Day 45, thoughts

I'm 45 days in. Halfway to the 90 mark. I've had some up days and fought some mighty urges, but so far I have kept myself busy enough not to give in.

Do I have superhero powers? No. Have I noticed a positive change?

The depression and social anxiety levels are definitely way, way down. I've been more productive and been able to stay focused on my school work. I've been more confident in relations with my spouse.

Occasionally I come across posters who talk about how nofap isn't about gaining superpowers, it's about getting back to normal. After battling with this addiction, normal can feel like a superpower, but it's really just what normal people must feel like day after day, week after week, month after month... it feels good. You can put down a lot of baggage. It's one less thing to feel bad about and one more thing to feel good about. Even keel.

I'm curious to know what will happen when I hit 90. I think I'm just going to reset my counter and continue with my 30-60-90 challenges. The other day I took a pretty long road trip and every 20 miles I would reset my odometer. I just have to make it 20 more miles. Short term goals seem easier to accomplish than driving 600 miles.

I hope that I can keep this trend going. I think about really successful people who I would like to emulate. People who are accomplished and successful in whatever their field. People who look like they've got a lot going for them and are happy. I doubt many of them allow themselves to fall into fap addiction. I've been an addict off an on for 15 years. I'm 45 days sober and tonight, I'm feeling alright. Good luck everyone.