DAY 128! How i became an addict, how PIED afflicted me, how i'm defeating it. The entire story

When reading comments from fellow fapstronauts on this post I got to say that I'm also on a "divided" self. I was not into muscular girls but into transwomen, traps, sissy, all that sort of stuff. And reading all this I realize that my fetish is also about domination, related to my lazyness. However on the real life, although I'm lazy, get bored easily, I know that I like women.

 

Great job Federico. keep going and remember yourself that encouragement is all what you need.

 

You're right, one of the reasons are having successfull sex with my gf which I really love. P has ruined my sex life during years of it, that gave me DE, and loss of sensitivity.
Thanks for your thoughts.

 

Staying on meditation and being mindful. I realize that in addition to short circuiting relationships, this shit makes you dumb. You stop being curious about life. I actually feel brain cells being depleted when I get those urges. Working on some self hypnosis stuff right now. Thank you Santa Claus and everyone! Let's get after it.

 

have you ever had erection problems federico? and did they get better?

 

Ok. So, everyone love Xmas. Congrats on the excellent run. You are teaching us how to get clean. Much appreciated. Keep posting. This place has a lot of students. We need more teachers, like you. Keep posting. I mean it. Keep posting. Every day you stay clean is an example.

Much love.

Will I am.

 

I totally agree. Nothing good comes easy. I'll tell you what though, I crave a wet dream just to release the pressure in my body right now however that's the only way it's going to happen because I am not touching it and I'm not going to help things along unnaturally. It's wet dreams or nothing and if I have to weather the storms until then so be it. I have found out so much about myself in just 12 days that I can't wait to see what kind of man I am going to be at 120 days and beyond. NoFap works.

 

Yes! I came here for a reason. I was done in. Finished. I had hit rock bottom and it was over. I realised that even the best orgasm in the world wasn't enough justification for the darkness, the hollowed out shame-filled feelings to follow when I would have to crawl into my bed and lay there completely spent - exhausted mentally, physically and spiritually from the hours spent edging to climax. I'm glad I reached that point because I know that relapse is NOT an option. Sure, I will get a momentary high but then I will sink back to where I was before and that was a Hellish existence. My body will release what it needs to in the weeks and months ahead and it will repair and I simply have to relax and trust in the process, the journey into healing and recovery.

Thank you. Every time a giant urge passes (I don't fight it, I simply observe it and let it pass) I know that when the next one comes along that although it may look like a giant mountain in my way that it's not insurmountable. That a path across it will open up and all I have to do is ensure I continue with the journey into self-discipline. Each time a mountain presents itself after a while I know they will appear smaller and smaller and easier to traverse and even should another large one appear, I will have the tools I need to make the climb and then out the other side.

 

It's been tough for me this time because I know it's the last time. I want to PMO and I won't lie about it but the cost to my health and my personal life has been staggering. I had become a dead man walking. That last time I had an amazing climax followed by the worst comedown ever. No high however good is worth those frightening dead feeling lows. Nothing is worth that. I never want to feel that way again. I know that I cannot PMO in moderation. I either edge for hours (10+ hours) or I binge. I cannot (and I won't) live that life anymore.

On another level though, the knowledge that I cannot do it again has been a blessing because it takes things out of my hands (literally!) and that has been my salvation. What would I be going back to? A life spent in dark rooms with the curtains drawn frightened every time I hear a creak because I'm worried that someone might walk through the door and find me playing with myself. A life spent watching other people living their lives while I waste yet another day/month/year in hiding masturbating over people I will never meet, never know, never have sex with. That's not living, it's a grim existence.

In the 12 days since I joined this site (and there are no words adequate to describe how much I value these forums) I have gone out, become sociable by meeting people. I am getting physically fitter every day. I have found myself eating better, exercising more. Reading books, listening to music. Playing my guitar. Fapping should really be called NotLiving. Recovery is all there is and all I actually need. It doesn't matter if I only chat for a few seconds with a neighbour or someone I see while out walking, it is a million times better than releasing to a stranger on a computer screen because it is a real worthwhile encounter with actual people in the real world. There's nothing better than that.

 

I read your entire story and it's a good read. Like yourself, I'm into fit girls considering that I go to the gym and I just see all kinds of beautiful women getting it in on the weights but because of my addiction, I don't get turned on at all which is unfortunate but I'm working on myself. Hopefully I get to your level without relapsing. These success stories help by reading them everyday. Respect.

 

Great story! I read it entirely and feel very inspired by it!

 

TLDR? lol