Day 84 hard mode relapse!! :( need encouragement

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Awolnation28, Dec 25, 2016.

  1. Awolnation28

    Awolnation28 Fapstronaut

    I am so devastated...
    I made it 84 days.... Heres my quick story. FOund nofap in august. Made it 34 days second try. I realpsed ONLY m 4 times in one weekend, without any fantasizing.

    Then my third streak started right after that relapse weekend. I made it 84 days guys!!

    And i got drunk and made some really bad decisions....
    I really do blame the booze for alot of it... and possibly my friends a little bit...
    This girl OUT OF NOWHERE started texting me on POF saying she wanted to get drunk and fool around....
    And it was two days before christmas. I was feeling really lonely. And i bragged to my friends about this girl (she was a 10/10 in her pictures)

    And both my friends encouraged me to go see her. (i was undecided at that point and they told me id be crazy to turn it up)

    And so i thought what the heck. I wont have sex. Ill just cuddle and makeout. Which i felt like i could REALLY use. Its been a tough, lonely 84 days guys...

    So she came over... and all she wanted to is drink. I thought what the heck. No big deal. COuple of shots. But she was a heavy drinker. Before i know it. WE are done the 26er. Just 2 people. 26 shots. Of rum.

    And then.... she accused me of stealing from her which i didnt... and then i got angry with her and called her crazy like ten times. (i regret how i handled the situation).

    And then we fooled around very akwardly. Finishing with me MOing on her. (she suggested it)

    Then i woke up, super depressed. and MO'd one more time.

    Feeling like the 84 days was all for nothing... Its christmas today and im having a rough time.

    Ive seen many positive changes during nofap. But its very discouraging when you give it YOUR ALL and then in one night you blow it all. I gave this my all guys... I couldnt have tried any harder.

    And that night with that girl, it felt like i was back to my PMO self. YOu know? like just a monster out to use woman. Im so dissapointed inmyself. BUt i feel the only thing i can do is forgive myself and regroup adn move on..

    Did i ruin all my progress? It feels like it was the booze that caused me to act like my PMO self. But im not sure. Makes me feel like i really DIDNT make progress and im still the same guy as before nofap.
    Although i can see progress.

    I just need some encouragement. People who have had similar long streaks fail.

    I REALLY thought i had this addiction beat after 70 days or so. Like i thought i had it licked. ANd here i am, feeling like im on day one again...
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Don't beat yourself up. That never does anyone any good.

    This isn't what I see:
    • you are strong enough and determined enough to go 84 days on your 3rd try! That's astounding! Do you realize the number of people who have only been sober 2-10 days on the 10th try?
    • The biggest mistake you've made, and I'm sorry to tell you this because you cannot fix it is... you are human and humans make mistakes. I know that is soul crushing but you are. :)
    • You did those mistake things that humans do but unlike many humans, you admitted you made them which is a bold and mature move in 2016!
    • Unless your friends are dealing with your demons, don't listen to them. Every decision you make has improve your healing and not endanger it. Know when to listen and when you ignore friends.
    • Alcohol can be a hateful thing. Alcohol may need to be avoided, especially in excess during your journey because alcohol dulls the senses and dulls your resistance allowing you to do things you you regret the next day. This is a life lesson not only a PMO sobriety lesson.
    • YOU ARE AWESOME! You have to believe that within.
    Have you destroyed your progress? NO! You have simply hit a road bump, a slight detour along your journey. The only way to destroy your progress is to stop moving forward which you are not doing.

    Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn from your previous mistakes and keep it moving.

    Oh yeah, beware of the dreaded chaser effect since you have been tickling your own ivory. It can be difficult to deal with but I have faith that you possess the ability to make the right decisions!
    Daniel; likes this.
  3. Awolnation28

    Awolnation28 Fapstronaut

    Thanks man. Just the kind of things i need to hear... Im going to save the post for future reference.

    I really do think that excess alcohol cant be trusted during my reboot and possibly ever. I make terible choices when i drink alot. Everytime.
    And your right. My friends are bad influences when it comes to sex. They all watch porn and do see an issue.
    Good reply. Thnx
    D . J . likes this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    I just want to help.
  5. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Well, this addiction takes a long time to rectify - more than just a few months (and that is assuming you have no relapses of course). So, it will take longer with a relapse. A relapse is also more likely if you use alcohol because it is a depressant. Not only does it leave you feeling crap (i.e. vulnerable to PMO), it also depresses your inhibitions and fucks up your judgement. Anyway, it's all good. This has been a valuable learning experience and you are better equipped to do the streak you need to recover.
    D . J . likes this.
  6. Nah you do good me.

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