DAY 126 - grieving the loss

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by LifeWorthLiving!!!, May 5, 2021.

  1. LifeWorthLiving!!!

    LifeWorthLiving!!! Fapstronaut

    522
    1,471
    123
    DAYV126

    I'm finding that as the days go on, I'm dealing with a lot more internal stuff that I could easily ignore when PMO was an option.

    Anxiety, resentment, despair, envy - have waited beneath the surface and were easy to ignore because they're hard to handle. Without PMO it gets real after 4 months.

    I also feel like I'm grieving a loss. PMO was too comfortable to turn to and now it's not an option. I'm finding new solutions but at the same time I realize that I have never really let my connection to PMO truly die as an option for my life. I'm letting this happen now.
     
  2. matt2k12

    matt2k12 Fapstronaut

    its scary bust we must go through. i can kinda relate rn, as im going through heavy temptations. it would be so nice to press that happiness button again and to forget about the world and all the problems for some minutes. but no, we have to go through my friend.
     
  3. Mkwarrior214

    Mkwarrior214 Fapstronaut

    129
    178
    43
    I find exactly the same to be true my friend!! Anxiety, depression and mood swings kicking in harder than ever! Maybe
    our brains still hasn't got the message 100% that PMO is not an option and it gives us these intense emotions!! Plus all these emotion where numbed with porn for many many years. In my case that was almost 20 years and now
    I'm at 182 days! I don't expect fast solutions. Just hope that with time things will improve.
     
  4. Redemptionisrequired

    Redemptionisrequired Fapstronaut

    599
    4,358
    123
    Definitely, when the mask of PMO is removed we have to actually face what we ran from it in the past and learn to contend with it. Also, withdrawing from addiction of itself is like placing a steroid into your emotions, especially stress.

    Keep up the great work man!
     
  5. LifeWorthLiving!!!

    LifeWorthLiving!!! Fapstronaut

    522
    1,471
    123
    I like the steroid analogy. Everything feels pretty raw, but I realize it's part of the process. Like clearing out a wound and letting it heal from the base.
     
  6. Different Built

    Different Built Fapstronaut

    402
    299
    63
    It takes a strong man to go through those emotions and not indulge in quick pleasures. Kudos to you you're a 1 percenter man
     
  7. AlexFightsAlex

    AlexFightsAlex Fapstronaut

    65
    87
    18
    I like your post.

    What I can see from your message and from my own experience when I had very long streaks without PMO is that basically you are removing layers, so you can really focus on your problems instead of evading them.

    Nofap is not the goal, but just the (super important) starting point in the amazing journey of knowing ourselves. It's so simple, but it takes so long to understand. In my case at least.
     
    JZ022419 and happy camper like this.
  8. LifeWorthLiving!!!

    LifeWorthLiving!!! Fapstronaut

    522
    1,471
    123
    Congrats on 182 days -the longer we go the greater the depth of healing and change.

    I've been working with a counselor, which has helped me navigate. I'm truly surprised by all of the garbage I ignore on a weekly basis. Its like static on a radio. The counseling helps to turn the dial and clarify what's behind the static.

    At the same time, I find that it would be so easy to turn around and quit the journey.

    I'm persevering.
    1. Meeting counselor weekly,

    2. meeting face to face with an accountability group weekly and

    3. checking in with someone from the group daily.

     
    JZ022419 likes this.
  9. LifeWorthLiving!!!

    LifeWorthLiving!!! Fapstronaut

    522
    1,471
    123
    Thanks for the response.

    You mentioned "the happiness button". Great way to put it. It puts PMO in perspective.

    ultimately, this is not about images of women on a screen, it's about neurochemical addiction, specifically dopamine. The images are the key to unlock the medicine cabinet in the brain and overdose on a brain drug.

    dopamine = happiness.

