Day 423. The deep end of results, changes and advice.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by DonGiovanni, Apr 13, 2018.

  1. DonGiovanni

    DonGiovanni Fapstronaut

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    Hello NoFap. I haven't posted here in a VERY long time. First of all, I must thank this forum for being the stepping stone to my new life, which I am entirely proud of and happy about.

    Background:
    I was introduced to P at an extremely young age by an older neighbor (5 years older), which is sexual abuse. I must've been younger than 9, but I can't remember exact age. This lead to me believing that porn was the coolest thing in the world, and made me always want to pursue things that people older than me would do. That brought a LOT of trouble into my life. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, you name it. But most of all, it made me want to pursue sexuality and treat it like the most important thing in my life. I treated many women like objects, I cheated on absolutely all my partners, I watched P morning and night, I pursued questionable online relationships, you get the picture. I felt that being liked and wanted by a woman was the holiest of holy achievements, I NEEDED it. I needed to feel wanted, and once I achieved that, I would lose all interest in the lady. Plus, I never thought of how I was introduced to P, and the things that happened around that situation, that were abusive and were destroying my childhood.

    I LOST MY CHILDHOOD TO P.

    I'm currently in a long term relationship, over 5 years. I cheated, lied, then stopped cheating. But I would watch P, and lie about it. Our sex life was completely ONE sided, and it was becoming less and less frequent due to the lack of actual intimacy. It was like having MO but with a human person instead of a screen, completely reducing my partner to an object I needed to achieve my goal. NOT COOL.
    I started seeing P as a problem, and would talk about dropping it, but here's the thing:
    I ALWAYS, IN THE BACK OF MY MIND, WANTED TO FIND THE PERFECT FORMULA OF PMO plus KEEPING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. I was always looking for the solution that included keeping P in my life, and having a relationship.
    But that's not possible, at least for us addicts.
    So here's my first piece of advice;

    You must say, think, feel, and know deep in your heart, that you cannot watch P EVER again. You have to acknowledge this, and BE OK WITH IT. If you're not, you need more help, more effort, more education, and more whatever else you can find to actually reach that point. Once you're addicted to something, you will be an addict for the rest of your life. That's why it's so important to feel comfortable since day 1 with the thought of NEVER EVER watching P again.
    I reached that point on february 13, 2017. My G/F was in the bathroom, and I grabbed my phone and searched for some stuff on a seemingly innocuous websites. I will not explain any details because it could be a trigger for some. It was for me. Anyway, she walks out, and I started acting all nervous and jittery, she asked me and I lied at first, but then I opened up and confessed. I wont get into the gory details, but it was a horrible experience to hurt her yet again with the same issue. We broke up, and I got on NoFap. That was my first positive decision towards dropping P out of my life.

    I've been P free for over a year. Yes, there are superpowers, but I have some news for you: You're journey does NOT end with dropping P. This is just the first step for your personal transformation into a HUMAN that treats other humans equally. This completely changed my life! I started to work on seeing women as people instead of objects, it got me reading into male chauvinism and it's effect. I gotta tell you dudes, you MUST look into Male Chauvinism, and evaluate yourselves. Evaluate your past, your actions, and how it must've made women in your lives feel, because knowing this information will bring the responsibility of doing something about it. You cannot try to drop P without understanding what P means for women in the world. P treats women like toys for men to play and use whenever they want and drop when they don't.

    One of the major perks of dropping P is that unwanted sexual thoughts are greatly reduced, and urges stop being a hassle or a scary inconvenience. I think that I read and learned so much about P, male chauvinism, objectification, etc, that it helped me feel completely sure of myself that I wouldn't slip. Since I FIRST took my pledge that 13th of february, I never relapsed, not once. It's been 423 days since that day and I hold it in my heart like a badge of honor. And I've watched tons of sex scenes on tv, Game of Thrones, etc and have not relapsed, or MO'ed thinking of P or any sex scene I watched. Knowing what P truly meant in my life, and how it made me act with my loved ones and past partners, knowing what it does to my fellow fapstrounauts, and what it does to little kids around the world who are being abusively introduced to P at a way too young age to understand it's damage, helped my be P free for good. You never JUST watch P, there's a long line of consequences behind it for you, your brain, for women in your life ( wether you're interested in them sexually or not).
    The P Industry is full of ABUSE.

    My second advice is; learn what an addiction truly is. Your brain chemistry changed since you watched P for the first time. You must read about how addiction works in your brain. Imagine that cocaine, or meth, or whatever, was free and available in absolutely everyones pocket, homes, work places, etc. That's how serious of a problem P is. So you must not underestimate your challenge. P is one of the toughest addictions to beat, so DON'T HALF ASS IT. Go all out. It's your life you're saving.

