Day 31 for me: reflection on my current journey

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Travelfreeofmind, Nov 22, 2017.

  1. Travelfreeofmind

    Travelfreeofmind Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone, this is my official Day 30 log. I’ve never made it this far to post here before, but this is it. The following is my compiled observations and deductions from my experiences. Here I will share my experience, my insights and I hope it can help you. I have tried to ordered them in the proper section, but points may overlap or be in the wrong place. Nevertheless, please read to the end, and please provide my with your insights from reading this post so that we can all learn.

    Benefits experienced
    • Clearing of brain fog(aided by meditation)
    • Feel cleaner inside(aided by meditation and working out)
    • Feel more energetic(aided by working out)
    • More focused(aided by meditation)
    • Increased ability to express myself(I kept to myself before nofap)
    My experience for the past few days
    Day 1: Lack of energy, desire to quit pmo
    Day 3: erection was as hard as day 7 without positive thinking(will explain later)
    Day 7: mentally anxious
    Day 15: mentally calm
    Day 20: slight urges to pmo

    My method
    Physical: kept my phone in my bag while I do my chores at home, abstained from touching myself down there unless it’s cleaning time or nature’s call. Started to work out, noted what I ate.
    Mental: used meditation to be clearer of my state of mind, used positive thinking like “my body’s healing rapidly”, emphasised on day one to myself “No more pmo. No means no!”. I used my clarity to observe my thoughts, emotions, experiences and drew conclusions from them.

    -mindfulness meditation: focus on hearing your surroundings. You may also choose to be aware of your body(breath, heartbeat, aches). You can do this anywhere, anytime
    -concentration meditation: focus on your breath, do this when you wake up, for 5-20 minutes to be focused and clear for the day.

    Analysis of pmo, consequences and my method

    Causes of pmo
    - initial interest due to novelty of p and m(introduced to it by peers, oversexualised advertisements or saw it on the internet accidentally)
    - initial p and m gave pleasure, limbic brain sees this as enjoyable and “beneficial to survival”
    - future stressful events or boredom leads to continued use of p and m

    Consequences
    -
    repeated use of p and m leads to habit forming
    - p and m becomes go to habit when stress appears in life
    - willpower decreases as mind is used to pleasure than hardship, will tend to procrastinate than get work done
    - increase in emotion driven thinking, also emotions are less stable, such that even emotion driven thought is not always beneficial for you

    Consequences not due to pmo directly:
    - body becomes unfit as there may be lack of working out, eating unhealthy food as there is easy access to it
    - lack of desire to socialise/fear of socialising due to shame from engaging in pmo or lack of social energy to leave the house

    Solution
    • Physically one should abstain from pmo for the body’s sexual system to recover from overmasturbation and for one to have time to restore the body. This can be aided by putting your usual go-to materials for pmo in frequented places at home, in less accessible places and for materials that is unessential (other materials than your phone, laptop) dispose of them as you’re going to a new life. You don’t need them.
    • It takes 7 days(commonly said)/3 days(for testicles to fully recharge) to return to normal level of testosterone.
    • An unfit body is not due to fapping. It’s due to you neglecting to take care of your body when you were heavily entrenched in pmo. To restore your body, note what needs to be improved(strength, health, skills) and do the activities that will bring you closer to your goals
    • Mentally, you need to tackle the root of the issue. If you were curious before and made pmo a habit, you’ve had your fill. Time to stop. If your continued use is for escaping from reality, stress, you need to sit down, think about what stressful event caused you to use pmo subsequently to feel good. Talk to yourself and come to terms with your past hardships. They were tough but you were tougher, thus you made it out alive. Once you have come to terms with your past stressful event, you will now stop the source of present day use of pmo. This is done by realising that it stems from your limbic brain. It is responsible for your emotions and auto moves to keep you alive. But man is capable of his actions by using the executive control functions of the brain, which is used to solve novel situations. You can research on this to know how it works, but basically you can use this function to do mind over matter, one example being overriding your usual desires to pmo by shifting your focus from pmo to other things.
    • Meditation is used to cultivate awareness and concentration. Mindfulness meditation cultivated awareness, allowing you to know when your urge to use pmo arises for you to shift your focus from your desire to the work at hand, as well as to know what are your thought patterns, emotions that lead to pmo. Meditation focused on breathing improves concentration, allowing you to be focused on your tasks.
    • By being aware of the addiction you can change the habit to a better one namely not using pmo. Research has shown forming a habit takes 22 days on average yet for each person the duration differs. So, theoretically, you can recover and break the pmo habit cycle almost instantly, just not everyone can do it
    • Positive affirmations help in emotionally boosting your actions, and I used it to believe I was recovering fast. This aided my healing to a certain extent(day 3 erection with belief=day 7 erection without it), however it should be noted that you need to do it consciously as effects manifest as long as you believe in them, they do not accumulate over time.
    (Credits to @LifeWorthLiving!!! for the post on how the mind works)



    What happens if you relapse?
    Take a breath and calm yourself down. You have not lost your abilities from before, not unless you stop practising and training.

