Day 600+ and Rejection is Leaving Me Clueless

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Glex, Feb 25, 2019.

  1. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone,

    Lately I have fallen into a funk as I feel like I constantly keep repeating the same cycle. Meet a girl in a class I am in, start developing strong feelings, decide to grow a pair and ask her on a date, discover that I cant read people in the slightest when she says she is taken, and start over on things. Even when I take the time to talk to the girl in question for as long as possible and try to give signs of my own to at least hint that I am interested before asking her on a date. I am very methodical on the process and often overthink things like this, so I typically only pursue 2-3 girls actively a year. My record at college so far is I got a yes from 1/4 girls I talked to, which led me to my first ever date , where I predictably blundered from a lack of experiences and pushed me to just being asked to be a friend. What hits me harder is that I am a pretty big introvert at school. I am pretty good if someone else enters a conversation with me, but if I have to initiate things, then I just try to script things and they all flat. I hate going to parties, but it seems like that is the only option for me at this point to meet more people, however that seems even more futile when I dont drink at all which just leaves me out of place further. Every time I look to classes I am in, they have ended like I stated before, with myself just looking like an awful person for trying to date someone who is already taken. If only there was some green text over everyone who was single, things would be a lot easier lol. Now, I am around 620 days on no PMO and I am just feeling like garbage considering my latest blunder was just a few days ago. I want to succeed as everyone does, but now I just want to be even more conservative with who I pursue which seems like a bad option, but I really dont know what to do at this point. I know this came across as really rambly, but I just had to rant this all out somewhere and what way could be better than in text form.
     
  2. 600 days of NoFap? What a hero! Btw you should feel proud of yourself. You are above many . Girls you like probably date other dudes that PMO the hell out of themselves.
    Keep being patient. You are 19. There is still plenty of time.
     
  3. ImpureHuman

    ImpureHuman Fapstronaut

    I see two 500+ days in the screen. Great..
    I wish to join in that elite group one day..
     
    n1trickpony, Deleted Account and Glex like this.
  4. neutral1000

    neutral1000 Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I think the same sometimes, I rarely go out and my ability to socialise is very limited becouse of anxiety and lack of experience. I think we need some success to be noticed by women. Am I correct?
     
    Tafi and Glex like this.
  5. MonkeyDo

    MonkeyDo Fapstronaut

    Hey dude, big respect for the 500+ days of NoFap. Your self-control is really good! :emoji_astonished:

    But from what you have said maybe your self-control is a little too good?

    I'm not a huge ladies man (yet), but one thing I think I do well is when I see a girl who could possibly be a match for me, I decide very quickly to ask her out or get her number to ask her out later. I am not waiting a long time, talking to her but never trying to get her alone with me on a date.

    I will often ask a girl out to do something with me on the same day that I have met her for the first time and we are having a fun chat. Why not? If she rejects you, she usually does so politely with some excuse, and then you can still be friends with her (if you both want to) and go after some other girl. This way you aren't wasting hours and hours on one girl who is going to reject you anyway. Get rejected at the beginning and then you don't invest so much! It can sometimes take 10 or 20 girls before one of them really wants to hang out with you.

    Your strategy of 2 or 3 girls per year and spending a lot of time talking to them before asking them out just has a very very low chance of success. Firstly because it's only 2-3 girls, and secondly because the longer you go on talking without asking her out the more likely they decide they only want to be your friend.

    Anyway, best of luck with things, and I hope to one day have as many NoFap days as you have.
     
    Glex likes this.
  6. These books may help:

    1. How to Win Friends and Influence People
    2. The Fine Art Of Small Talk: How to start a conversation in any situation
    3. Conversation Casanova: How to Effortlessly Start Conversations and Flirt Like a Pro
     
  7. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    I do think that it might not be a bad idea to start being more "aggressive?" in how many girls I try to approach, I guess its just that I have no idea how to go about doing that. Right now I'm just going about life and trying where I see fit. I just dont see too many girls on a regular basis that I think I want to pursue anything with? I guess things have to change eventually if I want success, so I guess now might be the time to do that.
     
  8. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    I feel a bit like this, but not totally. While I dont go out much, its mostly because I know that I will get nothing out of it. I hate parties, and I know that the people there arent really my crowd, so its only logical that I wont go to them. I have gotten exponentially better at flirting since starting nofap (which has helped me in the one scenario I got the date (I wasnt even trying to flirt and the girl was dying laughing), I guess the next step is learning to read people a bit better which will lead to some minor success.
     
