Day 70: Extreme HOCD vs gay realization?

The way I see it, you're a straight guy. You say all your crushes were girls and you have confessed your feelings for girls before, before that you say you had no luck with women, and later you say you push girls away after having been approached by them. I've been in all this, and I have simple explanations for these things. You say your crushes have only been girls, which means you were never attracted to guys in person. As we all probably know, we cannot rely on our masturbation material to determine our sexuality. In fact, PMOing always means that to some extent we have developed unnatural tastes. Most of us have strayed from our real sexuality according to the masturbation material we have thought about or watched. While in reality we indifferent, and even repelled by these things if they happen to us.
Ever noticed that the only place you get gay thoughts is at home when you are depressed or are PMOing? and never in public? or am I wrong on this one? I apologize if I am just assuming things that aren't true.
You said you had no luck with women before, which means you are inexperienced (somehow like me), and so you would push girls away, whom you aren't used to be approached by, and because of the insecurities you have about your sexual identity.

Hope I gave you clarity on the matter!

 

People who are gay do not question it, they know. Just like a straight person does. The reason why you could get hard and finish to a gay porn scene is because it was taking place on a screen, it was sex and you were stroking your penis.

 

The impression I get is that you are not even bisexual, let alone homosexual. Furthermore, I get the feeling that there is much more to this identity crisis than simply your sexual identity. Do you find yourself wondering who you really are as a person? Do you worry that just when you think you have got it straight and you know who you are, that it changes and you are left feeling lost and confused again? Identity is not just a matter of gender or sexuality.

 

You're watching gay porn, yet you struggle with the notion that you could be gay. Based on the info you provided, I think that you are unsure of your sexuality. You've never been successful with women, so maybe the idea that you are gay seems safe. But, unless you actually find out, you'll never know.

 

I have heard that as well. Honestly, what do you think?

 

FutureGuitarGod I understand where you're trying to go with this however, it is in the wrong direction.

OP you're straight as an arrow. No questions about it. As someone else mentioned people who are gay know this through and through. The whole idea of not knowing and suddenly realising this is science fiction.

You just know through and through your sexual identity. In fact using the word 'gay' on a forum and brazenly asking if you might be gay is not something a gay person struggling with their sexuality would even do. It's a very touchy subject and they evade the topic at more or less every chance they can get. BTW I'm not homophobic, I think gay and lesbian people should be free to express themselves fully, but you have to be careful with a diagnosis, this is made all the more difficult by people's escalating and unhealthy porn consumption leading to bizarre fantasies.

Unfortunately, the more I study cases on this forum the more common this seems to be. Your brain trying to get off to more and more taboo subject matter. And the resulting behaviour HOCD only serves to strengthen the views of those around you, for example, your mom and family.

BTW it is abnormal to never been in a relationship, but this is because you have let porn interrupt your social skills to the point where women are merely objects to jack off too. Of course there is no evidence because our generation, the high internet speed porn generation, is the control case, these issues are NEW and pyschologists will at some point have to adapt their therapy to take this into consideration.

A reboot is order, my friend.

 

Perhaps you are right about the HOCD thing, but my point was that since OP had never been in a relationship, how would he know?

 

This is the exact same question straight people ask gays/lesbians. 'If you've never tried being in a relationship with the opposite sex how can you know you like the gender of the same sex?'

The more you think about it the more you realise how ridiculous the question posed is. Let's ask the same question, I'm assuming you're straight?

'How do you know you're not gay if you've never experimented with same sex relationships?'

Of course anyone and everyone will laugh at this. You don't have to be in a relationship to know you're straight or gay, these things just surface at some point during puberty/adolescence.

Which is why anyone who comes onto this forum (no pun intended heh) asking how do I know if 'they're not gay and simply not realise it yet', is a classic HOCD sufferer. The whole idea of NOT knowing is just ridiculous.

