Day 2 - Big changes and comfort zone

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Space-Cadet, Feb 17, 2019.

  1. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    I never thought that I would be back to day 2 however it has happened.

    After talking to my SO today I’ve realised that it wasn’t exactly what I was doing (even though it did hurt badly) but it was the lies. And to be fair I’m such a hypocrite when it comes to lying, I hate it when done to myself yet I have done it time and time again to the one I love.

    Now for the time being, I’m trying to absorb all the information I can get, help, tips, tricks, what others do, what helps them, can it help me and so on. Now some of the posts I have read have been great, they open my eyes to a different angle and they seem to have a lot more experience, so I’m taking notes on what they’re doing. Trying to get the best information from everyone. I know it’s all down to attitude, giving someone the tools doesn’t mean anything, it’s attitude that the results.

    I think what helps me best is a routine, when I’m not doing something, that’s when any urges start. However if I have a to-do list for that day, that’s what helps a whole lot for me. I know that’s avoiding and not facing but I’m dealing with that as well. The SA meetings are on a night when I am not working so I’m getting out of my comfort zone and battling this head on. I have every intention on going and hopefully it helps.

    My 30 day challenge has now 29 days left, go me!
     
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  2. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Another day down and feeling good.

    Today I kept myself busy before work, always help when I’m doing something and not sitting bored and sad. After work of course, until I visit my SO I kept myself busy again. Now today I was thinking about triggers and what sets me off, I done this in the company of my SO and came to the conclusion it’s when I’m sitting alone and not feeling too good. This is something I’m working on. We also have more of a connection now and it feel great. I also signed up to go to an SA meeting and I am a little worried however looking forward to it a little. Just trundling along at the moment and keeping that counter going.

    Let’s bump they numbers up. Day 2 done!
     
  3. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    So day 3.

    I’m finding the days easier everyday. I know I have a long way to go and I’m not taking away how difficult the hard days will be, however I’m feeling confident. Things are a little confusing at the moment with the relationship, however I think we will get through it. Today I stuck to what I know works and have been doing great!

    I’m going to start implementing the tips and tricks in the next few days and see if I can beat this once and for all.

    Another day done, feeling confident, and another day on the counter!
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  4. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Another day, another successful day.

    After work finished, I have been trying to keep myself from being lonely and bored, that’s the trigger, so I have bonded with the family more and it’s been absolutely brilliant. Tomorrow will be the real test when I have my day off, however I have loads of things planned and I am actually ready to smash it and prove that I can be normal. Tomorrow’s post will be a good, happy one, I promise.

    Hope everyone is going well and is making the progress they deserve.
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  5. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Today has been an interesting one.

    I went to my first SA meeting and boy was I took back, some of the stories and situations these people have been in is overwhelming and I’m honestly in a state of shock and also a state to really really heal myself before anything gets worse, I was really worried about tonight but it was a wake up call.

    Tomorrow I’m putting into place some of the tips from people to see yet another successful day, let’s keep this streak going. The girlfriend is still as supportive as ever and she’s an amazing woman, I really hope I can change this all around and make her feeling the love she should’ve had from the start.

    Another day, another number on the counter.
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  6. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    So today I applied somethings that I had learned from the meeting last night and I can honestly say that today has been a great day and a successful one at that too.

    I am now a few days on and it’s giving me so much momentum and I’m loving every second of it. All I can say is from now on I’ll be doing things a little differently and hopefully this is the start of a lifestyle change. Hope everyone out there is smashing it too.
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  7. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Another day down.

    Today has been a busy day for me and it was spent with my girlfriend and friends.
    Days like this are great and they keep you motivated to what you really want in life and being very outgoing is one of the advantages of stopping this whole bad habit.

    Honestly can’t thank the girlfriend enough for sticking by me. I really feel like shes connecting with me know and it’s amazing.

    Let’s get another one in the bag.
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  8. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Another day down.

