Day 35 (unofficially 39)

I am not posting in success stories, because things may have gotten better, but not enough yet. Ever since I hit day 30 unofficially, I have been filled with urges. I have been feeling less confident, more nervous, and less focus. I keep thinking about it and resisting. Only god knows how I survive every night.

I have terrible sleep, I could stay up for a day or two and wake up in just 2-3hrs and be unable to sleep again. My sleep has gotten better but, its still bad. I still lie down to sleep and be unable to sleep with eyes closed for over 6-7 hours. I try to meditate and stuff, but last few days, I have been hard for hours because I would be unable to sleep but thoughts keep coming even if I dont want. I just kept my hands around me else I would have lost already.

I was doing better before hitting 30 days, it wont even be a lie if I were to say doing 30 days was nothing to me compared to what I feel now on the daily. I feel a lot more attracted to women, when I walk outside. I have to keep moving my eyes away cause I would see someone pretty or find any female pretty, and just try to distract and move away.

I feel more anxious and nervous latelt, as if my nofap benefits have come to a pause atm but instead reversed making me worse than when I was into fapping daily and porn.

Once I even found myself trying to look online to find someone to fulfill my desires without any kind of ejaculation. That was still wrong. Its night again and I am in the same spot again. I wish I could just skip the next 7-9 hrs ahead of me.