    Note what you did that caused your fall. Remember not to do it again.

    Insights from pmo
    From my failures and successes, I feel that a life with pmo can be lived, but it is like never living to 100%. It is true that once you see pmo you can’t forget about it since you can’t delete your memory on pmo. However, I would like to refute the quote “once an addict, always an addict” and say that it is possible to be cured. My definition of “cured” is when I do not use pmo in my life, I am stronger physically, psychologically, have good habits in place of pmo and have good friends. This is done by severing the mental connections of using pmo, facing life’s challenges and treating my body well. An addiction is an unhealthy habit that we have, so we need to cut that habit. The mindset of being unable to recover from addiction is not only unhealthy, but it may also be the factor that holds you back. It doesn’t matter how many times you relapsed in the past. As long as you work towards recovery and make it, that’s all that matters. The human mind is capable of miracles, so make a miracle and bring yourself out of pmo.

    I would like to thank everyone who has spoken to me here in helping me achieve my 31 days and letting me learn from their opinions.

    Special mention to @RecoveringFapaholic and @Thunder Blaster for their support!
     
    SirErnest, Homo Deus, falafu and 16 others like this.
  2. bigbuford

    bigbuford Fapstronaut

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    Man..I am super encouraged by your report. Especially since I am on day 7 right now and feel so anxious.
     
  3. BlueJoe

    BlueJoe Fapstronaut

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    same
     
  4. bigbuford

    bigbuford Fapstronaut

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    For Real...one thing I am telling myself is that everything will be alright.
     
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  5. BlueJoe

    BlueJoe Fapstronaut

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    it will, im feeling benefits at the same time
     
  6. Harry Maclad

    Harry Maclad Fapstronaut

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    Wow great post! Really motivated me to the core! your words make me feel more strongly about my self! Thanks!
     
    Travelfreeofmind likes this.
  7. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    @Travelfreeofmind Great write up! I found these two parts especially relevant to many peoples struggles IMO.


    "If you were curious before and made pmo a habit, you’ve had your fill. Time to stop."


    This is a great point, porn has endless novelty but it is empty time destroying and shameful in nature. We have to find our new curiosty and novelty in life and real relationships.

    "If your continued use is for escaping from reality, stress, you need to sit down, think about what stressful event caused you to use pmo subsequently to feel good. Talk to yourself and come to terms with your past hardships."

    If it's not boredom, or novelty, it is probably a deeper issue - or just avoiding stressful things in general. We can move on though, confident in the knowledge that life without porn puts us in a better position for the good and bad experiences real life has to offer.
     
  8. Eddy space surfer

    Eddy space surfer Fapstronaut

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    You are the man my friend, I'm trying so hard to get back on that level but you show that it's within reach. I like how you have detailed writings about each period of the 31 days, I guess not many people on here are writers I know I'm not but the up and close details help to give many hope and a little bit of a forecast of what to expect since everybody is different health wise and mentally. So I say keep up the good work and try to rise above.
     
  9. theoptimist

    theoptimist Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing your experience. It is very helpful
     
    Travelfreeofmind likes this.
  10. Travelfreeofmind

    Travelfreeofmind Fapstronaut

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    @bigbuford may I know what you are anxious about? Perhaps I can allay your fears.
     
    bigbuford likes this.
  11. Travelfreeofmind

    Travelfreeofmind Fapstronaut

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    After many times of failure, I wanted to know what it was that always led to this wrong path, so on my day 1 I decided to observe my actions, thoughts and emotions throughout the day and I compared with what I experienced in the past. Sure, everyone experience different benefits but we all fall the same way. By knowing how we fall, we can counter it effectively and tell others how we fell so as to give them a heads up. We all need to rise up, so let’s share what we know about pmo to help our collective fight against it!
     