    Well today has been an absolute roller coaster. Emotions all over the place and arguements that broke the relationship up for brief moments. I honestly don’t know now if anything is going to become of this. We’re on the very edge and I don’t know if the relationship will last till the end of the month, never mind year. I am keeping up the streak, and still no PMO and I feel like I am going strong. Today somehow I felt so so amazing in work, so happy and a little confident. However there’s always a reminder of how unwell the relationship is going.

    Another day down, another number added to the tally.
     
  9. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Another day down..again!

    Today I really felt normal, I really felt as if this is totally behind me.
    I had a bit of a lazy day, and I enjoyed it. There were no urges or anything and I soared through the day. I have really learned to be grateful for the day and how lucky I am in life, I look to the motivators and I believe in myself to keep going, this in turn means I am happy as can be with my day and it’s another day free from the curse. I wake up, keep myself motivated and start on my todo list, from there the energy continues throughout the day. THIS is the best action/tool I have used and it means another day on the counter.
     
  10. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Post number 10.

    This is itself is an achievement I sure. Today has been a good day and I feel like they are just being added to a big pile. I done what makes me happy yet again, attended the gym before doing my daily routine. I’m working from a list, a list I put together of think I need to do, from that day to a few month in the future, however everyday I try to pick 3 things from this list and do them before the day is over. This has been an extremely great tool for me and it’s has kept me very productive in the morning, and kept the urges away.

    Another day down, and it’s a great feeling.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  11. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    The days are fairly moving in now.

    Today was a great day, I continued to make improvements to my life. From choices to gym workouts. This week my car has been cleaned twice, I have made a new workout plan, diet plan, I have fixed lots of things, I have watched videos and educated myself more on the addiction and have actually been really productive. And that, is a great feeling. However my one regret is that I never went to bed the same time as my baby and I feel bad for that, however hopefully I can make it up tomorrow. I can’t be perfect at everything

    Add another day shall we.
     
    hope4healing and Susannah like this.
  12. There are going to be ups and downs, but the farther along you get in recovery, the more often you'll have the 'ups.' Is your relationship getting back on track?

    Keep going. You can do this.
     
  13. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Firstly, thanks for the comment hope4healing. That is very true, the more I keep going the more ups and the happier I am becoming. Also the relationship is doing better than ever, thank you.

    Today is my ‘challenge’ day, it’s my day off and I am usually myself for most of the day since everyone else is working, however I always keep myself occupied. Today I went to the gym, fixed my car, and worked through a lot of other things, I was very productive, one of the best feeling you can have. I feel like I’m hitting my stride and I am really doing well. Let’s add another day to the counter.
     
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  14. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Today was a good day.

    I done my usual, set tasks for the day and don’t stop till they’re done.
    Had no urges or anything, since I kept myself busy. They days are getting easier for sure, and it’s filling me with confidence. Let’s see what next week has in store for me.

    Let’s keep this going, another day down.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  15. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday was a terrible day. We broke up, screaming match, bags packed and some nasty comments before being kicked out of the house. I went home, furious, and to be honest P wasn’t even on my mind, I have been doing so well.

    Fast forward a few hours and no communication, relationship totally over, now it’s sinking in. I felt that I had done everything I could have in the past two weeks and somehow it wasn’t enough. I felt totally rejected and that was a trigger, however not initially. However I did have that, well if were over, I can do what I want, attitude and I went onto P and M’d. However after a short period of time, realisation kicked in and I was throwing away 2 weeks worth for someone who doesn’t even want me, isn’t in my life and I’m ruining mine because of it. I stopped. I didn’t have the same effect and I felt as if I had changed, but I don’t know how, or why.

    A few hours more and we start talking again, we wanted to spent the night together, however I was up in just a handful of hours for a long shift. The night was getting very late and in the early hours of the morning, we meet up and stay together again. After everything we can’t let each other go.

