Day 82 withdrawals and stronger urges

[Juliusjulius1907]

So I've made it to day 82, my og goal was 100 but after seeing how bad the withdrawals and urges for PMO and especially the outlandish fetishes have gotten since about day 79 (usually they are very bad when i wake up and when i go to bed) I think I'll have to atleast make it to 6 or 8 months (180 or 210 days I think) seriously my addict brain keeps giving me flashbacks and reminders of this bs, triggers and things that are reminiscent of the fetishes and porn or sexualised imagery in general make this 10x worse (on nofap triggers from seeing reminders of pmo can and do happen, but if you are like me and youve gotten involved with a massively diverse set of outlandish categories or "content" and have a history of fetishism dating back to the beginning of your p use, then triggers are everywhere and are broadly unavoidable, sadly) ive had dreams with these fetishes (I don't think I've ever actually nutted from any wet dreams, fetish or not this entire streak, just morning wood) all these urges and withdrawals are demoralising me, and my detestable mind is constantly trying to trick me into pmoing, ive had these types of withdrawals since day 60 but now it feels like I'm at day 1 again or worse because my addict brain keeps tempting me and I don't know what to do, I know these urges are temporary distractions by the addiction, just like any other ploy (like how it will then trick me to think about or "vanilla" stuff to prey on my insecurities about my p usage throughout the years) i mean the tricks get really bad, it tries to make everything out to be a relapse like showering and cleaning your cheese, or peeing and drying the dripage or at any time just checking for any leakage if the sensation is there, with this I can't even trust my own memories, for another example if I have a hazy memory of the previous nights events in bed it try to insinuate that I mo'd in bed or in my sleep, so then I have to go through my memory step by step, everytime I am forgetful and show to myself that I didn't beat off, all of my problems related to recovery including this memory problem and the withdrawals have also gotten 10x worse because I have had the flu with a side of horrible fever since day 77 I think, though it's better now.


Any opinions and advice would be appreciated, thanks.

 

[Deleted Account]

Honestly, I've been dealing with the same stuff you said. I nut whenever I have a wet dream, I can't not nut when I have them but maybe because it was my dream character watching p on a screen instead of having intercourse with a dream npc. I seldom get morning wood but I get excited when I have them in the morning, I get them at night because I lay on my stomach.
It is my goal to reach 3 digits and I will give due credit to God who has helped me achieve these accomplishments.
I certainly get you on the part you said about the trickery of the brain, it really tries to rationalize, like an example of mine is when I had a dream where I was watching p on a screen but I didn't bust and just had a sensation of fluid coming out but really there wasn't any and I checked (maybe it dried fast or it's just nothing that came out). I take back what I said about can't not nut in a wet dream, maybe I can deal with wet dreams but not nocturnal emissions where the body really has to release the excess semen.
Here is what I can tell you that works for me. Backk then whenever I have these thoughts and urges, I try to fight them, didn't work, relapse. I tried to not listen, didn't work, relapse. I tried pushups and having a tactic and high IQ to dodge these urges, didn't work, relapse. What I did and even now I still do is purely listen and acknowledge that this isn't me thinking these thoughts, it is my brain (you already know it is your brain), just this time you separate your thoughts to your body, like having a clone or something, don't provoke these thoughts, these entities are much powerful than years of training your willpower, like you said very tricky. Listen, don't force anything, if the thoughts go away, let them go, if the thoughts keep coming back, let them come, have a sense of little control, even if you think you don't have any and you are weak with controlling your thoughts. It might just be me that this works on and I have shared this for the first time with someone. Another secret is only a sneak peak, this is a verse from the Bible, James 4:7 "Submit to God and the devil will flee from you". I hope my opinion is useful, keep your head up G!!

 

[Juliusjulius1907]

Honestly, I've been dealing with the same stuff you said. I nut whenever I have a wet dream, I can't not nut when I have them but maybe because it was my dream character watching p on a screen instead of having intercourse with a dream npc. I seldom get morning wood but I get excited when I have them in the morning, I get them at night because I lay on my stomach.
It is my goal to reach 3 digits and I will give due credit to God who has helped me achieve these accomplishments.
I certainly get you on the part you said about the trickery of the brain, it really tries to rationalize, like an example of mine is when I had a dream where I was watching p on a screen but I didn't bust and just had a sensation of fluid coming out but really there wasn't any and I checked (maybe it dried fast or it's just nothing that came out). I take back what I said about can't not nut in a wet dream, maybe I can deal with wet dreams but not nocturnal emissions where the body really has to release the excess semen.
Here is what I can tell you that works for me. Backk then whenever I have these thoughts and urges, I try to fight them, didn't work, relapse. I tried to not listen, didn't work, relapse. I tried pushups and having a tactic and high IQ to dodge these urges, didn't work, relapse. What I did and even now I still do is purely listen and acknowledge that this isn't me thinking these thoughts, it is my brain (you already know it is your brain), just this time you separate your thoughts to your body, like having a clone or something, don't provoke these thoughts, these entities are much powerful than years of training your willpower, like you said very tricky. Listen, don't force anything, if the thoughts go away, let them go, if the thoughts keep coming back, let them come, have a sense of little control, even if you think you don't have any and you are weak with controlling your thoughts. It might just be me that this works on and I have shared this for the first time with someone. Another secret is only a sneak peak, this is a verse from the Bible, James 4:7 "Submit to God and the devil will flee from you". I hope my opinion is useful, keep your head up G!!

Thank you for the reply, I will take on board all of this advice, especially the advice that is unfamiliar with me; also that was a nice verse, really put me at ease, although my streak is still going but like I said the urges and thoughts are strong as if it's day 1 of recovery, I know it isn't and that I am healing and progress has been made and will continue to be made, even if for now the results I desire still are fleeting and out of reach these are withdrawals after all, so I should've expected things to get more difficult before they get much easier, I suppose that there have been 3 virtues guiding me this entire time: Diligence, Vigilance & Patience- it is good to apply these things to yourself consciously as much as you can everyday.


So I guess that's it for now, my best wishes are with you and your recovery fren.

 

[jay3241]

What are ur withdrawal symptoms?

 

[Juliusjulius1907]

What are ur withdrawal symptoms?

Whenever they happen I may or may not get erections, but temporarily my progress in killing my fetishes and my lack of attraction to normal sex seems to undo itself, and I am more sensitive to urges, but this may just be a trick from my brain, the gist of which is that thoughts about pmo and especially seeing or hearing or reading anything that may remind me of my pmo addiction and the content I used to consume become way more intense and distracting, same with the urges to give in to the thoughts themselves, whenever this happens I also get really depressed and doubts about my recovery happen, although I think I've gotten pretty good at calming down and thinking more rationally, because at the end of the day, I know that this is all in my head, and that self-control is worth more than freaking out and letting my brain convince me to relapse through either fearmongering or base addictive urges.