foresee the immense results in advance. It was a mindset so deeply rooted in me that I thought everybody who weren't the same were considered "so damn lucky to have found a balance or to know exactly what fulfills their needs" etc etc : a supposedly unattainable state.

    Fast forward a couple of decades (of heavy omnipresent damaging P use), my life explodes under all the crap that has been following my unhealthy way of living up till then. Including a crippling Delayed Ejaculation that had always been with me, to the point that I was really wondering what the joke was when the media were talking about average orgasm timing in men.... I never had that many male friends, and the ones I hung around with were like me, not too keen on sharing these kind of things. So I went on blindly until my first girlfriends were like "There there, it's ok, it can happen to everybody". And I was like "Watcha talkin'bout, that shit is normal!" And they all quickly felt unable to please me (which was wrong) because they couldn't last hours to make me O, it physically hurt them despite some pleasure in the beginning. That helped crush my already terrible self-esteem when my very much loved ex felt in a depression because of that (of me and my bizarre ways), which I quickly followed with, and everything went boom in a flash of blinding light.

    As the time of recovery came, I started stripping everything in my life down to the bone, the why, the what, the how. Amid a terrifying number of things that need fixing, there was the P issue that I suddenly, for the first time in my life, viewed as somehting that had a core responsibility in many aspects of my behaviors, feelings and general way of living and interacting with the world. How did I realize that? By stumbling on some posts by Fapstronauts on reddit. Questions started tugging my mind in every direction until my eyes suddenly opened : I was officially a P/M addict, and have been for a long time, and I wanted this to change.
    tl;dr Heavy user for 25 years, crippled by a bad case of Delayed Ejaculation, my life explodes under the weight of my sexual issues in particular.

    I started the NoFap challenges in early 2016 after trying to learn as much as I could about the condition, the successes, the fails, the science and the experiments, the numbers and the distress.

    Progress has been tricky to say the least, and like someone wiser than me said sometime ago, Progress brings peril to the unwary. So it happened.

    Each fail brought knowledge, each success brought strength.

    Small bits of knowledge and small bits of strength piled up, helped me plow through these uneasy times, until I could reach small goals, then bigger ones, then witness changes unfold while a new/different life took over with its many wonders and suprises.

    It took more than 6 months until I managed to stay 90 days without any P or Psub at all. During this period I did M as often as every three days, with no support other than souvenirs of my exes for example, so fantasy was still there, M was still there, and mainly unmanageable - there was no way I could delay too much. When an urge hit, I knew (and probably that's the reason it kept happening) I was due to MO in a couple of days.

    The desastrous relapse happened after I met a woman at friends and started courting her. She moved me deeply, put something in the cracks of my core, it expanded and crushed the floodgates. After I realized she wouldn't have me in her life I lasted only a couple of days before letting myself down, lowering the bridge and letting the barbarians free to sack everything, pillage and rape. So they did, and I couldn't do any more progress for the next 2 months. Not even a couple of days with enough willpower to set a goal. Binge was real. And it was a stupid time - If you read this, don't binge. DON'T DO IT.

    Finally I got back on my feet, raised the flagstronaut (see what I did there?) again, and set out for some more NoFap. I managed to get 30 days under my belt easily with the old ways - No P, some M. But that wasn't satisfactory, I felt hunted by my own brain. I knew what was lurking behind this forced abstinence, a potential for huge relapse because my shit wasn't together, and I needed to get this done, to structure my life and myself by facing a tough challenge. So I set course on Hard mode, extensible length, with objectives ranging from 10 to 30 to 60 to 90 to 180 to 360 to 500.
    tl;dr With 18 months of NoFap, I've trialed and errored the shit out of my addiction to realize the best ways to stay away from that shit at first, which partially worked, until it didn't, then realized staying away wasn't enough - true change was necessary

    Today is day 160 NoP and 100 NoM. For full disclosure I had 2 Os during this period of time, one around day 60 and one around day 120. Nothing that lasted, just random occasions for quick sex, in which I could validate that my ever-known Delayed Ejaculation problem (having me last for up to 6 hours of unending sex without ejaculating) was gutted.

    Why post now, since it's not one of my planned goals?

    Well, I was searching for a movie to watch while eating lunch today to make me forget the amazing girl that quite abruptly told me to fuck off the day before. So there I was on my favorite site, which happens to be usually very careful with their stuff. I stumbled upon a movie with a dubious title that got me curious, and while clicking on the timing bar to fast check what it was going to talk about, I've been exposed with softcore P against my will. And sure enough, there it was, the feeling down in my groin that lit up instantly with one shouting voice : look, and M till O. Quite calmly I continued to fast check to see if that was only the one scene and I had been unlucky. It' was not, and the next 3 clicks sent the same urge through my body and brain. I was in shock, breathed, went back to the menu, and went on looking for a proper movie, which I found. (Btw if you haven't see Captain Fantastic yet, take the time, it's got interesting views and acting!)

