Day 5..check in..lonely

As opposed to before hardmode.. My D was always in deadmode.. The good thing about this is its always semi hard now..im not getting MW or 100% erections..but yes it gets semi hard every now and then.. Just by the thought of sex or any erotic..it may be bad if thinking erotic stuff and sex with someone counts as relapse..
Another thing is that im now coveting a womanly presence, a feminine touch..in short its sort of a lonely kind of feeling..feeling like a pussy, a regenerate wholl do anything just to hold a woman close..mouth gets watery at the thought of sex or women..feeling like a lonely dog.. But ill def break my phone before watching porn again..