  9. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You have to find a way to meet more people and be less picky. You'll naturally have more success with more attempts than you would with less attempts. How do you know what you really want if you haven't had much experience? Expand your horizons more. Try things you normally wouldn't try. Socialize with all types of people.

    Your fixed mindset of "I want this and nothing else will do" and your strategy of patiently waiting for that to come along a few times every year isn't working.
     
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  10. Why don't you go through the back door, ask a friend of hers, do some digging on Facebook etc, and see if she's taken b4 you approach her and set your self up 4 failure?..
     
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  11. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    That is actually a really simple question that I have no idea how to answer. I really dont talk a ton with a girl before I ask for a date. Maybe a bit of small conversation once/twice a week before a class. I really dont use social media too much so thats out of the question. I guess digging around might be a good idea for the future thought as being ignorant has bit me a few times already.
     
  12. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    I do think this is something that I need to really start doing. While I dont want to lower my standards, I think that maybe broadening the type of people I want to meet is better for me. I guess I need to find a good wingman at school then lol.
     
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  13. THEdally_llama

    THEdally_llama Fapstronaut

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    Broaden your horizons, stop being so picky, approach more people (don't be afraid, we all get rejected), start developing confidence in yourself (this is key), learn how to be charismatic and "control the room" (there's plenty of stuff on the web about how to do this), learn how to small talk and keep conversations flowing (practice on random strangers you meet), put yourself in awkward situations intentionally (see how you handle them), start taking care of yourself (personal hygiene and fitness go a long way), make yourself as attractive as possible (keep up with current clothing trends, hairstyles, etc...), do lots of research on youtube and the web for how to make yourself more attractive to ladies and how to interact with them (I recommend How To Beast on Youtube, and Dan Bacon on Youtube and even some Neil Strauss books, also Chase Amante isn't bad either) and get on the dating apps and start meeting new people.

    Even if you do all this you'll still get a fair share of rejection. But experience will be on your side. It took me about 2-3 years of REALLY HARD emotional and social work to get to where I am now, which is a ladies man. Maybe you'll get there sooner?
     
    Glex likes this.
  14. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    Thats interesting. Ive never thought about intentionally putting myself into an intentionally awkward situation to get out of it. I feel like that will help a good bit. I really dont want to try dating apps just yet as I am still pretty young and they really wont help develop my dating skills, and Ive seen some pretty bad experiences from some friends that really turn me away from the idea right now. I obviously know that rejection is a bit part of all this, it just sucks that I feel like ive had a ton of improvement, yet the results arent appearing just yet. I guess im now just learning that the culprit of that is probably me taking things way too slow right now in terms of approaching.
     
  15. Andreid

    Andreid Fapstronaut
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    It's fine to get rejected a lot in the beginning. Don't worry! Almost every guy has a rough start regarding this, but it doesn't matter as long as you maintain your positivity. You have a lot to offer to all of us out here who are struggling with PMO for years and can't resist even a day without relapsing. Cheer up man, you got plenty of time and plenty of things to learn by experiencing!
     
    Glex likes this.
  16. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the motivation. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Its just frustrating making my way towards that light.
     
  17. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    zilogZ80 likes this.
  18. Christian Fox

    Christian Fox Fapstronaut

    What is your goal with the whole dating stuff? Are you in for sex, short-term relationship, long-term, maybe even marriage? You should have that clear first. Then choose your methods accordingly. If you are looking for a partner for life (which I consider the only sensible thing), you want to be careful in your choice, taking time would be definitely the right thing to do in that case. If you just want as many girls as you can get, well, my fore-posters already gave advice to that end.
     
    Glex likes this.
  19. Glex

    Glex Fapstronaut

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    I am personally in it for a long lasting relationship (hopefully ending in marriage). I am personally practicing abstinence until marriage, so I am just in it for the most quality woman I can find, which I guess does explain why it takes so long for me to find someone to chase after.
     
  20. THEdally_llama

    THEdally_llama Fapstronaut

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    If you're looking to practice abstinence its gonna be harder. However, maybe look into religious group meetings and stuff like that?
     
    Glex likes this.

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