Day 37 - Hard mode (sharing my feelings [first post])

I feel very strange. Today the urges are stronger than ever but I believe I can control them and I am able to control them but I have this weird sensation about reality. I am really thinking about it at a deep level like our life is so crossed into this web of porn addictions and controlled by other things. Our emotions are not ours at all. Like we are only seeing world from the perspective of youtube videos, facebook, insta etc. I have a plan to quit these things and I am sure I'll do it. But It feels so weird and I am asking these questions like what the heck even is real. For example I know that youtube is making money, and behind almost every creator they're making money over it. Same at facebook, people have weird reasons to do things and no one really is thinking in terms of higher purpose or some sense of depth to what they are doing. This nofap journey has made me realize that whatever I did bad, like fapping as it became a strong addiction and I was doing it 3 4 times a day the same way, strengthening my neural pathways for that specific act. I am now seeing this thing in other ways of my life. Like when I overwatch youtube I notice how I type in y and tab and each and every part of the activity. Porn is the biggest darkest thing in my life sure, but there are also other things that are working in the same mechanism. those have to be changed
Btw, Idk maybe it is weird but I had to get it out I am feeling overwhelmed by these emotions of uncertainty. But I am feeling powerful more than ever and that is absolutely sure that I am never going back to that path of my life. I feel like I have a fire inside me and I want to do things.
I am really a newbie at these things seriously(you know sharing stuff in text on the internet) so, whatever.