    I had some work to do on the computer so I stayed at my desk, carried on surfing and working, and the urge just wasn't there. Pretty much as soon as the images disappeared from the screen it was fading, much like an echo in a cave, or a dream when you wake up. No. Power. At. All. And then I realized, I'm not under this crap's influence anymore. Despite the immediate shock, I was unharmed, I freely carried on with my day, and it hasn't even been hard to manage.

    So I figured, why not get out there and post what I wanted to post at 180/150. After all the numbers are great to get started, but 99 isn't that much worse than 100, so fuck the goals - here's a success that lasts and has amazing results.
    tl;dr Had some unwanted invasive P experience today, and I passed with flying colors despite an immediate burn from the addiction rocket. Figured it was a very nice time to share the success, the change, and the hope

    What helped me, what didn't (just my experience in my case, don't be mad)
    + Cold showers / A good start to fight early immediate urges, postpone action until the need is gone, idea weaker and body soothed. Got obsolete after a while when the urges where more of a growing tide rather than a smashing wave.
    ++ Gym / Tehcnicaly I've only been running and doing some fitness at home with an app... But the results in confidence boost and endorphins generation is unquestionable. Helped setting goals and reach them, and delay gratification
    ++ NoFap forums / Reading, chatting, interacting, helping has been a great way to keep reminded of the damage I did to myself. It improved willpower and knowledge a lot.
    +++ Meditation (Mindfulness) / My best weapon, 5 minutes a day is all you need, you can do it anywhere without anyone noticing, and your mind becomes powerful and peaceful at the same time. Clearly an habit that put the right leverage where I needed
    -- Porn Blocker / Tried it briefly, but the very idea of feeling "safe" in front of my screen was defeating the purpose of getting control over my life, behavior and habits. What would happen when the fridge is locked but you pass in front of a supermarket?​

    Accumulated benefits and other surprises
    • Delayed ejaculation - Effin' gone. Good effin' riddance. I'm still locked somewhere between 30mins and an hour, but man that feels quick and more intense than ever. Maybe there's a normal sex life out there for me. That reassures me so effin' much.
    • Self-confidence - It's been an unprecedented change. I now value my thoughts and emotions and very existence, voice them over to the world with peace and assurance, and have them cared for. That had never ever been the case before.
    • Social anxiety - I'm not sure whether it's NoFap or the overall recovery process I'm leading that did it, but unlike any other time in my previous life, I can talk to anybody, anytime, anywhere, about anything (litteraly). It's even disturbing because I've never had so many contacts, I don't even know what to do with them all, I feel like keeping friends with everybody... But that's just impossible! Still a bit too shy with women I like but that's not going away I suppose.
    • Clear mind - There certainly is a brain fog that's gone. I now only experience it after big nights and little sleep, which feels kindda normal. It also helps to ground me into reality, into the present moment, into what's here and now. Probably a direct side-effect of the mindfulness meditation. This is part of the massive positive feedback loop that can free you from the P vicious cycle: Clear mind leads to positive thoughts and things, leads to mental and physical benefits, leads to an even clearer mind.
    • Energy and projects - Most of the procrastination is gone (except the bad cases that I still patiently overcome but aren't linked to P in any way, more of a personality trait regarding perfectionism and impeccable accomplishment), revealing a life full of energy, quick reactions, planning projects and enabling friends in their own
    • Women - I'm still ashamed when I realize the way I used to think about women, look at them, consider them, and categorize them. Not that I've ever been a jerk to any of them, ever (yeah I know, but it's real), but the true nature of my sight was perverted, oriented, sexualized, and pretty much a disgrace. Being able to see so much beauty in sooo many of them, all the imperfections that are so cute, so diverse, so unimaginably attractive.

    Where I stand now, and a tale of the future
    I know I've rebooted. I had to use tricks against my own brain during this progression but the results are here. And I don't need anymore tricks. 18 months ago I wouldn't have believed it could feel this way, let alone happen that fast. Maybe I've been lucky and efficient in the ways I've changed the background of my life, that fertile place where addiction grows. It is a tremendous pride, and I feel lucky to have been guided here at NoFap, to have been welcomed and supported and listened, towards a state that I wished to accomplish but my own vicious mind thought scheme prevented me to contemplate at the time. Thanks to you all!

