Day 45 - half way to 90

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by ifthisislove, Dec 23, 2017.

  1. boy026

    boy026 Fapstronaut

    very inspirational. i hope i can go on, fight the urges, rewire my brain and enjoy life, just like you :)
    ifthisislove likes this.
  2. ifthisislove

    ifthisislove Fapstronaut

    That’s the idea! It’s all a gradual and hopefully eventual process where in the end you create a different you.
  3. ifthisislove

    ifthisislove Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone,

    I feel like I should update on this thread as it has been my biggest success to date in terms of PMO abstinence.

    I write this with a tinge of sadness as I have slipped back into my old ways. This is the first time I've actually logged in to NoFap in quite some time. Perhaps the first time in 2019. I thought I didn't need it anymore, when in reality I needed the support system and recovery more than ever. Because the truth is, you will always be an addict. It's just how you handle it that really counts.

    Right now I'm facing some hard truths about myself that I need to face up to: I'm 35 years old, I'm still living at home, barely financially independent and I've never been in a proper relationship. I'm also diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I've come a long, long way in the last few years to change myself and I've shed many, many layers of skin in the last couple of years especially. I'm trying so hard to change myself on a daily basis, by going on dates, travelling the world, starting my own online business. And yet, I'm trying to undo 10+ years of damage partly due to PMO and the underlying cause of why I do it. It lies squarely with my mother and father essentially from a very young age but I'm trying hard as I say to undo a lot of beliefs and programs instilled. It's a long, long road. I can't begin to tell you how debilitating and destructive PMO is. It makes you weak, lazy, unmotivated. It turns you into someone akin to a heroin junkie.

    I'm not sure why I'm writing this aside from the fact I needed to vent to someone, anyone where I can be 100% vulnerable and truthful. There are many positives, which I've listed above, but time moves quick. Fortunately, I'm making moves in my life which will, God willing, help me make serious gains.

    For instance, I'm writing up a sponsorship proposal asking for funds towards my online business, I've been on a fair few dates this past month or so and created real connections with quality women, I've travelled to about 6-7 countries this year and just got back from Barbados and I'm off to Marrakech this Wednesday for a week.
    But ultimately, for a better quality of life, I need to get out of my parents. Because they're pretty messed up themselves as people as my mum is on anti-depressants and has big big issues, and my dad had a major stroke and can't make any sort of movement from his hospital stretcher for the past 9 months.

    It's time for me to stop being a little boy and turn into a man once and for all. I just feel very stuck and PMO is at the very root cause of my issues. Or maybe I'm just too scared to grow up. Maybe that's because there are abandonment issues there, that everyone I've ever loved doesn't reciprocate it, so I try to hold on as much as I can to the closest thing resembling love, which is from my own family, who themselves are barely functional. If anything they're dysfunctional. I feel like I could go on, but I've more or less made my point.

    TLDR; The world is passing me by and I just want things to progress quicker than they are.

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