Day 52. Experienced the worst night and trying to recover.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by tunwang520, Oct 28, 2018.

  1. tunwang520

    tunwang520 Fapstronaut

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    Greetings, rebooters! It's My #1 thread. Last night was one of the worst nights of my life and I'll tell you what happened.

    Some background information. I am a 24-year-old male living in Beijing, China. I completed my Masters in New York University this summer. I have completed 2 sessions of reboot. Both are around 120 days. Yesterday was the Day 51 of my third attempt.

    I think my weakness is letting little things ruin my plan. Half of the time I feel insecure and sensitive (the reason I only had one relationship before, I think girls prefer the man who knows where he is going). In addition, I have OCD in terms of pursuing perfection is what also keeps me on the reboot journey.

    Yesterday I went to clubbing since its almost Halloween. I totally fucked up every opportunity to get laid or at least to have a kiss.
    At 11 PM, I went to join a group of friends whom also have international education backgrounds. I carried with a motive that I could get to know some girls and maybe get laid with one of them.

    But I feel terribly low when I arrived. I thought alcohol will help but it didn't. I felt downbeat all night. I couldn't look at girls in their eyes and wouldn't initiate a conversation. I consider my appearance an 8 out of 10. I can see that there are 2 or 3 girls who are attracted to me. They pushed me to the dance floor. But I only gave half-assed moves although I am a good dancer. I was too shy to dance face to face. I felt like I just can't summon the energy to talk back or get closer to them. As a result, I appeared to be so freaking ALOOF and weird.

    Looking back from now, several things contributed to my low energy level and confidence. First, it was a hectic day yesterday. I went to a career fair and talk to 10 companies and gave them my resumes.

    Second, before I went to clubbing, I didn't eat dinner and in my workout session I trained my arms and abs toooooo much (100 solid push-ups and 200 ab-crunches) so by the time I arrived at the club, I have emptied all the glycogen in my muscle cells. I felt weak physically.

    Third, there was a guy in the friend group that I dislike and a couple of girls I never met before. I felt that I cannot blend in so well at least in the first half an hour.

    I ended up going home early than others because my heart was screaming to get out. Afraid of what my friends might think of me. I sensed that after this, my social ranking in this group dropped low to the bottom. All the way to home, I was so depressed. But I didn't relapse.

    I don't think this is a typical losing story. The context of last night is to complex even for me to grasp, never mention the readers. I hope by writing I can sort things out and at least calm myself. What I can learn from the experience I am not sure. But I will keep going.
    Thank you for reading.
     
    Turkish Delight likes this.

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