    I'll stay here at the forums until one a few things happen;
    • Reaching 500 days with a confident approach for the future;
    • I decide that I need to move away from the thought of monitoring myself for P (because it would be a hindrance at the time);
    • I meet a partner I can confide in for all this matter
    I think it's fairly interesting to note that this very experience with addiction, the people who are struggling and battling, the people who break away, the people that care for all of the latter, has lit up a flame in me that will be used to fuel my new career : becoming a trained psychologist and working almost exclusively on that topic. I'm starting back at the Uni in september - Wish me luck !
    If anything more changes in the next few months I'll probably try and come back and synthetise the new info in a new post, maybe, we'll see how it goes. I've seen so much change already I'm not even asking for more anymore!

    You guys can do a ton of things to have a positive impact on the changes you'd like to realize. Being in this community, participating and challenging yourselves is a big part of that. Keep it up, and I wish to read you soon in the success section.

    May a lot of light shine on your paths, and peace fill your hearts and minds.
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2017
    flor3334, DE.HK, Mirach and 45 others like this.
  2. NewDrug

    NewDrug Fapstronaut

    Amazing story my friend and thanks for sharing your techniques and experiences. Glad to hear you realize what an amazing leap you've made to better your life. Much respect to you and here's to even greater benefits ahead!
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  3. Brilliant story. I'm back at uni in September too, so during summer I'm going for no PMO whatsoever and I'll see how it goes. I've experienced all of the negative effects you experienced before your journey.
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  4. antycorpo

    antycorpo Fapstronaut

    Thank you for this post. It is a very inspiring story. May I ask how old are you?
    Good luck with your career shift!
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  5. Daniel_W.

    Daniel_W. Fapstronaut

    I wish you tremendous luck with your education.
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  6. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your kind wishes and support!

    @antycorpo, I'm 36 now, which is kind of late to start 5 years education *again*... there's more in the spoilers ;)

    @Aodhàn I suppose this is an amazing idea since you can regain focus and energy once you stop at least any form of P/Psub
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2017
    antycorpo likes this.
  7. Den24

    Den24 Fapstronaut

    Good luck, my friend! Enjoy your life and live it to the fullest!

    I am sure you are going to be an outstanding physiologist as you already have a great personal experience in the sphere that troubles lots of people. And what is more important, you know where to find the answer to the question "How to get rid off an addiction?" Your community will benefit largely from your efforts!

    Have a great time and let the Force be with you! :)

    P.S. Thanks again for the "One day at a time" tool. It works perfectly!
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  8. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

    @Den24 I'm so glad that what helped me is now there to help you :D Hopefully someday it will spread and become someone else's support :)
    All the best to you too!
    Den24 likes this.
  9. Aeofl

    Aeofl New Fapstronaut

    Question about procrastination,can you talk about how much you used to procrastinate and how much you don't now(detailed if possible)?I am an addict for about 9 years and I've almost never been able to focus anything,always studying exams a day before,or sometimes not even at all,never been able to finish a project(I am interested in video game making) so I am curious about how improved does it get,or if my procrastination is about pmo or something else.
  10. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut


    My levels of procrastination made me pile on stuff on a desk, in lists, in mailboxes, etc. sometimes way past the moment where it was due or expired. The rule of thumb was, the more important it is, the worse the chance I had to tackle it in time. There were exceptions of course, all the things that really couldn't be delayed without having dire consequences on my studies, work, life in general. These were tackled... the day before, or maybe even the same day or the next, with a pathetic excuse to try and soothe anybody's fury about the 3 weeks I had to execute which were more than enough. Why did that happen? Well I always had "something else to do before I can start that" or maybe "this wasn't the right time to do it" etc. Which has ALWAYS been a false excuse and impression - proof is the time i didn't spend doing these, I spent roaming for P, playing videogames, surfing the web, watching movies, and masturbating like crazy. So there was time. It's just that I had rather not do something useful, focus my energy and will on something that was needed/necessary/helpful because I was in avoidance. Domapine excess makes you act like that, and changes your behavior so you wish only one thing, it's to stay in a blissful state of no worries. (And it's obvioulsy a mistake)

    Now it's a different story. I still pile stuff on the desk when it happens to get to me all at once, but there's nothing in the way of me dealing with them. I plan a little, but since there's nothing in the way everything goes pretty smoothly in prioritizing what needs to be done first, then next, then on this day, then Oh I forgot this is actually a better idea if i tackle that today EVEN IF IT'S NOT NEEDED UNTIL 2 WEEKS. And that's a powerful change. I feel in control of my life. The more things I do, the less I'm prone to procrastinate with the next. Read that again, it was a fantastic thing to understand ! Doing make you do more. Which is the exact opposite of procrastination, in which the less you do the less you're willing to do. Or maybe it derives from the same behavioral malfunction ;) Specificaly, now I still have a focus effort to make while tackling stuff that is a bit challenging or unknown, like a cover letter for a job, of starting my company. Anything "easier" than that has the taste of something that will be done properly and in time, because I don't wont them in the way of my life.

