Day 8 - Learning to trust myself

I've gone to bed with a feeling of unease, discomfort, worry, and dissatisfaction, but I believe it is important to digest these emotions. It's important to feel them and let them be. I'm starting to trust myself, because I am carrying through with what I said I was going to do. Even right now, part of me is saying, "Oh no, I'm posting about it now. I'm putting it out there that I'm feeling good. Now there is pressure to stay good." I know that is doubt talking, and I am figuring out how to take control of my mind and stop listening to doubt.

Last night, I meditated for 10 minutes, and I started visualizing what I was going to do. Right when my timer sounds, I am going turn on my fan, put on my sleep mask, and lay down and fall into a deep sleep.

The timer ding'd, and I turned my fan on (I actually had to reposition my fan), then I put on my sleep mask and struggled a little to find a comfortable sleep position, and did not fall asleep right away. I fell asleep fairly quickly though. I noticed, however, that my mind kept doubting and criticizing itself. When I got up to reposition the fan, "oh no, you said you were going to turn it on and go straight to sleep after you meditate, now there is an extra step. Oh no, you have to readjust your pillow. Uh oh, what if you don't fall asleep and your schedule is messed up." Man, typing this makes me think that whoever is reading this is going to think I'm crazy and a perfectionist lol.

Anyway, this is my mindset at over a week in. I am observing my mind and learning, but also taking control. Forward. Trust. Courage. Acceptance. Peace,

-ZS