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  12. bigbuford

    bigbuford Fapstronaut

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    Thanks @Travelfreeofmind It is more really about this:
    I don't think she is upset to go after my job but it DOES seem that she feels very shaken and traumatized. I may just go ahead and apologize but overall I am evaluating what to do.
     
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  13. Travelfreeofmind

    Travelfreeofmind Fapstronaut

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    Well, from what I read, I get the feeling that you may not have talked to her about the incident and the minor events throughout your working hours. People can have one look that says one thing, but what they think of you in reality is another. For ogling at her, you can perhaps do that look at a mirror so you know what you look like and you can soften your expression when you look at anyone in general, since what you think you look like and what anyone sees from your expression can be different.

    For cutting her in traffic, I think you should find a time when both of you are free, and apologise for your actions. Try to have a passive stance(or assertive if she is has a strong character) when you apologise to show that you have no ill will in your actions towards her and genuinely want to have better work relations.

    Generally, I’m not sure about your work community and customs, but if you think you did something wrong, you can ask her to see if you did offend her and discuss how you could portray yourself to be more friendly to your coworkers. If you try and hide away, you’re being reclusive, it solves nothing. For such stressful situations which you feel and think that you did something wrong, don’t assume. It’s better ask the person in question to clear up the situation. Your way to be better socially is to know how others see you and how you can interact effectively with others. Assumptions will not help you in any way and only distances you from others. When you meet issues you must face them to progress, you should not run away or be over aggressive. In fact, from my experience, the greatest potential to rise above your past self is to face life’s problems head on. So don’t be afraid to talk to others, learn to observe how you portray yourself to others, and learn ways of expressing yourself assertively, aggressively and passively.
     
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  14. Travelfreeofmind

    Travelfreeofmind Fapstronaut

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    My buddy @RecoveringFapaholic introduced me a book “how to win friends and influence people”. I highly recommend this book on improving your soft skills.
     
  15. Baldur

    Baldur Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the share! It's a great read. :)
    I wish you all the best!
    Stay strong.
    /Baldur
     
    Travelfreeofmind likes this.
  16. Such a powerful quote my friend !! Thank you & keep inspiring!!
     
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  17. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    thank you for posting this, its what this forum needs
     
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  18. jyvais

    jyvais Fapstronaut

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    First of all, congratulations on being 36 days free, I loved your post and I really like your systematic approach. Developing a system is paramount to success and you got this. Regarding your statement and in my case, I firmly believe the opposite. I will always remain a porn addict, my brain is now wired that way and there's nothing I can do to change that. This is the price I pay for allowing myself that deep into pmo. Now, it doesn't mean that I can't gain control and overpower the addiction but I know that if I relapse, it will break the dynamic and I'll go back to square minus 10 in a wink.

    Addiction never goes away, you just become very good at controlling the urge and as long as you stay clear you maintain your leverage. On the contrary if you happen to relapse, don't kid yourself you will loose all control. Why do I believe that? I successfully quit smoking cold turkey thanks to a forum like this, I didn't use any aid other than meditation and self improvement techniques. I had to demonize the addiction to a point where relapsing wasn't an option at all, period. Most people on the forum who believed that failure was still a possibility just did that, they relapsed and relapsed and some are still dependent.

    I was explained that to experiment pleasure or pain, our brain relies on neurotransmitters. Dopamine is the chemical responsible for our emotions. Think of a neurotransmitter as an open gate and its function is to process the dopamine to materialize the emotion. Under normal circumstances, dopamine is released in very small amount. When the pleasure is artificially induced and higher than the usual, a bigger dose of Dopamine is released. The gate can't process that amount on its own so it just create another gate ... and so on. Every time our brain needs a higher amount of dopamine to feed an increasing number of neurotransmitters. If the amount of chemical released isn't enough, one experiment depression, anxiety, anger, insomnia and all kinds of challenges. When you quit, it takes a while for the brain to get used to but eventually these gates start to close. They don't disappear, they remain dormant. If you relapse, they all wake up at the same time and the vicious process starts over.

    So there's a difference between addiction and dependency, I believe that I will always remain an addict but I'm not dependent anymore. It's 7:44pm here and I haven't pmo so far, I'm grateful and thank you for keeping me focused.

    J
     
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  19. Physicist

    Physicist Fapstronaut

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    Everything is always an urge, just have to put that urge to good use.
     
  20. Aloha

    Aloha Fapstronaut

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    Congrats brother, awesome inspiration for all of us, keep going warrior
     

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