Plus, there are a lot of cases stating the exact opposite of this. Heterosexual OCD sufferers where gay and lesbians worry they might be secretly straight. Of course there is no reason to disbelieve them here. Whereas homosexual OCD sufferers often get dumped with the 'you're in denial label' there is no reason to doubt heterosexual OCD sufferers as they have absolutely nothing to gain.

In any case, it is interesting and just shows the complexity of our brains and what can happen with so called uncapped porn usage.

http://www.steveseay.com/hocd-homosexual-ocd-sexual-orientation/

 

Be comfortable answering your Mom's questions/statements. When told Gay is OK, ask her who she knows that is gay. Get her into her uncomfortable zone. Tell Mom that yes you do have something to tell her. Tell her you love her and that you are out of time. Do that everytime and she will stop asking.

Hang in there. You are not gay. You are just like I was...an insecure overweight semi-introverted self conscious boy who blamed his lack of success in screwing girls on his weight and his ugliness and his lack of abdominal muscles and his weird smile and bad teeth, not a one of which was true. I was not screwing girls because I was insecure with myself and masturbating regularly and did not need a girl to interfere with that pleasure and morally somewhere deep down did not think it was the right thing to be doing. Once I did score with a girl, I was 21 and on top of the world, for a day or 2, but really short lived. But then, I was not scoring every night or every week or every month and not even every year, so then the insecurities flourished and I simply continued to masturbate because it was a guaranteed win every time. Not rejected once by myself.

Once I kicked porn out of my life and got counseling to combat my sexual addiction and my same-sex attraction, and then finally kicked masturbating out of my life also, I loved myself and sex with the wife became awesome. Since I have known the thrill of victory, a few weeks ago when porn crept back into my life for a few weeks, I stood tall and proud and came back here to nafap for the support I need to get back on the wagon. 15 days strong as of today, with a million left to go.

Hang tough and stop thinking you may be gay because you are not.

FW

 

I'm afraid you missed the point entirely. Keep in mind that much of your theories regarding porn messing up our brains is hearsay. Instead of facing the facts, you pin a nonexistent condition (HOCD) to an issue that could simply be solved by finding out the answer for himself. By the way, it's not uncommon for seemingly heterosexual men to spend a portion of their lives in ambiguity. Being brought up in an environment which deems homosexuality to be unnatural can cause a lot of issues later on in life. Judging by this example, it seems that there's more going on than simply saying porn has screwed up a person's brain and that they need to repress themselves even further by abstaining.

 

http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/porn-addictive-theres-no-proof

 

I think gay/lesbian people should be allowed to marry, so does that automatically mean I'm gay?

Sorry dude but you're taking your mom's opinions too literally. Your mom is not you. In fact if a gay guy came onto this forum telling us his mom thinks he is straight because according to her he's liked girls since pre-school, everyone would be up in arms. Same here. Like I said all you can do is reboot, if you're gay you would know it through and through.

You would feel ridiculous even asking this question- Not to be confused with denial. Those that are in denial know they are gay but are scared of the consequences of 'coming out.'

We can only take your word, at the end of the day only you know yourself better than anyone here.

 

I don't really think you're gay.
You know what a gay man does?
- he fantasizes about kissing / touching / have sex with men
- he does kiss / touch / have sex with men
- he maybe masturbates thinking to men or watching gay porn
- he knows very well that he's gay

On the lowest level:
- you like the pussy and you don't like the dick? you're straight
- you like both? you're bi
- you like only the dick? you're gay

They're all perfectly fine, so figure it out and then live your sexuality in the way it is the better for you.

 

I've struggled with this. I've been with women, and I've had my dick sucked by men. I'm a straight guy. For a long time, i was scared that I was gay because of what I had done, and my thoughts on how people judged me. Most of it was fear and insecurities. I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a man nor ever had intimate feelings towards one. I've thought about sex, and lusted over them, based on like I said, fears and the need to gratify myself to make up for insecurities. but when it comes down to it, I love women. Despite being turned down by many.

In the end, it really is as simple as it being a choice. It's a sexual preference. Which do you prefer? Your heart already knows it. Props to you for putting it out there. NBD buddy