Day 8 - Struggling

You ultimately cannot sustain recovery by willpower alone. Willpower is like a muscle - it can only continually resist for so long without a break before it reaches muscle burnout. Hence, the strategy is to give the willpower a break before it reaches muscle burnout and failure. Then, it will have a brief rest (if even just a few minutes) before counter-resistance is applied again, followed by ongoing breaks still.

In order to give the willpower intermittent breaks before failure, you need to use relevant tools that you've found (or need to find) that work for you. Here are some:

1. Dialogue Method (mind tool): You need to personify the subpersonality addict within your mind and make him like a concrete entity, not just a gaseous, creeping shadow in the mind. Then, you need to separate the addict personality from your true self, which knows what it wants to live happily and freely. Then, you let the two dialogue (do it aloud even if possible). Your true self asks the addict what it wants and why it is hounding you. Your true self responds by rebuking the subpersonality addict by redirecting the agenda. The True voice decides what ultimate action will be taken in this moment. Primarily, don't let the addict suspend your ethical decision center or make it go numb - your true voice must speak up, point the finger, accuse the addict, and decide aloud the right course -- I will not PMO, etc.

2. Custody of the eyes. Sometimes we just need to stop looking around and taking in every and any sight there is to see and taunt us. Focus on the task at hand.

3. If possible, distract your energies into some other task: exercise, meditation, etc.

4. If there is discomfort in your mind, just sit peacefully with the sensation and don't get alarmed or excited or agitated by the pain, which is what addiction wants - to work you up into a frenzy so as to make you take a rash course or decision. Distinguish between pain and suffering. We can tolerate an objective pain as a good thing, if it is leading to health, happiness, and freedom of recovery. But, if we add negative thoughts to pain, the pain then becomes suffering, which is much less tolerable. Hence, don't push pain over the edge into suffering. If you are already suffering, get rid of the negative interpretative thoughts, and think positively and objectively regarding the discomfort.

5. Ice pack (5 to 15 minutes a time) - this is much different than a cold shower, which can cause alarm, shock, and agitate - again, all fodder for addiction. A cold ice pack, applied atop the scrotum area with a cloth protective barrier between (e.g., underwear) will deliver a slow and cool penetrating salving numbness to the testicles. This is good in relieving blue ball congestion. But, even if you don't have blue balls or any groin discomfort at all, the remedy still amazingly works to get rid of tempting thoughts in the head - what's between the legs does directly influence what is being thought about in the mind. Try this method lying down and see what immediate comfort it can bring, any time of the day if one is able, and especially at night when one is trying to sleep. You'll sleep like a baby.

Try some or all of the above as each applies to different circumstances. Report back regarding your progress.

 

Some great advice by @JoeinMD, I will also add another couple of thoughts. First, have the conviction that suffering now through the pain is better than suffering later with the remorse. Second, record an audio after your last relapse explaining exactly how you feel and play this when you are considering relapsing. Third, learn to handle discomfort (cold showers, fasting, etc). This is useful to tame the ego and its demands, but ultimately you need to build automatic processes that will give you a break when your willpower runs low. This is key because willpower is indeed limited as Joe indicated. No one can beat the addict subpersonality with a toolkit that only offers determination after a relapse and white knuckling under stress...And never say you may not resist. The moment you say and believe that, you will fall for sure... I have been there myself.

 

Great, glad it's working. Of course, as mentioned, don't apply ice directly to skin, but have a cloth barrier (such as underwear or more cloth if needed) to buffer full impact. As long as coolness is penetrating, that's what is needed - the scrotal area should contract, of course - meaning the cold is being delivered there. You may need to protect with cloth other skin areas as well inadvertently being touched - like the thighs, etc. Hence, it shouldn't be too discomforting once you're used to using it, but a welcomed, slow and penetrating source of coolness and numbness. Usually 5 to 15 minutes at a time is sufficient for each compress round. If you need to go further.

Yes, when we are in safe zones, learn how to build endurance naturally. That's good strategy, but techniques like this and others help us not to burn out our willpower muscle - or to deal with days that we're not strong enough to endure too much and sometimes as a way to head off dangerous temptations in the bud before they have a chance to surmount into a monster we cannot conquer.

All the best.