Day 29 What I've learned so far. READ

Tomorrow will be my 30th day without porn or orgasm. I am on my way to a success story. I will describe myself before the reboot, now, and what happened during.

BEFORE:
*Watched intense porn (of all kinds) twice a day on average
*Had zero confidence
*Had recently quit drinking alcohol (it's been two months sober from alcohol now)
*Was petrified of women and talking to them was super awkward and "forced"
*I struggled to make eye contact (with anyone) without feeling awkward. (Do not underestimate this point, I will come back to it)
*Believed that sex and relationships were impossible
*Doubted my every move, both at work and at home
*Was severely paranoid about mortality
*Felt like a loser, and like I was always interrupting when others were talking
*Maintained the keto diet with moderate success, as I have for years
*Was always fixating on one woman at a time, getting myself psyched out

DURING:

DAYS 1-7:
*Did fine the first two days but started getting powerful urges on the third and fourth
*Narrowly avoided total relapse on the sixth day, took time to literally scream and pace around my house before leaving to do errands, the urge passed.
*Had more energy in general and severe urges lessened toward the end of the first week
*Rearranged my entire house, got a new couch, changed my "porn space" into a little place for old video games/CRT television
*Spent an unusual amount of money on music equipment and video games, way too much.
*At this point I still planned on returning to "softcore" and "still image" porn after the reboot, I was counting the days


DAY 8-14:
*Did fine at first but then flatlined somewhere in there
*Noticed mundane activities started becoming fun again
*Started enjoying old hobbies and activities, being more productive with my art
*Continued to overspend on ebay and in general
*Did incredible with the diet, lost a few more pounds.
*Went to the gym and had more determination/confidence than usual
*Started to doubt my worth less frequently
*Spent four hours with a woman I met a while back. We talked for four hours and I didn't get flustered at all. She seemed to have a nice time talking to me. I had more confidence than I've ever had talking to a crush.


DAY 15-24
*Deep flatline happened off and on. One or two days were really "grey" but I also kind of enjoyed it. I started becoming very empowered.
*Continued to overspend and was looking at ebay every night (seems like it replaced porn for that multi-tab fix)
*Started trying to find dates on Tinder and other social media (I think Tinder is bad)
*Started texting real women more frequently
*A friendly regular customer at work told me "Boy were you dragging before but you're not dragging today"
*Started "hearing music" in my head around bedtime. This was strange and unexpected.
*Stopped being productive around the house, just went to work and played games
*Encountered an ad on youtube that encouraged me to "touch myself" which was horrific and way too personal and made me super paranoid. I am still unsure what to do about it. I will perhaps leave social media as I've been tempted to anyway.

DAY 25
*Got a strike of euphoric confidence. My social skills skyrocketed while I was at work. I had a ton of energy and acted effectively on impulse. I caught a glimpse of the man I want to be. I stopped fearing rejection and stopped feeling "in the way". I had difficult conversations about management with my boss and didn't feel awkward. I felt respected, interesting and worthwhile. I talked to several women and made eye contact with no hesitation for long durations. So far day 25 has been the best day.


DAY 26-28
*Began to consider giving up porn for good
*Have been mostly good, not flatline.
*Had moments of doubt and fear which passed
*Had the urge to put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to learn
*Had the urge to sharpen my social skills more and more
*Images and triggers became more tolerable with noticeably less desire to relapse
*Realized the severity of my spending habit
*Old hobbies are fun again, for the first time in years enjoying gaming sober.
*I'm getting better at controlling my emotions
*I can make eye contact with anyone for any amount of time. It never feels weird.

TODAY
*Spent all day outside the house, talking to strangers and friends, running errands, trying new colognes, walking my dog, texting friends and loved ones, playing video games, and building the person I want to become. I currently have no plans to return to porn, which seems scary and somehow "sad" for me to say. I'm going to take it one day at a time. I am a better man for trying and there isn't a soul who could convince me otherwise. I believe in this movement with my whole heart. I believe we can all improve ourselves and be worth more to society and our prospective partners. Today I am a catch and I feel valuable. I believe in you guys and any insight would be appreciated.

Porn is a sad waste/illusion/hologram