    One thing you'll discover is that all this procratination kept a huge veil of floating unresolved things over you and your thoughts. Once you start resolving them, tackling them, the veil shrinks, lightens, and the more this happens the easier it is to get started at something small, then regular, then big. It's really a process rather than a switch button. There's actual effort to be done in this regard to get rid of this toxic cloud.
  11. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

    I am perusing a number of projects currently, including a new education, promoting my photography and writing, conquering new areas in my field, and seeking a sentimental life more than ever before (damn that came out cheesy as hell.). Truth be told right now I'm a bit all over the place with all these things going on at the same time, so I tend to invest my time in what's the most urgent, and not really being able to dedicate a fixed amount of daily time to any activity. I'm working towards that and it's my next goal, particularly for my writing.

    At first during the reboots I've used a number of tools (including an app with reminders) to track the occurrences of things that i wanted to build a habit around. Namely Fitness/Gym, Meditation, Focus, NoFap of course, and Reading/Writing. At first in the reboots it was very frustrating to see that I couldn't make it. Then when procrastination eased I was able to even forego the tools and deal responsibly with healthy habits, wishes and projects. It wasn't straightforward, but it got more natural than being remninded that something had to be done. It's still in progress so I can't give you a final word on that! For example I need to fix something on my car and still I'm delaying it, just because I can.

    What I know for sure (in my case) is that the NoFap experience shed an incredible light on many areas where I wasn't even able to look before. There, lurking in the shadows, were parts of me that seemed wild and dangerous but in the end prove tamable. Procrastination is one of them. Realizing that I was the one in control and the one responsible for my life on a day to day or even hour to hour basis was especially helpful getting rid of the devastating side-effects, which in turn gave a positive feedback effect on the addiction itself. The positive cycle kicked in. Long projects soon followed, because when my days stopped being feverish flights from everything, everyone and even my own life (mainly using P and other stuff), suddenly there was this calling, all the dreams I had and the projects I had put aside that came back running, asking for attention and time.
    Lightseeker likes this.
  12. I will win

    I will win Fapstronaut

    This is one of the most inspiring stories I have ever seen, by the way your English looks great. At the moment I am learning English. I wish i could get to your level. and in conclusion best wishes for you :)
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  13. wake_up

    wake_up Fapstronaut

    Your story is awesome !

    Could you write more details on how you did that.
    I collected some stuff here https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...them-details-during-reboot.65138/#post-556415
    But I can't really implement it and I'm struggling in the last months, because my momentum is gone after a year ...
    I see meditation & self mastery is a key element in this journey, but how did you implement it daily ?
    And which techniques do you use ?
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2017
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  14. Commited2Health

    Commited2Health Fapstronaut

    Awesome! Thanks for sharing. Continued Happiness to you!
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  15. jacob overcoming

    jacob overcoming Fapstronaut

  16. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

  17. Nopornwarrior

    Nopornwarrior Fapstronaut

    Very Inspiring story for many of us struggling with this addiction. Wish you more success !
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  18. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

    Thanks everybody for your encouraging and ever-supporting messages! :)

    Sure! Meditation as I practiced it since I discovered "real methods" back in 2014 when a friend of mine introduced me to it, has always been based on his version of mindfulness, the connection to yourself right here right now, and being a pebble in the river of my thoughts going around me without interfering with my present moment. Or somehting like that. It's a bit of a shallow shortcut but I hope you'll get my meaning.

    To help implement it on a daily basis I first used a tracker app on my phone with reminders that went off until I'd say if I actually had meditated or if i'd skip (and then break my streak). This way I had direct control (and consequences) over my own decision to meditate or skip. Right here. And the truth is this system is a bit biaised towards meditation, because as you'll see later it actually encouraged me to make a self-check to see if I was going to meditate... but the self-check is also something that I do before starting my meditation. So I was tricking myself without knowing it (I realized this way after).