    We talk a bit and fall asleep soon after. The following morning we confess everything to one another and we feel closer than ever, making each other feel safe. A few hours later when the realisation kicked in I was confused and didn’t know what to do, I was upset for relapsing, we both were, however it wasn’t held against me considering the circumstances.

    Fast forward a few hours and we meet up after work. Things are going a whole lot better and I have mixed emotions slightly. I’m angry with myself that I relapsed, however confident that I can do it again. I found the last time easier than the past and I had really gave it up for good and didn’t care about it. I realised after relapsing that it doesn’t have the same effect and I think it was more of a “I could” rather than “I want to”.

    Anyway, counter starts again. My determination is unmatched.
    Sorry for letting everyone following this post down, however watch this space.
     
  16. First of all, I'm sorry that you're going through a rough time.There are bound to be difficult moments along the way, but you have to learn from them what you can and move on. Now you know where there's a weakness so you can be better prepared next time.

    I know it's frustrating when you've been trying so hard and doing so well, but you feel like all your hard work is unrecognized. However, speaking as the wife of a PA, it's likely that she notices your efforts. In fact, we're usually watching everything you do very closely, looking for and hoping to see all the signs that show you're committed to recovery, but also keeping an eye out for anything indicative of a return to addictive behavior. And, even if everything we see points to recovery efforts, it's still really hard to let go of that fear that, at any moment, past behaviors might be repeated (especially since it's only been a couple weeks.)

    Then, something happens, like an argument begins between the two of you, and in your mind, you're thinking, "Geez, I've been doing so well! Why can't you cut me some slack"? So, you start getting defensive. That defensiveness then triggers her to think, "Oh, great! Here comes the defensiveness which probably means he's back to his addictive ways." Now, you're both upset...you think she refuses to see how hard you're trying, and she thinks you're back to the addiction because she's seeing old behaviors. And, you're both incorrect.
    (I'm just using this as an example of how things can spin out of control so quickly.)

    This whole thing will take a lot of patience from both sides. No one said this would be easy, and it certainly won't be. But, if you can stay strong, it will be worth it.
     
  17. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for the reply hope4healing.

    Again as always you’ve hit the nail on the head, this is how many of our arguments tend to spiral out of control. We’re both correct however we only see our own point of view and not the other, this mixed with our stubbornness is just a recipe for disaster. So far I have been doing well, and I truly feel I can beat my last milestone.

    I actually feel like I am totally walking away from it and it’s not hanging over my shoulder. It’s a great feeling and I cannot wait till I leave this addiction far behind. Things are going well in terms of the relationship, however I will keep on working hard.

    Another day down and the counter goes up.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  18. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Today has been a long day with mixed emotions.

    My day started great and had a few little arguments with my SO. These are becoming a lot more frequent now and I don’t know what to take from it.
    Today I knew she wanted to get something off her chest and when she poured out her feelings, I listened. I’m almost at a week now again and it’s great.

    Another day added to the counter.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  19. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the time you’ve taken to respond and for the advice ghostwriter, do thank you for that.

    Today has been the best day in our relationship for a while. We woke up and had fun right away, and this time it was how it was supposed to be without any problems. We spent the whole today together joking, laughing about things and mostly chilling, we took a night trip into town and stuffed our faces, like a little date night. I must say, I think that’s exactly what we needed. Tonight, we got in late and are about to go to sleep but both of us are very, very happy and we really have turned a corner. I can only see this getting better, and I am very excited for the future.

    1 week down!! Let’s make it two.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  20. Space-Cadet

    Space-Cadet Fapstronaut

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    Nearly into double digits!!!

    Today has been a good day, this week will be challenging I admit it. However I am already a day down, just 4 left. Today we had a good talk and we’re starting to feel closer each day. I know it’s extremely hard for her and I can’t wait to prove to her that she is all I want and this is all behind me. I feel confident about this week and I feel like if I can do a day, I can do a week. If I can do a week then I can do a month. I just want to be better.

    Here’s to another day. Double digits!!
     
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