day 50 - sever anxiety that led to a relapse.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by bayern12, Jul 2, 2018.

  1. bayern12

    bayern12 Fapstronaut

    hello my friends. I think i relapsed today. For some reason I woke up with an pannic attack that I have peyronies in my penis. I watched some p and got hard. I did not O though. clearly, I dont have any peyronies and my erection is straight up lol. So i was so f***** close to get to 90 days.... I feel now a rush of dophamine and I think i need to reset. I got hard from fucking pixels of feet again and it makes me so sad. A shame of a man. A shame to my family ...

    I hate myself right now so much!
    please some advice...
    JJackson likes this.
  2. IncenseCedar

    IncenseCedar Fapstronaut

    Bayren: I know it is difficult not feeling bad, but a better and different approach is to go positive. You made it 50 days! Incredible! Fantastic! Fist pumping proud! If you let the shame and guilt and crap hit you, it will lead to more acting out. I can relate to waking up and feeling weird (see my recent post). Next time, stop and wonder how interesting it is that dreams can leave residual effects and we have to work through those effects during our waking hours.

    Peace and strength in recovery, brother.
    JJackson and Fallensoldier1 like this.
  3. ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved

    ImASinnerWhoJesusSaved Fapstronaut

    On the contrary, you love yourself too much. Yes, you are angry that you did something wrong, but if you hated yourself, you would not be angry. I don't mean to say you should hate yourself, you shouldn't.

    The fact that your eyes saw some porn and your brain liked it does not make you a failure. No, in a sense, we are already failures. We're all failures before we start. We are flawed, and we use our flaws to try to make ourselves feel better.

    The truth is that you can feel just as good at day 4 or 5 as you can at day 90 or day 5000. Every moment without porn is a great one, so celebrate! I'm celebrating the next 365 days of porn-freeness! You don't have to think, "Oh boy, I F'd up, I can't be happy until at least day 20" or something like that. Believe me, I've said that before. I'm on day 3 now and it's great.
    IncenseCedar likes this.
  4. bayern12

    bayern12 Fapstronaut

    For some reason my brain led me to believe that I have a pysical disease (peyronies) - but I clearly dont .... my erection was very good looking and straight. God damn. anyway thanks man... I will try sex 20-30 days from now I think. Because I really believe in myself. these 50 days must have a little change on my sex system...
  5. bayern12

    bayern12 Fapstronaut

    thanks man.. I just want to be normal you get me... I want to be a good son to my father. my father always tells me: IM WAITING FOR A GRANDSON FROM YOU... and it is killing me from the inside!!!! Man I just want natue to come back at me!! this fucking PMO!! NATURE IS THE BEST THING AND I FUCKed WITH IT ...
    god damn...
  6. Nuo

    Nuo Fapstronaut

    Don't beat yourself. For the last month my highest score was 8 days
  7. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

    Read this reply. Hopefully it helps.

Share This Page