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Day 60, life is shit, but I'm hopeful

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by ukkometso420, Sep 3, 2017.

  1. Sep 3, 2017 #1
    ukkometso420

    ukkometso420 Fapstronaut

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    I hit day 60 today (my counter lies, because I f*cked up when creating it :D), and I can't say that I'm going that strong.

    At the start of this streak I ended an 8-year-long relationship, so that still weighs upon me pretty heavily. I'm also finding myself very lonely, which makes me act out by desperately trying to seek company.

    I had a short fling with a female friend, but I think she lost interest because of my pretty apparent desperation and clinginess. I'm still hopeful about her, because she's a wonderful person, and I love myself when I'm around her (although I also see this as a problem, because I generally hate myself, when I'm not around her :D).

    My sexual desire went up for a while at about days 20–45, but now I'm on a two-week flatline. No morning wood, and generally no sexual desire or libido, low motivation, bursting into tears several times every day.

    I really don't plan on relapsing to P or M, because my main thought right now is that I wasted my entire youth (I'm 28 now) on those things, and some of it on excessive substance use. I'm feeling depressed, lonely, even socially isolated and burnt out. Good times.

    I really hope sticking with this program will result in me emerging on the other side of this shit as a better person. Was it Churchill who said "If you find yourself going through hell, keep going".
     
    ukkometso420, Sep 3, 2017
    ukkometso420, Sep 3, 2017
    #1
  2. Sep 3, 2017 #2
    Wayne C

    Wayne C Fapstronaut

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    Churchill was a smart man. That's all you can do. You go through the crucible and, yeah it's sucks, but when you come out the other side, you're stronger, better. A refined version of yourself. I'm right around your age and I can totally relate to the feeling of having wasted years. I look at friends who didn't have this problem and where they are, and I can't help but feel that that's where I should be too. Don't compare yourself though. Your crucible is your own, and it's your cross to bear. I know it feels impossible sometimes, or like it's not worth it, but it is. Stick with it. Stay the course and you will benefit, I promise.
     
    Wayne C, Sep 3, 2017
    Wayne C, Sep 3, 2017
    #2
    ukkometso420 likes this.
  3. Sep 3, 2017 #3
    AChosenPeople

    AChosenPeople Fapstronaut

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    I wish you best of luck fella.
     
    AChosenPeople, Sep 3, 2017
    AChosenPeople, Sep 3, 2017
    #3
    ukkometso420 likes this.
  4. Sep 3, 2017 #4
    Yasin Najib

    Yasin Najib Fapstronaut

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    Hey Buddy,
    I'm 28 too. I spent most of my life like this and also fucked around with a lot of substance. Everytime my wife throws a fit and leaves I relapse. I respect your will to persist even through all this. Hope you, and I come out of this together.
     
    Yasin Najib, Sep 3, 2017
    Yasin Najib, Sep 3, 2017
    #4
    ukkometso420 likes this.
  5. Sep 3, 2017 #5
    User047

    User047 Fapstronaut

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    You can fix your counter anytime, it is easy. :)

    As for the struggle, you have to go trough that.
    A year ago I was 29 years old, made it 45 Days and relapsed because I felt like shit during my reboot.
    As you can see, I am back here so that means I have lost one extra year. There is no other way than to endure that pain and distress.
     
    User047, Sep 3, 2017
    User047, Sep 3, 2017
    #5
    ukkometso420 and Yasin Najib like this.

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