    High Speed Internet Pornography = "happiness button"

    We become like rats in an experiment that keep coming back to press the button for more drugs. Eventually,, they lost interest in everything but the button..
     
    matt2k12 likes this.
  10. happy camper

    happy camper Fapstronaut

    I'm in the same boat man. I feel like I got the "benefits" earlier in the year but it seems like all of these unresolved emotions have just been waiting to surface. What's different for me this time around is that I have made a commitment to deal with them in a healthier way. Journalling, exercise, meditation and reading have all been helping me. Am on my longest streak ever and have committed to one year of celibacy. I think that's how long it will take me to fully resolve many of these resurfacing issues & emotions. After all these years of trying to break free, I feel like I've finally made the leaps I always wanted to, only to realise that the road ahead is riddled with speed bumps & potholes, both are opportunities to learn. I read this Portuguese quote recently and it goes like, "Rocks in my path? I keep them all. With them I shall build a castle." Everything is just an opportunity for us to learn and grow and it's our perspective and attitude towards it that determines whether we grow or perish.

    I will say this though, it takes a sense of calm and courage to face those emotions so kudos to you for facing them head on and not running away from them. Keep it going!
     
    JZ022419 and LifeWorthLiving!!! like this.
  11. cresyhorse

    cresyhorse Fapstronaut

    304
    456
    63
    that portuguese quote is somethibg to remember.

    don't worry you gotta have problems in order to grow. it's only bad id you don't know why you're getting those problems.
     
    LifeWorthLiving!!! likes this.
  12. PeterGrip

    PeterGrip Fapstronaut

    I'm dealing with the same things, and for me it's been happening in waves since about day 40.

    If our basic goal is to feel as good about our current situation as possible, but PMO/other artificial stimulants is not an option, we're forced to face whatever problems life throws at us. I believe anxiety is an emotion caused by the subconsciousness when it observes we are in an unfortunate situation, and the purpose is to drive you to seek change. PMO can offset that drive because of the happiness you gain, so you cheat your subconscious to believe it's not all bad. The same goes for drugs. But it's only momentary - the only sustainable solution is to solve your problems. And it's not just a one time thing, it's something you have to continuously throughout your life. Problems will keep coming up. Life is hard, and you're all amazing for choosing to face it!
     
  13. LifeWorthLiving!!!

    LifeWorthLiving!!! Fapstronaut

    522
    1,471
    123
    DAY 135

    Having a challenging day. A bit more vulnerable than usual - got a lot accomplished with work and feeling entitled to pmo.

    I'm posting because I want to put this into the light. Fungus grows in darkness.
     
  14. Soule

    Soule Fapstronaut

    8
    8
    3
    Maybe in this case it could help seeing that doing NoFap helped you having a day where you accomplished a lot with work. In this way instead of feeling entitled to pmo, you'd feel grateful for keeping on this journey.
     
  15. LifeWorthLiving!!!

    LifeWorthLiving!!! Fapstronaut

    522
    1,471
    123
    Alright -

    Had a slip with PMO. I do not want to head into a binge.

    I basically woke up with a strong temptation and gave in.

    Plan
    1. Reset my counter
    2. Will check in with my Anchor in my group. I did not check in today.
    3. Will talk to my group about the slip.
    4. Will reframe it as one slip since December 29th. I don't want to lose progress. Will still go back to zero on Counter.
     
    Mkwarrior214 likes this.
  16. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Wow 182 days is a long time, well done.
     
    Mkwarrior214 likes this.
  17. BoraxKarloff

    BoraxKarloff Fapstronaut

    278
    595
    93
    I hear you. Major grief last few days. Missing my mother, who died a little over two years ago. She was my best pal, spoke to her every day. But something else, too, some unexplainable grief in me, coming out. Maybe because fapping ultimately led to nothing - zero - waste of time and waste of life. Maybe grief is part of life and it'll always be there, heavy at some times, better at others, and then finally it's your turn.
     
  18. cresyhorse

    cresyhorse Fapstronaut

    304
    456
    63
    i don't think it's healthy for you
     
  19. happy camper

    happy camper Fapstronaut

    It's okay to miss her man. I'm sure she's watching over you right now! She loves you very much and is proud of you for trying to become the best version of yourself possible. You will make her proud!

    Abstinence causes these suppressed emotions to rise to the surface. Don't deny the grief, simply acknowledge it, feel it, observe it and let it go. It has risen to the surface for a reason. It's okay to feel it, just don't dwell it in.
     

Share This Page