Day 75 - still difficult

I can relate to your story because, unfortunately, right around the 80 day mark for me I had a relapse this month and now I'm back to square one. Here are some things I have learned however. First and for most i think it is absolutely CRUCIAL to understand that we as human beings and electromagnetic fields of energy. Sexual energy is the most powerful of all, able to create life. Sadly us men have had this typically very healthy and natural energy hijacked by porn and it has warped us to desire lust, instead of love. SO what i was getting at is that I believe the reason i relapsed right around day 80 is because i let my energy stagnate. YOU MUST/WE MUST transfer that energy in working out, in studying, in being creative, or our sexual energy gets built up and we start craving our old desires. I think eventually once we balance ourselves and those old neural pathways finally die in our brain, which could take up to a year or so, than we will no longer be overcome with our sexual desires because we will have learned to control, and transmute energy. As always though, easier said than done.
Meditation is another HUGE one that helped me. The addiction is in the mind, not the penis. If we can control our thoughts and have even have 10 minutes of silence a day, quieting ourselves and the constant stream of thought. We can tackle our urges and day much easier.. I'm telling you man, i never thought I would meditate but it has done wonders for me.

 

It's great that you reached this far. I would say its time to clean up some habits. If you see a nice looking woman, enjoy and appreciate that first glace (do not dwell on it though, it should be like 2 seconds long), then make it a habit that you look away and simply do not look at her again (unless you're talking to her or something).

You are a human being. Human beings are sexually attracted to other human beings, and you cannot escape that. Perhaps it's time you decide to look for a long-term partner. I personally think noPMO on hard mode is not sustainable in the long term (although others have done it)

 

Its hard as fuck for me to get goin again after a streak ends. I just binge on porn.

 

It does change over time, but I believe it only changes if you're doing the work. I'm at 6 and a half months now, and I noticed just today something that has been happening more and more. When I'm aware of something that would have had the potential to trigger me in the past my mind pauses and I say to myself, "that does nothing for me." At that point I'm able to release whatever it was that could have triggered me, and the desire to look is gone. My mind is becoming greater than my brain, which is the way we are meant to live. Our brain might say, "Look! Look! Look!" but our mind can say, "that does not serve me, that woman walking down the street actually has nothing to do with me. Lusting after her would be a lie. I would actually get nothing from looking at her."

I recognize this is a long-term process and everyone is different, but have hope. And, in my opinion, setting these goals of 90 or 100 days isn't always helpful. I think it's good to celebrate progress but when you set a goal of 100 days, there may be a small part of your brain that's thinking, "Great! Just another 20 days and I'm allowed to look at porn." Or, "At last, in 20 days I will have made the mark and I will no longer feel any urges. I'll be free." The reality is, you have realized that porn does not serve you, is detrimental to you, and you no longer want it in your life -- ever. You know that it's a lie. A poster of a woman is not a woman. It's no more a woman than a lamppost is a woman. And a woman walking by is not your partner. She's her own person. If you are single, and you're genuinely interested in her that's a different story. But if you are looking in order to "take" from her, you're harming yourself.

Anyways, it's really great that you've made it to where you are. Keep doing the work and you will become stronger. Let that be your focus. You can wish and wish that it will get easier, but the only thing you can do is do the work to get stronger. And always remember that you deserve REAL love.

All the best,

-C

 

C, you are absolutely right, there is a difference between the mind and the brain. I love your motto "Looking at this does nothing for me." Love it! I'm going to use that now whenever the urge arises to go back to my harmful ways. Yes your right we all deserve real love, that is something I think many of us have been conditioned to believe we don't deserve. There is a change happening in the world, can you feel it? Let's overcome this monster together. We can do it, we owe it to our own well beings and to our women who've put through hell over the ages because of our male egos.