Day 50. All over the place and looking for advice

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by r0senr0t, Jun 9, 2020.

  1. r0senr0t

    r0senr0t New Fapstronaut

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    Reached day 50 no pmo. This journey has been like a sine wave in terms of difficulty, a week or more of feeling good and the other weeks feeling depressed. At the start I was viciously depressed and then from day 20-30 I felt amazing and now I feel depressed but strong enough to handle it if that makes sense.
    I suffered from bad hocd last year and it went away for almost 5 months near the end of year but the lockdown caused it to resurface. I'm working through it in isolation through exposure therapy and mindfulness and slowly but surely It's definitely working.

    The reason I'm writing this post is because of the emotional problems I'm dealing with as of now. All the issues I have in my life (quite a lot) have surfaced. Porn was an escape and stopped me from facing them and HOCD that was induced when my porn addiction got too extreme tricked me into thinking delusions are more worrying than the tangible issues in my life.

    I've been journaling and slowly working through all my problems one by one and its taking a long time but that's understandable and I am feeling stronger and confident the more I face them. The thing is the last few days have been incredibly dark and I'm feeling a bit hopeless and these "issues" and past things that have happened to me that shouldnt even bother me anymore have been amplified and I feel a void. My major hobbies and goals no longer seem interesting and I have no motivation, If i force my self to do them I get a great deal of anxiety. I dont really have anyone in my life i can seek advice from, its always been this way but I'm keen to strengthen myself and overcome this.

    I don't know anymore if its because of the coronavirus lockdown where I haven't been able to go out and socialize properly in almost three months, bad withdrawal symptoms 50 days in, or maybe I have a form of depression beyond this?
     
  2. m13579

    m13579 New Fapstronaut

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    feeling the same but pushing through as well, this is my 13th day. first week was good and then from day 8 till today... severe depression. i just guess this is the process we have to go through. i like to think of it as a cleansing process we need to go through from all the nasty and hardcore porn we looked at in our life. FUCK PORN
     
    Jo-trying likes this.
  3. serhpy

    serhpy Fapstronaut

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    hey you can go out and talk to people but maintain social distance and follow government guidelines
     
  4. TheRetainer

    TheRetainer Fapstronaut

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    Feeling the exact same days 25 - now (68).

    up and down, suicidal to content barely motivation to get up wash eat or get dressed. Sucks.
     
  5. r0senr0t

    r0senr0t New Fapstronaut

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    I have a question. By definition the major symptom of a flatline is low libido. My libido is not gone and I have very strong morning wood and wet dreams from time to time. Are my feelings of anxiety, low motivation and mood still part of the flatline?
     

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