    Third advice; GO GET HELP. Get a psychologist or therapist to help you through this. This is not something to do alone. Also, open up to a best friend, spouse, etc. You need accountability, because you must've realized by now that you CANNOT TRUST AN ADDICTED BRAIN. You MUST have backup plans, and be READY for the inevitable urges that will fight your will to succeed. Getting help is a MUST, a KEY component to defeating addiction. I went to a lady psychologist, which helped me have a woman's perspective. She was awesome, and helped me heal all the guilt from the pain I caused with P, helped me face the fact that I was a victim of child abuse, and helped me get on the right track towards being healthy and P free. Guilt is a MAJOR component of P addiction, so you have to face it and deal with it and move on.

    Fourth advice; besides getting a psychologist to help you out, you should also consider what got you into P in the first place. My addiction began with a terrible incident that went on for years, and the worse part is that it wasn't until my psychologist helped me, that I realized that what happened to me was actually child abuse, and not just a kid seeing something really cool that his parents couldn't know about. I also started visiting a psychiatrist recently, and found out that on top of having ADHD, I am depressed. Being depressed, and having ADHD, defines a lot how you must work to beat an addiction. You must get to know yourself and how your brain is working in order to help yourself best. In my situation, ADHD makes me overfocus on things that stimulate my brain, because normal day to day input barely stimulates me. That makes me want to pursue dangerous out of the ordinary activities. And this is all well within the definition of symptoms of ADHD, so knowing this also helped me heal the guilt of pursuing P so much, my brain was functioning in a way that made P be that much more interesting, stimulating, and made me believe I wanted it so badly. Being depressed also worsens the battle against P because feeling bad about my life and circumstances, plus the changes in brain chemistry that come with depression, make you that much more vulnerable to relapsing to P.
    YOUR ADDICTION IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOUR ADDICTION IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOUR ADDICTION IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

    You have no idea of all that you're missing out of when you have P in your life. Once it's out, every relationship in your life will improve, and become deeper, SPECIALLY your most important relationship; your relationship with yourself. DROPPING P IS THE GREATEST ACT OF SELF LOVE YOU COULD DO RIGHT NOW, and trust me, you need lot's of self love at this point. Google it, Pinterest it, find self love activities and DO THEM, work to make you feel good about yourself. But you must do absolutely everything you can you achieve it. I almost lost the love of my life, my life partner, best friend, co-parent of our beautiful pets, because of P. It scarred us both deeply, but it also brought us closer because we fought this battle together.

    So, again, Thank you NoFap, you will forever be in my heart. Thanks to this website, and starting my reboot with all the information here and the wonderful help of this beautiful, loving community that is the forums of NoFap, I was able to change my life, learn about myself, and heal. So much has changed. And it will change for you too. Also, the days since your reboot are important, but that's not all there is to it. Wether you relapsed 3 days ago, or been on the wagon for two years, what matters is that every day you're growing, learning, and becoming a better human because you're leading one of the toughest battles of your life. Never give up, never hurt yourself with negative thoughts because you relapsed, and always just love yourself. Give yourself the best. It's your life.

    I love you guys. I'd hug and kiss you all if I could. That's how happy I am. I'm 34 years old, P free, a better person who is the most satisfied with his life he's ever been yet, and it all began thanks to NoFap, and to deciding that I was comfortable with the thought of NEVER watching P again.
     
  2. Recovering PA

    Recovering PA Fapstronaut

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    Wow,

    That was a powerful post. I am in need of some methods to cope with triggers i can practice every day. I am free from PM but don't want to get complacent and cocky. I am seeking out a sex therapist over the next few days (weekend might prove difficult as most places close). i want to use all the tools i can to be a better person, even though i feel good about the changes already. It sounds like your in a strong place, could you offer any advice please.
     
  3. That is a very inspiring post, thank you so much for sharing it. I have tried and failed many times, but i want out of this horrible cycle of shame and regret. Hopefully i can finally follow your footsteps to freedom. Keep going strong and thanks again.
     
