Day 30 on HardMode

Hey guys, hope y'all are good.

So here I am for the first time in a long time after my last relapse while on the nofap web.

Before I begin, I would like to say, this isn't my longest streak as of yet. The longest I've went was 67 days. Relapsed cause I thought I could watch porn while on nofap, few days later I caved in. At the time, It was the best fap I've had in a long time, I even orgasmed. This was around 2018. Couldn't break that streak since than.

I have been on and off since, tried but couldn't last a week. Until a couple of weeks ago when it dawned on me. Porn is the reason I haven't been able to achieve everything been working towards. Haven't had motivation in a long time and my social anxiety had sky rocketed out the roof. Especially after losing my job in 2019.

This wasn't me, I have always been outgoing and cheerful. But all of a sudden I am angry, angry at my parents, angry about how my life turned out. Until I went through the internet and ran into a nofap article. Everything that was on there described my whole life. I than sat and thought to myself, "could this be" this whole article is describing my life.

Could I have lost my job because of my lack of motivation from fappin? Could I all of a sudden be this angry when I have always been a joyful and accepting person? Could porn have done all this?

After realising all of this I did my research and realised I have been destroying my life through porn. I was not even as good with women as I used to be. I couldnt close, and whenever I had to go on dates I cancelled. I had grown insecure and shy.

You see. A whole outgoing, loud and people's person turning into a rabbit in a corner. This freaked me out upon realisation. I HAD TO QUIT!!! ASAP!!

And so my journey began once again around 3 weeks ago. My signature is on 30 but I'm actually on 31 days due to updating my Info only a day later.

I don't sleep as much anymore. I wake up, clean and get to my hustle. It's hard to ignore the days but it's even harder due to the temptations, mostly in movies and social media. I try to keep myself from any content that has any intimacy.

I can feel my testosterone levels go. I'm always horny and I can't stop thinking of sex, real sex. I try to keep myself occupied and now more than ever, I FEAR RELAPSING. I FEAR being weak and more than anything I can't wait to have the old me back.

Everytime I think of porn, I try to remind myself how i would feel once I relapsed. The regret, the looking and feeling worthless. It freaks me out I won't lie. And that is the reason why I keep going. I'm more motivated than I've ever been to never go back to porn and fapping ever again.

I've recently met a very nice girl tho. I have been purposely delaying our meets cause I don't want to have sex as of yet. At least until day 90. So, so far so good.

As far as how I feel mentally and the benefits. I already mentioned the energy. My concentration levels are growing and I am less moody. I'm always looking forward to the next day and I do not look forward to sleeping. Haha. I'm also gaining back some strength as I should. Or maybe it's the energy levels.

Anyway, hope this helps. See you on day 60

 

Thank you.

 

You just gotta want it bad enough, and always remember that porn is the enemy. Stay strong.

 

Now that yo have noticed the negativity porn has brought into your life. I hope that remains your motivation to break the addiction. Stay strong.

 

30 days was enough. We meeting up later today. Great advice by the way.