Day 47: New Life

I just wanted to write this to possibly help someone find their way. I have deleted Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, and twitter. I found those to be triggers and a waste of time. I made a routine of 30 pushups everyday, right when I turn the shower on I do them. I listen to motivational podcasts, read scriptures, pray, and meditate. I set weekly goals such as no energy drinks, next week I’m starting no soda as well. I’m looking forward to life. I’ve never felt as happy as I do right now. I can feel anxiety and a pit in my stomach some days but I’m filled with peace and a purpose. I didn’t realize porn had that much of a negative impact on my life. I was suicidal for years. I didn’t want to live and hoped I would die in my sleep or something. At one point I became paranoid and felt I was going to die soon. I became paranoid also because I believe in God and I felt someone would kill me for it. I never was able to focus. My mind can focus now. I can read an article all the way through without having to get distracted. My mind feels clear. Life feels more real. I encourage everyone to get rid of triggers. If you have to delete social media, stop watching movies, tv shows, etc. also. You are never safe. Always have your guard up. Get closer to God if you believe in Him. There’s only so long you can tread water until you drown. Find something that is positive that will help you stay afloat. Build a raft. Set daily goals. This life is worth it. The attracting girls thing is real. Girls are always doing a double take. I felt before that I was too ugly and that only less attractive girls like me. Don’t think you can listen to sexual asmr, watch girls in bikinis, look at nsfw pictures/videos. Stay far away from that. Don’t think about looking at it. Don’t put yourself in that situation. Every time in the past where I would have long periods of time off of porn I would eventually start doing those things. It’s like holding a donut in your hand for a week. You’ll eventually eat it. If you have urges, don’t give in. They will go away eventually. Think of urges as the next step toward your new life. I had strong urges for 3-4 days when I hit about 30 days. I stayed far away from it and I’m fine. God is good. Don’t ever give up