  4. DonGiovanni

    DonGiovanni Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! That's the intention behind sharing it, I want to help as many as I can as I was helped. I feel very lucky and grateful. You already have a strong stretch of freedom with those 88 days. Don't focus on the number of days PMO free, focus on learning about what P does to your brain, look into your own life and think back what P has brought to your life and what it has taken away. It's about redefining what P means to you, so that when an urge strikes, you have a strong foundation to fall back on and to rely on. Urges will be there, but not forever. I devoured this forum from top to bottom, I pinterested a lot about P, I read books, and also learned about myself, my ADHD, and how it affected me. Every single time I relapsed I was in a place in my life were I thought I could find some sort of perfect balance of P, like some secret formula, to make my life work and still have P in my life. It's a mindset, really. Set your mind to it, and love yourself so much that you wouldn't want to do that to yourself ever again, but be kind enough to yourself to allow space for mistakes without shame and without self hate.
     
  5. GoldSpirit

    GoldSpirit Fapstronaut

    Beautiful man, congratulations on your achievements! Thank you for sharing your story.
    I'm experiencing big improvements as well, it's amazing what one can achieve with a clear mindset and strong willpower.

    Sending you another hug to you as well, haha. Enjoy your victory, you earned it.
     
  6. BMW-6er

    BMW-6er Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much my dear for share this important massage. I was also 9 years old, when I get the first confrontation with P. Starting in this period of life is really bad it could be from stronger brain connection or somethings else but I had/ have still strong urges to time that shit into my laptop and just do the same thing i done 10 thousands of time. I rebuild my self confidence and I am also to afraid of speaking with a doctor a therapist about my problems...but still nice that here is a community that listen and follow the same path.
     
    j_pwc_bat likes this.
  7. aditay

    aditay Fapstronaut

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    very inspirational post thanks
     
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  8. Target365

    Target365 Fapstronaut

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  9. mhz

    mhz Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for posting this. It was so inspiring to read and it really clicked with me. I have failed so many time since my first decision and I always wondered why did I fail again and you know what is powering my 30th day this time, it is something you said that don't half ass your determination to end this addiction. Go all in.

    On my current journal, I said the same line on the first post after the relpase. I have finally accepted that this is a going to be very tough thing to end and I will have to fight it out for a long time.

    I wish you all the best for your future. I am sure going to read your post again in the future. Thanks man!

    I will fight my demons and reach towards the light at the end of the tunnel :)
     
    Gripseeker, j_pwc_bat and BismaBRJ like this.
  10. ControlledMind

    ControlledMind Fapstronaut

    Really touched my heart deeply. I can feel how happy you are now. That's all a man need , healthy and happier life. I'm in a pursuit for it. Your post is really inspiring and motivating. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I will come again and read this thread for some dose of inspiration as an antidote for my urges. Once a again Thank you So much. God bless you.
     
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  11. pcmaster

    pcmaster Fapstronaut

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    Its amazing that you could pull off relationship with P for 5 years. Must be very patient partner then you have there.
     
    j_pwc_bat likes this.
  12. Hangukin

    Hangukin Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your post. Very inspirational. I am at 120 days, but I still get anxiety when I talk to girls... At what point would you say you started experiencing benefits?
     
    j_pwc_bat likes this.
  13. innermostheart

    innermostheart Fapstronaut

    "You have no idea of all that you're missing out of when you have P in your life. Once it's out, every relationship in your life will improve, and become deeper, SPECIALLY your most important relationship; your relationship with yourself. DROPPING P IS THE GREATEST ACT OF SELF LOVE YOU COULD DO RIGHT NOW, and trust me, you need lot's of self love at this point."

    Thid line caught me off guard.
     
  14. Inactive User

    Inactive User Fapstronaut

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    Dude that is awesome, congrats on 427 days, and thank you so much for the advice
     
  15. byeoldfriend

    byeoldfriend Fapstronaut

    @DonGiovanni, This is totally inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
     
  16. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the sharing man, definitely rings a bell and resonates with what I tell whoever starts asking questions about stopping P or its harmful effects.
    Can you remember the last urge you had, and when was it?
     
  17. Menace

    Menace Fapstronaut

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    nice post. thanks alot for sharing it with us. may i ask a question. do you smoke cigarrets or done it while u were doin PMO?
     
  18. romlel

    romlel Fapstronaut
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    Loving poste, thank you for sharing your experience!
    Love to you!
     
  19. Gideonite

    Gideonite Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your thorough post about your experinces along your journey. It's really helpful and motivating. Bless you.
     
  20. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

    What an amazing post is this! I'm one of them as a childhood abuse. My first met to pornographic content is 9 years old and I started highspeed internet porn at 11. I tried to quit before a lot of times. And know that my life before start PMO was great. I can say this truly, because I still remember that days. A lot of people victims a childhood abuse unfortunately. Thank you for this excellent post! I hope you will more fine stay strong!
     

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