Day 26, Relapsed. What I have achieved so far!

My initial goal was to reach 35 days without orgasm, however I have only made 26 and I have relapsed, however I have not been this proud of myself in a long time!

I've been addicted to the thought of women since I was 11, watched porn nearly everyday and masturbated more than there has been days. I'm 20 now so you get the picture. I decided to make a change nearly a month ago, the past few years of my life have been like a roller coaster straight through hell and back. Let's just say I've been through a lot of changes and hardships. Since I decided to make a change things have been getting better and better. My whole perspective on life has changed, I hated myself for the past few years and have been full of regret and despair, over time I have learnt to accept who I am and transcend worry and regret. So far NoFap has helped this tremendously. This is the longest I have gone without masturbating since I first started and this is what I have personally observed in changes so far in the past few weeks.
(sorry if I go on a bit but these things are true and I personally can't even believe half of it, also not all of this is a result from just NoFap, but also mental discipline and exercise over time has helped a lot too)

- So much more energy it's unbelievable! I can do a full 8 hour day of work, then go to the gym and then still be wide awake and ready to do it all over again. The energy is difficult to control sometimes, I find it more difficult to meditate for example and just want to burst out running around and do cartwheels. I went to a music festival the other weekend, it lasted three days. Managed to have about 10 hours sleep Friday through till Monday night. I was literally dancing for 13 hours straight on the first two days in a row, a lot of people kept asking me if I had any pills because I looked like I was on ecstasy/crack! Hilarious! Then when it all finished in the early hours of Monday morning, (4.30am) drove home which took literally 3 and a half hours and went straight to work at 9am and worked until 4pm on the very same day! Most people would of collapsed but I managed to power through until I got home. That's what you call a good weekend!

- Going to the gym is a lot more easier. I do not get as tired as quick as before, I have noticed that instead of my whole body getting exhausted, the specific areas of my body that I'm working become tired over time, but I still have enough energy to get through the rest of the day.

- I can eat and sleep less and still feel alive and ready. When I didn't get enough sleep I used to be like a zombie, now I can easily deal with it and continue through the day as required. I sleep a lot better too, dreams are more vivid and I can remember them well.

- More emotionally stable, however I tend to get more angry more than anything else when something bad happens, it used to be sadness throughout my life but now it has been replaced with anger. I no longer put up with bull****, if someone is getting on my nerves they know it just by looking at me. Soon after they know not to continue. Supposedly I give people daggers without intentionally doing it when i'm frustrated by something, I need to keep my eye on this.

- I have more power, I don't really know how to put this. But I have a much stronger presence among other people. I feel like a gladiator ready for battle when I'm walking down the street, I don't put on a weird posture or put a pretend strong look on my face, you just feel strong naturally and it all comes together. People look at me more and move out of the way instead of expecting you to move. When talking to men especially older men they show respect, look you in the eyes and seem interested in conversation, instead of not acknowledging you properly for been younger. I have noticed that women (not all obviously) make a lot more eye contact when walking by for example particularly the older women who are in their 30's on-wards. Some even smile! I'm just like, did that just happen Haha!

- When in conversation my posture is attentive, eyes make contact and I tend to be more interested. I used to be prejudice about most people, my views have changed. I was at a presentation today, there was me and twenty others watching and the demonstrator might as well have just had a one to one with me, their eyes were 80% of the time fixated on me ignoring everyone else. Showing that you are interested really does have an affect.

-I get along with people better, I think I have talked to more strangers these past few weeks than I have in years. I don't feel awkward or get social anxiety nearly at all, I don't worry about and think "but what if they don't listen to me or ignore me etc etc" I just get on with it. I don't care what people especially strangers think of me, it is very liberating.

- I'm starting to look at women as equals instead of seeing them as goddesses, I know it's usually the other way round with porn addiction but I was obsessed with them, I would of done anything for a good woman in the past but now I'm actually truly happy been single, for the first time in forever. I'm starting to treat them as equals now and focus on my self a lot more. I also enjoy been alone during the day and when out, I don't need to be with a group of people of friends to feel comfortable.

- I can actually see how messed up I am/was and what porn does to you, it's not good. Once you realise this you slowly start to deter to give in to urges. Urges are very real and I under estimated there power. It's been difficult so far.

More has happened but I could write for hours!

I'm starting to enjoy my life now, I want to get up and do things instead of just laying in bed all day, my priorities are straight. I've also left the worst job in the world recently which I have worked in for the past two years. I found it mentally challenging to leave, in others words I was stuck in a rut, glad i'm out of there now. One of the reasons I hated myself was because of my porn addiction, it's unhealthy and energy draining. I'm still addicted to porn and the thought of good looking women still crosses my mind most of the day. The best way to deal with this I believe is to accept and move on. I need to try and take my focus towards new goals and to my hobbies. The reason I relapsed is because I was bored and the porn blocker I have is not the best. I shall try my best to amend this and start a new counter aiming for at least 20 days, I don't want it to make it too daunting at first, I think this is why I also relapsed, you need to take it in stages.

Thank you for reading!

 

Hello and thank you very much nomo! My goal was 35 days but I only made it to day 26. Yes new habits do form after been repetitive and acting in new ways, once you realise what too much masturbation does to you, you have more willpower to get through with this. I was surprised on how quickly some benefits came, it usually takes longer until you see any results. I wish you luck on your path!

 

Thank you! And thanks for reading, I've never heard of personal magnetism before, I've just looked it up and I think you've got it right! I'll research this now and post anything more I learn and experience. There's so much more to life than we currently know, it's amazing been able to learn more and improve. Looking back to ancient times makes me think humans have it all backwards these days, such a shame since society could be so much better than its current mess.