    It was good at first when you really need to build a habit and self-discipline isn't a strong suit. I used that until I reached my first 90 days until I moved to a system where I must take care of myself without the reminder from some external source, and that's when I started associating meditation to various parts of my day : getting up? 5 minutes mindfulness before anything else ; back from a run/gym? 5 minutes mindfulness ; going to bed? 5 minutes mindfulness. Etc. I rarely had multiple sessions per day, moslty on the very hard days where urges were scrapping the back of my head with a blunt axe... I created the habit by making it something small (5 minutes a day that I can choose to do anytime) that I decided I wanted to do. I decided it wouldn't hurt. And that at least during these 5 minutes I wouldn't be enthralled by the idea of resisting an urge etc.

    Anyway the meditation techinques I use are based on focused breathing, concentrating on the immediate sensations everywhere in your body, releasing all the tension in your muscles, and while maintaining this mindful state, doing "body scans" (trying to feel in turn each area of you body : your hair, then forehead then face then neck then shoulders then upper arms etc etc.) to keep your mind busy doing something. Once you're getting in these states easier, you can try and consider compassion towards others, or gratitude, etc. but that's a bit mode advanced since you need to be accustomed with the process.
    During these first exercises you must not try to fight or call or control your thoughts , they must flow in front of you freely - they WILL come and try and bother you, and that's fine, they need to exist so that you exist, but you should train to be the pebble in the stream, unmoved by the flow. Thoughts will come, you can acknowledge them, realize what they mean to you but immediately let them go with confidence and peace. Don't dwell in them, at this point they're not important, they're an endless flow (of often vicious and negative things) and you're seeing them come and go peacefully. All of this can take a bit of time to get accustommed to, especially since the first few times we inevitably FAIL to not dwell in our toughts. It's ok, because we've got further in our training and next time it'll be better. I can guarantee it!

    This can take a few weeks to get into because you can't really feel any difference after you've done it the first few times, unlike gym where you're wrecked or a good restaurant where you're full, and that's exactly what our addict brains are used to : INSTANT GRATIFICATION. Meditation is anything but instant gratification. At least at first. By adding minutes after minutes of meditation, you're training yourself to get the right posture, the right timing, the right control, the right breathing, etc. When the training gets efficient, you can meditate anywhere at anytime, no need for silence or your favorite cushion or anything special. Just you, and the air you'll breathe, and the few minutes that you'll dedicate to being here, being alive in this very moment, not the moment past nor the one to come, you're here, and now.

    For example nowadays what happens is that when I start my focused breathing and muscle relaxing, some part of me goes straight away in "pebble mode" and I can focus on my meditation and on this very moment while ackownledging certain noises of feelings or thoughts but they won't disturb me, the induced meditative state is strong.

    The best part is : I now use this everywhere, as soon as I'm bored or uneasy or stressed out, and even when someone talks to me, a couple of focused breaths bring back a lot of calm and mindfulness and a sensation to be here and now, without them even noticing. Which is kindda nice especially when they're boring me to death with what they're saying. ^^'

    Benefits of this technique are :
    - A better connection to oneself. Emotionally, physically, mentally.
    - An amazing self-control tool even for severe stress or bad days.
    - Outstanding urge/negative thought prevention tool.
    - A stronger mind, able to resist the constant passive lobbying from our hijacked addict brains

    Does that anwser your question?
    Stupid Monkey and wake_up like this.
  19. MindfulAchilles

    MindfulAchilles Fapstronaut

    Dude. This is one of the best posts I've come across. Very encouraging, especially for those who are at the beginning of the road. I've been on this for the past 9 months, and using many of the methods you've mentioned but I feel extremely happy to have read of your journey. I feel like this is precisely where I will be in a short while.

    And, must say that the thoughts of changing my major at my college and pursuing becoming a CSAT are starting to come. I feel like there's so much I'm learning and have learned that I could use to help others in their path.

    Thanks for bringing this in such detail!
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  20. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

    That's good news ! Although I suppose we must be careful in taking such decisions, especially since changes brought by our efforts end up... changing us, and rebalancing us in ways we probably don't fully understand yet. In my case, I frankly don't know if the next 5 years are going to confirm what i feel now about this new career path. But I'm sure i'll discover it along the way.

    Thanks :) Yeah I've been inspired so much by those who came back with their successes and methods that I thought I'd try to explain as much as possible. The support we all get in the forum at first iis very helpful, don't get me wrong, but for me the main source of material was in this section - and now I can rightfully contribute, which is awesome! I'm glad it's useful to those who come and have the patience to read it all.

    All the best to all of you, and remember we're all the pioneers of a world that has yet to open their eyes, so don't be too hard on yourselves, but do what needs to be done.

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