day 3. a meditative experience

The first day was hard.. The second I actually looked at porn but even 24 hours had an effect. I liked what I saw but my mind and my dick were like "ugh.. Leave it alone" so I easily shut it down. As long as I'm struggling I'm going to keep posting my progress. I've gone about 2 weeks before but then I got cocky and stopped mentally restricting myself. I consistently faped daily sometimes more than once.

I need more meditation.. The other night while I was fighting off an urge I noticed a tension in my abdomen, I was in a somewhat meditative state. Somehow I knew that this burning tension was directly related to the mental battle I was having so I shifted my focus to the tension. I was telling the energy to relax that it was okay and it did calm down and eventually I felt it turning and spinning around. Kind of the feeling you get when you cuddle someone.. Similar to butterflies. In an instant it fired up again when my mind went to sex but I again shifted focus. I mentally spoke to this ball of life force. That's the only way I can discribe it. What the monks call chi. I know my sexual organs must have been exhausted and strung out and now that I was paying attention the area felt sick. Like you feel when you stay up all night and work a double shift on no sleep. Since this ball of energy felt good I asked it to move to that area and sooth the tension. I let my poor vessel relax and that spinning ball of love and happiness played throughout my body and coaxed me to sleep.

I have been casually meditating for years and the more I do the more i see the power already inside of me. That energy is always there and ready to have fun. Maybe its what people mean by inner child? Idk but if anyone else has noticed their chi please share!